Fantasy Golf: The 3M Open Preview

Last week I was fortunate enough to get a somewhat random backstage tour of the United States Supreme Court which, as someone who still claims to be a lawyer, is a pretty cool thing. Especially when you attended a law school that currently sits just outside the top 50 and you wouldn't have been described by your classmates as being very "bookish."

The hallowed back halls of that building are generally reserved for the top five percent from the top five schools who become the Justices and their law clerks. And deservedly so because those dorks are wicked smart and they put in the time but it still doesn't make guys like me a little jealous that they get to decide which laws stand and which get subverted despite years of legal precedent to support them (ah but I digress).

As you may or may not be aware, there is a basketball court on the third floor known as "The Highest Court in the Land" (and whoever first coined that one deserves an attaboy). Now I love golf but my passion has and always will be basketball. It makes sense when you think about it because what other sport would a 5'9" kid with very limited hops and a knack for choosing the hardest path though life choose as his favorite? 

Before I ever thought about making the lifelong mistake of picking-up a golf club, I was spending hours on whatever court I could find just shooting and shooting . . . and shooting. It was a hell of a lot more rewarding and instantly gratifying than sitting around my dysfunctional house doing homework or going out and getting rejected by the ladies. 

Back to the tour. Inevitably it took us to the basketball court and my sense of anticipation was off the charts. As soon as we entered, I locked eyes with a rack of balls in the corner and, as our guide was giving her spiel, my mind was spinning and landed on "if you don't get a shot off in here, you will hate yourself forever." So I grabbed a ball and asked if it was cool as I was dribbling onto the court figuring she would be less likely crush my dream if it was already in progress. She gave me the greenlight and, to be honest, I think she could sense what it meant to me.

I'm a 3 point shooter by trade because short guys learn early that you need to get as far away from the shot blockers as possible. But there's no 3-point line on that court . . . probably because the ceiling is barely above the backboard so I settled for a free throw which isn't my specialty but it was that day because I flat stroked it. I mean as pure a center cut swish as you can imagine.

After it went in, I clapped my hands once and said "I'm out!" I know it's ridiculous but as I walked off, I thought that's one for all the ballers who went to Seton Hall or Marquette or any of the other great schools that will never get you onto that court as a bunch of Ivy League nerds clang bricks while playing interminable games of H.O.R.S.E. It's always a great day in America when you literally score one for the little guy.

TWEET OF THE WEEK

At one point in time, I had "Back Where it all Begins" by the Allman Brothers as my ringtone which only served to start making me hate one of my favorite songs. Now I only turn my ringer on is if you tell me you're calling at a specific time. And then you maybe get a three minute window. Tops.  

I can't believe we used to pay for ringtones. If my phone rang now, I'd take a hammer to it.

— Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (@GraniteDhuine) July 23, 2024

GOLF ANALYSIS

I spent hours analyzing those dogshit British Open picks Bud Fox style only to talk myself out of Jon Rahm (T7) and into Cameron Young (T31). From a one pick standpoint, this week is very straightforward if you have Tony Finau available. Pick him. If not, I'd go with Cam Davis, J.T. Poston or some random player on a roll like Marc Meissner . . . in that order. 

I'm somewhat tempted by Emiliano Grillo's track record and Ben Griffin's potential but I'm not a big fan of guys coming back from playing two weeks in Scotland. Maybe I'm just projecting how I would feel after a trip like that but it is what it is.

One and Done Pick: Cam Davis

Just realized that I'm going 
back-to-back on Cams. Well,
too late to change it now.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Tony Finau

Sleeper Pick: Ben Kohles

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Tony Finau	$10,500
Akshay Bhatia	$9,800
J.T. Poston	$9,200
Cam Davis	$8,900
Emiliano Grillo	$8,500
Lee Hodges	$8,200
Ben Griffin	$7,900
Marc Meissner	$7,600
Ben Silverman	$7,200
Ben Kohles	$6,800

I was never really a big Bob Newhart fan but the man was unquestionably funny as shit and had one of the great all-time takes on country music which I won't post here as part of my current effort to achieve unity during these troubled and tumultuous times.

                                       THE BOB NEWHART MEMORIAL

                                   HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

I suppose Adam Hadwin is also worth a look. And apparently this is one of the three or four courses where Aaron Baddeley makes money to somehow prolong his utterly mysterious career.

	DK Price	2023	2022	2021	2020	2019
Tony Finau	$10,500	T7	1st	T28	T3	T23
Sahith Theegala	$10,300	MC	MC	DNP	MC	DNP
Sam Burns	$10,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	T32	T7
Akshay Bhatia	$9,800	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Billy Horschel	$9,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Keith Mitchell	$9,400	T5	DNP	5th	MC	T66
Luke Clanton	$9,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
J.T. Poston	$9,200	T2	T11	T28	DNP	DNP
Keegan Bradley	$9,000	DNP	DNP	T39	DNP	T46
Cam Davis	$8,900	T10	T16	T28	T12	MC
Tom Hoge	$8,800	T20	T4	MC	T46	T23
Taylor Pendrith	$8,700	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Erik Van Rooyen	$8,600	MC	DNP	T58	MC	DNP
Emiliano Grillo	$8,500	T10	T2	MC	T3	DNP
Nick Dunlap	$8,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Maverick McNealy	$8,300	DNP	T49	T16	DNP	DNP
Lee Hodges	$8,200	1st	T16	DNP	DNP	DNP
Patrick Rodgers	$8,100	T37	DNP	T39	T32	DNP
Adam Hadwin	$7,900	MC	T38	T6	DNP	4th
Ben Griffin	$7,900	T20	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Kurt Kitayama	$7,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sam Stevens	$7,800	T10	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Mackenzie Hughes	$7,700	T30	DNP	DNP	DNP	T66
Michael Thorbjornsen	$7,700	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Harry Hall	$7,600	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Mac Meissner	$7,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Beau Hossler	$7,500	T13	MC	T49	MC	T34
Jhonatten Vegas	$7,500	DNP	DNP	T2	MC	DNP
Matt Wallace	$7,500	T43	T26	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Svensson	$7,400	T37	MC	DNP	DNP	T15
Doug Ghim	$7,300	T27	T16	MC	T18	DNP
J.J. Spaun	$7,200	T37	DNP	MC	MC	T66
Austin Eckroat	$7,200	MC	DNP	T16	DNP	DNP
Dylan Wu	$7,100	T5	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Lucas Glover	$7,100	MC	MC	DNP	MC	T7
Andrew Putnam	$7,000	DNP	T11	MC	MC	DNP
Daniel Berger	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	T15
Gary Woodland	$7,000	MC	DNP	T11	DNP	DNP
Martin Laird	$6,900	T2	MC	DNP	DNP	T42
Joel Dahmen	$6,800	MC	DNP	T67	DNP	DNP
Kevin Streelman	$6,800	T2	DNP	DNP	DNP	T34
K.H. Lee	$6,700	MC	DNP	T6	66th	MC
Aaron Baddeley	$6,600	T7	T49	T51	T23	DNP
Garrick Higgo	$6,600	T13	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matt Kuchar	$6,500	T43	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP
Robby Shelton	$6,500	MC	DNP	MC	T3	DNP

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