Tuesday, April 27, 2021

Fantasy Golf: Valspar Championship Preview

Broken arm update. We have officially moved into the "there is nothing about this that doesn't suck" phase which comes after the "hey it could have been worse" phase and before the "counting down the days until this hunk of fucking plaster comes off and I can sleep without giving myself a concussion" phase. 

The good news is that the interim check went well and the doctor said that the jagged piece of bone protruding from my ulna is nothing to worry about. One day a group of medical students will reach the inescapable conclusion that I was either (a) made of glass or (b) the world's worst stuntman (both answers are correct).

Oh yeah. If you want to see the writer hit a golf ball with one arm, here you go. Desperation is apparently the wicked step-mother of invention. 

TWEET OF THE WEEK

In true Golf Channel fashion, they were in split-screen mode last week with the undead lady from Fisher Investments droning on about how THEY are actually the financial institution who is more interested in making you money than fleecing you when Graeme McDowell made a hole-in-one. This tweet and reply say it all better than I ever could.

GOLF ANALYSIS

So let's dispense with the accolades. Yes I picked the winner last week after a brutal slump which would almost lead you to believe that I was lucky. And sure, picking the winner of the Zurich Classic is like picking the winner of an international figure skating competition with all Russian judges but a win is a win.

Because you have done me the courtesy of reading this, I will tell you that I've never gotten this tournament right. In looking back at past previews of this event, it is clear that (a) I thought way too highly of Ryan Moore, (b) I used to write twice as much, and (c) at least 30% of my "research" was devoted to finding pictures of scantily clad ladies. I am proud to say that I have evolved as a person and now rely on an economy of well-chosen words to draw a dinner theater sized crowd in this joint every week.

When in doubt, pick Patrick Reed. Fuck it. Might as well add a little self-hate to your uncertainty and who knows? Maybe it'll pay-off. I'm backing him up with steady picks Corey Conners, Sungjae Im and Jason Kokrak who apparently loves this track. I actually feel really good about this line-up (kiss of death).

I've taken enough shots at Cameron Tringale that he's earned a pick. Let's hope he gets it done in this field that is watered down by his own standard (I don't make the rules). The rest of the picks are undervalued veterans. Like myself.    

One and Done Pick: Patrick Reed
'MERICA!!!

Other Guy I'd Pick: Corey Conners

Sleeper Pick: Henrik Stenson

DraftKings Top Ten Values


Patrick Reed

$10,300

Corey Conners

$9,600

Sungjae Im

$9,200

Jason Kokrak

$8,700

Charley Hoffman

$8,600

Cameron Tringale

$8,400

Mackenzie Hughes

$7,400

Zach Johnson

$7,200

Rory Sabbatini

$7,100

Henrik Stenson

$7,000


                                   THE CHADWICK BOSEMAN (FUCK
                                 YOU ACADEMY AWARDS) MEMORIAL
                                 HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

A few interesting top tens sprinkled in here including the aforementioned Mr. Moore so if you think he can catch lightning in a bottle this week, check him out. Because nothing makes you think bolt of electricity like Ryan Moore.

 

DK Price

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015

Justin Thomas

$11,500

DNP

DNP

MC

T18

T10

Dustin Johnson

$11,200

T6

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Viktor Hovland

$10,500

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Patrick Reed

$10,300

MC

T2

T38

T7

T2

Paul Casey

$10,000

1st

1st

DNP

DNP

DNP

Scottie Scheffler

$9,800

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Corey Conners

$9,600

DNP

T16

DNP

DNP

DNP

Louis Oosthuizen

$9,500

T2

T16

DNP

T7

DNP

Tyrell Hatton (O)

$9,400

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Abraham Ancer

$9,300

DNP

T16

DNP

DNP

DNP

Sungjae Im

$9,200

T4

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Joaquin Niemann

$9,100

T37

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Russell Henley

$9,000

T42

DNP

T9

MC

DNP

Bubba Watson

$8,900

T4

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

Justin Rose

$8,800

DNP

T5

DNP

DNP

MC

Jason Kokrak

$8,700

T2

T8

T58

MC

T7

Charley Hoffman

$8,600

T18

MC

MC

T11

MC

Ryan Palmer

$8,500

DNP

T28

DNP

T42

DNP

Cameron Tringale

$8,400

MC

DNP

MC

MC

T17

Emiliano Grillo

$8,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

MC

Chris Kirk

$8,200

MC

T49

MC

T42

DNP

Max Homa

$8,100

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

MC

Kevin Na

$8,000

DNP

DNP

MC

T22

T10

Talor Gooch

$8,000

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Keegan Bradley

$7,900

MC

T31

T58

MC

DNP

Sam Burns

$7,900

T30

T12

DNP

DNP

DNP

Gary Woodland

$7,800

MC

DNP

T58

T42

MC

Kevin Streelman

$7,800

MC

MC

T18

MC

T40

Charles Howell, III

$7,700

DNP

T40

T49

T5

T10

Kevin Kisner

$7,700

T24

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Lucas Glover

$7,700

T13

T74

T18

MC

T24

Adam Hadwin

$7,600

MC

T12

1st

MC

71st

Branden Grace

$7,600

MC

T8

DNP

DNP

DNP

Erik Van Rooyen

$7,600

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Cameron Champ

$7,500

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Cameron Davis

$7,500

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Denny McCarthy

$7,500

T9

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Ian Poulter

$7,400

DNP

MC

T41

T67

T24

Lanto Griffin

$7,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Mackenzie Hughes

$7,400

T13

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Sam Horsefield

$7,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Brandt Snedeker

$7,300

T30

T31

DNP

DNP

T53

Doug Ghim

$7,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

J.T. Poston

$7,200

MC

DNP

T14

DNP

DNP

Patton Kizzire

$7,200

T60

DNP

MC

T33

DNP

Phil Mickelson

$7,200

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Zach Johnson

$7,200

T24

T16

DNP

DNP

DNP

Rory Sabbatini

$7,100

T18

T5

DNP

T42

MC

Russell Knox

$7,100

T24

T16

MC

T56

T33

Henrik Stenson

$7,000

T24

MC

T7

T11

4th

John Huh

$7,000

DNP

MC

T9

T22

T33

Keith Mitchell

$7,000

DNP

DNP

T11

DNP

DNP

Luke List

$7,000

DNP

T16

T27

MC

DNP

Tom Hoge

$7,000

MC

MC

DNP

MC

DNP

James Hahn

$6,900

DNP

DNP

T41

MC

DNP

Richy Werenski

$6,900

MC

MC

MC

DNP

DNP

Ryan Moore

$6,900

MC

MC

T18

3rd

5th

Martin Laird

$6,800

DNP

MC

MC

MC

T33

Rafa Cabrera-Bello

$6,800

T30

DNP

DNP

DNP

T44

Graeme McDowell

$6,700

T46

T40

T14

MC

DNP

Scott Stallings

$6,700

T9

T31

68th

MC

MC

Luke Donald

$6,000

T9

T64

MC

T22

T53

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.