The FGR NFL Divisional Round Picks

Last week's middling 3-3 effort was due in no small part to the fact that we picked four road teams who went 1-3. Each pick on its own was defensible but not so much in the aggregate as the Chargers, Steelers and Vikings got smoked by a combined 52 points in a showing of playoff ineptitude that would've made Marty Schottenheimer smile. Onward and upward. 

Kansas City by 8 over Houston: The Pick - Chiefs

You hate to give the 8 points with an enigmatic Chiefs' team that showed little more than a passing interest in covering a spread all season but this feels like the end of the road for a Texans team that's only here thanks to the good graces of a terrible division and the philanthropy of Justin Herbert. Patrick Mahomes will not have the same giving spirit.

Meanwhile, Andy Reid and the Chiefs feel like one of those special forces squads who've been just been sitting around drinking beers, playing cards and talking smack until they get the call to go wreck some shit. In a related story, I've been watching way too much television lately.   

Detroit by 9 over Washington: The Pick - Commanders

This is a backdoor cover waiting to happen. You've got a scrappy underdog team with a high character quarterback coached by a guy who went to Salisbury University (formerly Salisbury State). I can tell you from experience that most people who went to Salisbury live with a chip on their shoulder, forever trying to outrun a terrible decision. God bless 'em.   

Philadelphia by 6 over Los Angeles: The Pick - Eagles 

The Rams were a heartwarming story last week but, unless you're an unknown Italian prize fighter, Philadelphia is where dreams go to die. Just ask the ass hat who decided to harass the female Packers fan last week and then found himself on the wrong side of Dom, lost his job and got banned from Eagles games for life . . . a Herculean level feat previously thought unachievable. I mean at a time when it often feels like there's no bottom, it's almost impressive to see someone plumb the depths by distinguishing himself as the most despicable Eagles fan.

As for the game, I'm starting to think the Eagles are destined to follow a blue collar path through Detroit and onto a match-up with either the Ravens or the Bills. They'll dispense with the light work this weekend. 

Baltimore by 1 over Buffalo: The Pick - Ravens

I truly believe in this pick and that's why I keep telling myself that over and over again despite the constant visions of Lamar Jackson taking seven step drops and lingering in the pocket like a dad stopping to read every plaque on a battlefield tour. Also, I have been told that picking against the Ravens may result in a revocation of certain privileges so this one may lack objectivity.

Can we just identify this in
the gameplan as "Play #1"
. . . for fuck's sake.

With all of that being said, Baltimore should win this game. They are clicking in every phase of the game and just need offensive coordinator Todd Monken not to glitch-out and think he's going to catch the defense off guard with a pass . . . on every fucking play. If you watched closely, you saw him try to do it against the Steelers but I think (and hope) that John Harbaugh has installed a panic button that automatically calls a Derrick Henry running play when necessary. Which is always.  

Overall Record: 3-3

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