Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Fantasy Golf: The Mexico Open Preview

I had the pleasure of attending the Zurich Classic on Saturday morning before the yahoos rolled-in and I have to say it was a pleasant reminder of what an awesome experience live golf can be when you stumble into a randomly loaded field situation. Of the seventy-eight players on the course that day, I counted twenty-three guys who've played in the Ryder Cup and/or the President's Cup. There were ten major winners and at least three more guys who will eventually win one. (I'm looking at you Viktor Hovland and Cameron Smith but not so much at you anymore Xander Schauffele). 

Oh yeah, Max Homa was also there.

A few random notes and observations:
  • At 10:00 a.m. I spotted about as many beers as waters (not that I was counting). By noon the crowd was building and so was the booze buzz. I wasn't even drinking* and even I started having the urge to yell shit like . . . "YOU'RE MY PICK THIS WEEK BILLY!!!" . . . and "I'VE COME FULL CIRCLE AND NOW I ROOT FOR YOU AFTER YOU OPENED-UP ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH STRUGGLES BUBBA!!!"
  • Scottie Scheffler appears to be very methodical. I won't go so far as to say "Langeresque" but I've stood in MVA lines for less time than it took him to hit his birdie putt on the 7th hole.
  • Ian Poulter is a lot bigger than he looks on TV. In fact most of the players are. Except for Will Zalatoris. On the 4th hole, a squirrel picked him up and started running away with him until the marshals intervened. I'm joking of course. The marshals were all sound asleep in their folding chairs. So Tyrrell Hatton had to save Zalatoris by snapping his 8-iron in half and impaling the squirrel with it which he did with an ease that indicated it was not his first time. 
  • At one point, Collin Morikawa and his caddie were asking people behind me to stand still and instead they all started scurrying like someone just started playing The Benny Hill Show theme song. So they again asked everyone to "JUST STAND STILL" at which point Collin and I made eye contact and shook our heads in agreement that these people were in fact morons. It was a moment that I'm sure neither one of us will ever forget. 

TWEET OF THE WEEK

Well Twitter and the FGR had a good run together. Won't be long now until Elon Musk turns it into a cesspool of human expression (oh right . . . never mind). In the meantime, here is the cutest dog tweet in the history of this godforsaken social media dumpster fire.  


GOLF ANALYSIS OF A VERY LIMITED NATURE 

I don't really have much to offer this week and I would go so far as to suggest that, if you wager heavily on this golf tournament, you might have a problem (it's only your friends who will tell you). This is the first year the Mexico Open has been a PGA Tour event which seems long overdue considering they've been traipsing up to Canada for over a hundred years. 

Usually these new tournaments yield one of three results: (1) A longtime tour grinder finally gets his first win (Cameron Tringale); (2) A young upstart gets HIS first win (Dylan Riley), or (3) Some old coot that we kind of forgot about finds a hot putter and gets something like this third or fourth win a/k/a the Sunday afternoon ratings doomsday scenario (Vaughn Taylor)

I'm going with Tringale to complete his rise from inspiration for the "Tringale Rule" just over a year ago to PGA Tour winner. Then it will be time to pass the torch of above averageness to someone like Wyndham Clark, Doc Redman or Kramer Hickock. We are still accepting applications.   

One and Done Pick: Cameron Tringale
This is our week you beautiful
Nautica wearing son of a gun.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Brendon Todd 

Sleeper Pick: Vaughn Taylor

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Abraham Ancer

$10,300

Cameron Tringale

$9,700

Brendon Todd

$9,300

Dylan Riley

$8,500

Mark Hubbard

$8,000

Anirban Lahiri

$7,900

Adam Long

$7,800

Wyndham Clark

$7,600

Greyson Sigg

$7,300

Vaughn Taylor

$6,900


Footnote

* I was in New Orleans for my son's 21st birthday which had started with a shot of Fireball at midnight the night before and was due to pick back up that evening. In an effort to avoid being "that dad" later, I committed to pacing myself throughout the day though the siren's call of the Bud Light was quite seductive and loud. 

Email the Fantasy Golf Report here

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

Fantasy Golf: The Zurich Classic Preview

There were signs last week of righting the ship even as I wasted Collin Morikawa on a T26 finish. Matt Kuchar and Erik van Rooyen proved to be well-reasoned picks and I was smart enough to ignore my own advice and pair them with Patrick Cantlay and Shane Lowry to net myself a couple duckets from our good friends at DraftKings (who don't know we exist). Let's see if we can build on this.

TWEET OF THE WEEK

As a guy who currently has "Grim Reaper" in his job description, I can tell you that this is very sound advice. It is way less awkward to just step over and around dead bodies in the office than it is to lay them off. Eventually we'll probably forget why we were laying you off in the first place so you can return to your desk and continue doing whatever the fuck it was you were doing before.    


GOLF ANALYSIS 

My gut told me to pick Dylan Riley this week because I can see him and Will Zalatoris going-off but then I remembered that my gut has recently been about as reliable as Paul Casey the day after a rigorous Zumba class. So instead I'm running for the safe space offered by the Billy Horschel - Sam burns pairing while eschewing the more obvious safe space of the Ryan Palmer - Scottie Scheffler pairing. 

Don't ask me why (because I have no good explanation) I continue to avoid Scheffler while he's in the midst of golf's answer to Martin Scorsese directing Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, The Last Waltz, Raging Bull and The King of Comedy over a ten movie stretch. When I finally do pick him, run like hell the other way because it's got T51 at the Travelers Championship written all over it. 

The next logical pick would be the European twosome of Sergio Garcia and Tommy Fleetwood (if you're into that kind of thing). And I do in fact see the Riley-Zalatoris pairing being lucrative even though this is their first run here. Zalatoris has the look and game of a guy who will make a boatload of birdies with a partner to back him up so if Riley can be the Hutch to his Starsky, look out.

Oh yeah, I'll be in the vicinity of TPC Louisiana this weekend so you may catch a glimpse of the FGR roaming the grounds. Most likely heckling Max Homa and trying to pick-up some club tossing pointers from Tyrrell Hatton.    

Thanks for the good vibes FGR (shit).
One and Done Pick: Billy Horschel 

Other Guy I'd Pick: Ryan Palmer 

Sleeper Pick: Nick Watney

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Billy Horschel

$10,000

Ryan Palmer

$9,700

Sergio Garcia

$9,400

Dylan Riley

$8,900

Brandt Snedeker

$7,900

Scott Brown

$7,600

Brian Stuard

$7,500

Chez Reavie

$7,400

Nick Watney

$7,000

Patrick Rodgers

$6,900


This week's chart is dedicated to the welcomed end of the airport/airline mask requirement. Not so much because we don't need them anymore as one could argue that you should always want to filter the exhalations of your fellow travelers. Because ewww.

No for many of us the most important freedom gained is that we no longer have to watch this game of cat and idiot between those trying to enforce the rule and those trying to circumvent it. Egads dude wouldn't it be easier to just put on a surgical mask than to wear a cut-off tube sock over your head? 

                              THE FAA MASK MANDATE MEMORIAL
                               HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

It's a very limited chart this week as adding twenty more rows of DNP's would not likely be instructive. The chemistry of team Hoffman-Watney is impossible to ignore unless you're one of those half-ass readers who doesn't scroll through the whole chart.  

 

DK Price

2021

2019

2018

2017

Colin Morikawa

$10,700

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Viktor Hovland

$10,700

T25

DNP

DNP

DNP

Patrick Cantlay

$10,400

T11

MC

T7

T14

Xander Schauffele

$10,400

T11

DNP

DNP

T11

Cameron Smith

$10,200

1st

MC

MC

1st

Marc Leishman

$10,200

1st

DNP

DNP

DNP

Billy Horschel

$10,000

T4

T13

1st

MC

Sam Burns

$10,000

T4

MC

MC

DNP

Ryan Palmer

$9,700

7th

1st

MC

4th

Scottie Scheffler

$9,700

T8

DNP

DNP

DNP

Ian Poulter

$9,500

DNP

T9

T22

T32

Shane Lowry

$9,500

DNP

MC

T28

DNP

Sergio Garcia

$9,400

DNP

2nd

MC

DNP

Tommy Fleetwood

$9,400

DNP

2nd

T4

DNP

Joaquin Niemann

$9,200

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

Mito Pereira

$9,200

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Max Homa

$9,100

T17

MC

DNP

DNP

Talor Gooch

$9,100

T17

DNP

MC

DNP

Bubba Watson

$9,000

T8

T34

T28

T5

Harold Varner, III

$9,000

MC

MC

MC

MC

Dylan Riley

$8,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Will Zalatoris

$8,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Danny Willett

$8,800

T8

DNP

DNP

DNP

Tyrell Hatton

$8,800

T8

DNP

DNP

MC

Byeong Hun An

$8,700

MC

DNP

MC

MC

Sungjae Im

$8,700

MC

T37

DNP

DNP

Graeme McDowell

$8,600

T23

T18

T22

DNP

Seamus Power

$8,600

DNP

T5

T10

MC

Brendan Steele

$8,500

T4

MC

T10

MC

Keegan Bradley

$8,500

T4

36th

MC

MC

J.T. Poston

$8,400

DNP

T22

MC

T32

Patton Kizzire

$8,400

DNP

MC

DNP

T5

Greyson Sigg

$8,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Sepp Straka

$8,300

T29

MC

DNP

DNP

Brendon Todd

$8,200

27th

DNP

DNP

MC

Chris Kirk

$8,200

27th

MC

MC

MC

Henrik Stenson

$8,100

T11

T18

T19

MC

Justin Rose

$8,100

T11

DNP

T19

MC

Adam Hadwin

$8,000

DNP

T13

DNP

DNP

Adam Svensson

$8,000

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

Martin Laird

$8,000

MC

T9

T7

DNP

Robert Macintyre

$8,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Brandt Snedeker

$7,900

T4

DNP

MC

MC

C. Bezuidenhout

$7,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

MC

Charl Schwartzel

$7,900

2nd

MC

3rd

DNP

Keith Mitchell

$7,900

T4

DNP

MC

DNP

Cameron Tringale

$7,800

MC

T5

MC

MC

Robert Streb

$7,800

MC

T22

DNP

T24

Troy Merritt

$7,800

MC

T22

T10

T24

Wyndham Clark

$7,800

T17

MC

DNP

DNP

Doug Ghim

$7,700

T11

DNP

DNP

DNP

Joseph Bramlett

$7,700

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Matthias Schwab

$7,700

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Maverick McNealy

$7,700

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Jason Day

$7,600

DNP

MC

T34

MC

Jason Scrivener

$7,600

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Kevin Kisner

$7,600

MC

T5

T15

2nd

Scott Brown

$7,600

MC

T5

T15

2nd

Alex Noren

$7,500

T21

DNP

DNP

DNP

Beau Hossler

$7,500

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Brian Stuard

$7,500

MC

T22

T28

T11

Henrik Norlander

$7,500

T21

DNP

DNP

DNP

Russell Knox

$7,500

MC

T22

T7

MC

Sahith Theegala

$7,500

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Chez Reavie

$7,400

MC

T18

T22

T39

Lucas Glover

$7,400

MC

T18

T22

T39

Matthew NeSmith

$7,400

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Taylor Moore

$7,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Branden Grace

$7,300

MC

T32

DNP

T24

Garrick Higgo

$7,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Charley Hoffman

$7,000

T11

T9

T31

T5

Nick Watney

$7,000

T11

T9

T31

T5

Tom Hoge

$7,000

MC

T34

T10

T24

Paul Barjon

$7,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP


Email the Fantasy Golf Report here