Another indicator that we could be headed for a highbrow weekend is that the last three winners are all in the top 25 meaning that Tim Finchem finally got the elite players in a room and impressed upon them that "this parity situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part" and Dustin Johnson responded that "we're just the guys to do it" which inspired Jason Day and Sergio Garcia to stand-up and say "let's do it" to which Tiger replied, "shut-up and sit down Sergio" as Phil Mickelson and a half in the bag Lee Westwood giggled in the corner.
But seriously, sports only thrive** when their stars are in the mix when it matters and we just had a weekend where we came precariously close to a George Coetzee-Victor Dubuisson final at the Match Play (though anyone who watched would have to admit that Victor Dubuisson is the most compelling French golfer since Jean van de Velde for the opposite reasons and is the Americans' newest Ryder Cup nightmare). We need three or four of the names below on the Honda Classic Sunday leaderboard throwing some haymakers at each other and I think that will happen with the guy standing at the end being the one who can handle the wind (it's going to be windy right? I mean, I was told there would be wind).
|"And we invented democracy, existentialism,|
mayonnaise and the Menage a Trois."
2. Rory McIlroy - 9 to 1
3. Adam Scott - 18 to 1
4. Graeme McDowell - 20 to 1
5. Charl Schwartzel - 22 to 1
5. Phil Mickelson - 22 to 1
5. Sergio Garcia - 22 to 1
The FGR One and Done Picks
1. Graeme McDowell
2. Sergio Garcia
3. Rory McIlroy
4. Henrik Stenson
5. Hideki Matsuyama
I'm still a little bitter about Hunter Mahan's semi-gag against Graeme McDowell when he blew a two up lead with two to play and lost on the 21st hole. I honestly believe that if Mahan holds-on to win that match, he advances to at least the final against Jason Day. Then again, that belief and fifty cents will get me one really awful cup of coffee.*** Speaking of which, Jason Day was my third choice which put him just far enough down the list for me not to use him in either of my own leagues but apparently he was just high enough for about twenty other guys to go with him. And yes, I smugly assume that everyone who plays fantasy golf reads the Fantasy Golf Report. It's a limited topic with an equally limited audience. We're talking about what, a few dozen Wall Street guys and a couple hundred slugs living in their parents' basements which makes the FGR the ideal spot to advertise both Audis and medical marijuana.
So clearly I'm just good enough at these picks to screw myself. The good news is that I have nowhere to go but up. "Who could improve more than me? Talk about massive potential for growth . . . I am the little acorn that becomes the oak." And on that note, let's wrap it up with one of my favorite exchanges from the Harold Ramis**** catalog which seems appropriate at this stage of the season:
Sgt. Hulka: "Soldier, I've noticed that you're always last."
John Winger: "I'm pacing myself Sergeant."
|I don't think Ramis gets enough|
credit for the casting of Bedazzled.
Last Week's FGR Report Card: B
2. Ian Poulter - T33rd
3. Jason Day - 1st
4. Ryan Moore - T17th
5. Rory McIlroy - T17th
The FGR PUD Report
Hyundai: Gary Woodland - $130,000
Sony: Chris Kirk - $604,800
Humana: Charles Howell, III - $12,198
Farmers: Bill Haas - $20,740
WM Phoenix: Billy Horschel - M/C
Pebble Beach: Russell Knox - $46,860
Northern Trust: Dustin Johnson - $723,600
Match Play: Hunter Mahan - $148,000
Season Total: $1,686,198
Email the Fantasy Golf Report at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow us on Twitter here.
* My feelings on the passing of Harold Ramis can be summed-up in the words of one of the greatest characters he ever created: "I think it sucks." - John Winger, Stripes. Is there a writer/actor combination that even approaches the accomplishments of Ramis and Bill Murray in Caddyshack, Stripes, Meatballs, Ghostbusters and Groundhog Day. If Ramis could have just avoided writing sequels, he would have had an almost perfect resume. To honor him, can we all just agree that Caddyshack II never happened?
** The NFL is of course excluded from this requirement as it could literally run 24 hours of punters playing Pictionary and get higher ratings than the NHL playoffs. The sad part is that I would watch Punters Playing Pictionary, especially if it was hosted by Ray Lewis, Key and Peele.
|Safe travels Russell Ziskey, you were one|
of the all-time greats. Oh yeah, and one
more thing, . . . son of beetch . . . shit.
**** One last piece of advice, "never hit anyone in anger . . . unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it."