Wednesday, October 2, 2024

Fantasy Golf: Sanderson Farms Championship Preview

I entered this fall with the distinct feeling that my interest in the NFL had waned to a level near zero and last Sunday may have clinched it. Maybe it's just the annual process of wading through the September garbage games but I'm not so sure.  

This story actually begins on Friday when I hit happy hour for a "couple" beers and that predictably devolved into a six-hour bar hopping boozefest that ended with an Irish Car Bomb, an unfinished smoke and a guy who was somehow drunker than I was telling me the same story three times in six minutes.

It's been raining here for a week so playing golf was only available for the die hards and the deranged which left me with nothing to do during my recuperative weekend but purge my golf wardrobe and watch sports. I'm pretty sure you could clothe an entire family of four with just the sleeves from the shirts I wore in the late 90's and early 2000's. I'm surprised I didn't tear a rotator cuff trying to swing through those things.  

The Saturday-Sunday viewing options included a solid slate of college football, the Presidents Cup, Premier League and the NFL. The WNBA had a couple of Sunday playoff games and I have developed an interest but not beyond maybe 20 minutes on a Tuesday night after I'm caught-up on Slow Horses or maybe an episode of The Mayor of Kingstown if I'm in the mood to live in a state of complete despair and hopelessness for an hour. (Apparently gangster cowboys were just the tip of Taylor Sheridan's darkness).

In what was a bit of an upset, the Presidents Cup ended-up dominating the weekend. I feel like almost overnight, the United States team became likable which is interesting because the only major changes from Rome were the addition of Russell Henley and the subtraction of Zach Johnson. Maybe that's all it took. 

I also appreciated the random chemistry of the International squad and how the Canadian crowd rallied behind them. Everyone from Adam Scott and Hideki Matsuyama to Taylor Pendrith and Mackenzie Hughes embraced the underdog role and made it work for them. Despite being completely overmatched, they were going toe-to-toe with the Americans deep into Saturday evening until Scottie Scheffler, Xander Schauffele, Collin Morikawa and Patrick Cantlay said enough of this nonsense and slammed the door with a 45 minute flurry of clutch shots and putts. 

Despite it being pretty much all over but the shouting, I watched most of the Sunday singles matches after the Tottenham-Manchester United game had gotten out of hand in favor of the good guys. I tried to duck over to NFL Redzone a few times and, as much as I like Scott Hanson, you still have to endure the blithering idiocy of the actual game announcers. The scarcity of ex-players who can call a game without mind numbingly stating the obvious throughout is actually somehow greater than the scarcity of quarterbacks who can play it at a professional level. That ineptitude combined with the incompetent and arbitrary officiating has made the game unwatchable. At least for me. 

I did make it halfway through the Ravens-Bills game but years of experience has taught me that it's better to wake-up to a blown lead than to watch it unfold on a Sunday night. Harumph.             

TWEET OF THE WEEK

At least I'm not a passive fan of a team owned by Snidely Whiplash. 

GOLF ANALYSIS

Let's be honest. If you're gambling on this golf tournament, there are at least three hotlines that you should have on speed dial. And remember, I am not judging, just commiserating. Alas, here we are with a second rate golf tournament in Mississippi, a fantasy golf website and a job to do. 

Ben Griffin lost here in a playoff last year and has recently shown signs of being above-average so he's our guy. As always we'll be rooting for @HomelessHubbs to get his first win but he won't which is part of the reason we love him. 

The rest of this week's cast includes a bunch of familiar faces because, like most middle-aged guys, I tend to go with what I know. And by "tend," I mean "do it all the time."

One and Done Pick: Ben Griffin
I could've posted a picture of Merv Griffin
and no one would've known the difference.

Other Guy I’d Pick: Mark Hubbard

Sleeper Pick: Bud Cauley

DraftKings Top Ten Values


Seamus Power

$10,200

Nick Dunlap

$9,700

Ben Griffin

$9,500

Stephan Jaeger

$9,000

Adam Svensson    

$8,700

Mark Hubbard

$8,100

Doug Ghim

$7,900

Taylor Moore

$7,600

Jacob Bridgeman

$7,400

Bud Cauley

$6,600


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Wednesday, September 25, 2024

The Presidents Cup Preview

I've often told people that if I take an extended writing break, it's a silent cry for help to which most reply "well then please keep writing and don't bother me" but just in case anyone was worried, I figured I better pump a couple thousand words into the blogosphere to let them know I'm ok. And besides, I just finished "editing" my daughter's college essay so this should be a smooth transition from the perspective of a surly 17 year old girl to that of a surly 55 year old man. 

Enhancing this week's surliness will be the fact that I wasted nearly my entire Monday playing a scramble that my team had no chance of winning due to the fact that my three teammates would probably still be out there trying to finish the round without me. Add a low cloud cover along with the steady drumbeat of a nearby industrial sized pile driver which created a sense of impending doom like we were getting ready to charge a phalanx of Panzer tanks armed with nothing but bayonets, and it was all I could do to muster a "GREAT SHOT!" every time someone actually managed to get one airborne. #TeamPlayer

At least I won closest to the pin by stiffing a hybrid from 215 on No. 12 after which I walked-up and sank the putt before anyone could fuck it up for me. Two hours later and BOOM . . . I had enough shop credit to buy 40% of a shirt. 

If country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wastes of prime real estate in this country, then scramble golf tournaments and member-guest practice rounds are the two biggest wastes of time. If I had a time machine, these would be the first two blights I would try to prevent from hitting the golf landscape after doing everything I could to derail Paul Azinger's announcing career.       

TWEET OF THE WEEK

As someone who is often tacitly told that his job (not this one - my real one) will one day be performed by AI, I can't tell you how much I wish I was in the room to witness John Mulaney absolutely vaporize these people right out from under their fleece vests.  


THE PRESIDENTS CUP PREVIEW 

Back when I was in my 40's and existed in a perpetual state of simmering rage as opposed to the intermittent state I live in now, my writing had more of an edge to it. When combined with the gift of a bitter and defeated Greg Norman whining through a post Presidents Cup press conference, it probably produced one of my better efforts with Shark Sandwich: A Presidents Cup Memory. Sure Norman practically lives his entire life in a dunking booth but it's always more fun to be the guy who hits the target.

This should be and almost certainly will be a blowout by the Americans. Team chemistry can overcome a lot but probably not the fact that all twelve of our guys are ranked 25th or better in the world including three of the top four while they have four in the top 25 and no one ranked higher than Hideki Matsuyama at 7th. Also, the international squad ain't the Europeans as evidenced by the fact that we're 11-1-1 overall with a current nine game winning streak.

The Americans are going off as about a 3.5 point favorite which is interesting because you can't win by 3.5 so the question is do you like 17-13 or 16.5-13.5? I want to apply a Jim Furyk discount because he gives-off Ryder Cup failure vibes and he's going up against local hero Mike Weir on his home turf but this isn't going to be a Canadian fairy tale. If that somehow makes Ryan Reynolds sad for five minutes, all the better. I mean I like the guy but good grief can he have one bad day? 

United States - 17.5 . . . International - 12.5    

Email the Fantasy Golf Report here.

Wednesday, September 11, 2024

Fantasy Golf: The Procore Championship Preview

I didn't watch a single shot of the Tour Championship (because it was pointless) and barely saw 15 minutes of football on Sunday (because I got a bit looped playing golf) so as a sports blog, we're going to be lacking this week. I did, however, do some car shopping and I have a few tips for salesmen who engage with my particular demographic . . . especially Ken who "helped" last Friday night:
  • If I call ahead and tell you exactly the car I want, don't parade me around the lot for twenty minutes looking for it and then compound that tomfoolery by saying "here it is" when it's the wrong car. As a car salesman, you start with zero credibility so you really don't want your first move to take you backwards.  
  • Try to know at least one thing about the car besides what you can see from the passenger seat. I can see it has a stereo and air conditioning. Maybe even make something up if you have to like "this car will float for 8 minutes if you drive off a bridge."
  • If your customer is a middle-aged bald guy with a perpetual scowl, don't make him wait 20 minutes every time you go do the bullshit shuffle with your manager. He has previously walked-out of many situations that require far less patience. (And yes, I walked out on Ken). 

TWEET OF THE WEEK

One more piece of car shopping advice . . . 

GOLF ANALYSIS

Last year I more or less declared this tournament to be completely unpredictable based on its random list of champions that preceded Max Homa's back-to-back wins. Then I picked Sahith Theegala to win and he did just that. Sometimes even when I'm right, I'm wrong . . . or the other way around. I'm honestly not sure.

This tournament probably now warrants a historical performance chart but I didn't get to it this week due to the lingering effects of the aforementioned loopiness. However, I did review the past leaderboards and the information gleaned from that research has been strategically incorporated into the picks below. You'll just have to trust me. 

One and Done Pick: Brendon Todd
Whoever said Brendon Todd doesn't
have a personality needs to take it back.
(That was you). Next question please.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Maverick McNealy

Sleeper Pick: Robby Shelton

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Sahith Theegala

$10,600

Maverick McNealy

$9,400

Brendon Todd

$9,100

Tom Hoge

$8,900

Doug Ghim

$8,500

Matt Kuchar

$7,900

Neil Shipley

$7,600

Andrew Putnam

$7,500

Charley Hoffman

$7,300

Robby Shelton

$6,800


Email the Fantasy Golf Report here.

Wednesday, August 28, 2024

Fantasy Golf: The Tour Championship Preview

The bad news is that the golf season effectively shuts down after this weekend unless you count the President's Cup which is in Canada this year so I'm not really sure how you can. The good news, however, is that Mercury is finally moving-out of retrograde and, I don't know about you but for me, it can't happen soon enough. I think the universe has had enough of my shit and is trying to take me out.

After surviving my midnight run weaving through 18-wheelers on my way to Memphis and moving my son into a house two doors down from porch front drug dealers (who are allegedly "really nice guys"), I returned to the relative safety of Baltimore. That lasted all of one day before I was running down a basketball court and managed to roll my ankle with such violence that I did an almost full face plant broken slightly by my left wrist which may itself be broken. Witnesses would later say it looked like I got shot. 

Injuries now include my left ankle, left wrist, right shoulder and face. My golf swing is currently being held together with duct tape and my primary swing thought is "ow." But we must sally forth because, while the PGA Tour gets ready to shut it down, local senior golf season is just ramping-up and it's been way too long since my name was carved into a piece of wood mounted outside of the locker room shitter.       

TWEET OF THE WEEK

I'm really trying to avoid politics but I'm not sure how that's going to be possible if J.D. Vance keeps trying to interact with people like he's a normal human. 


GOLF ANALYSIS

If the proliferation of sports gambling achieves anything, let's hope it's the death of this stupid fucking format. Having the favorite in a golf tournament go off at +115 and the longest shot in a thirty man field go off at +100,000 is absurd. I guess there's some top five value if you feel a run coming from a guy like Sungjae Im (+500), Billy Horschel (+1100) or Taylor Pendrith (+2000). I think I feel it but that could also be the long term effect of my jaw hitting the floor.   

Xander Schauffele is as close to a lock to win here as any player is anywhere so maybe parlay him with one of the aforementioned top five guys for some goofy action. That's really all I've got. Dad's tired. 

One and Done Pick: Xander Schauffele
You simply don't bet against 
the Prince of East Lake.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Viktor Hovland

Sleeper Pick: Taylor Pendrith 

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Xander Schauffele

$11,000

Rory McIlroy

$9,600

Patrick Cantlay

$9,400

Collin Morikawa

$9,100

Viktor Hovland

$8,300

Sungjae Im

$7,500

Billy Horschel

$7,100

Justin Thomas

$6,800

Taylor Pendrith

$6,500

Chris Kirk

$6,200


If you're looking for a ray of sunshine in this otherwise cloudy post, I give you the fact that rumors of a Ted Lasso Season 4 are now swirling. This is welcome news for those of us who have been trying to fill that void with shows based on good books that someone paid David Kelley to butcher.  

                                            THE TED LASSO SEASON 4
                                    HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART 

As a point of parliamentary procedure, I will note that the chart below does not remove the formatting so it's not a great indicator of who actually plays well at East Lake. If they keep-up with this nonsense for another year, I may actually dig-in to produce a chart with the real scoring (but I doubt it).

 

DK Price

2023

2022

2021

2020

2019

Scottie Scheffler

$12,200

T6

T2

T22

5th

DNP

Xander Schauffele

$11,000

2nd

4th

T5

T2

2nd

Hideki Matsuyama

$10,100

DNP

T11

T26

T15

T9

Ludvig Aberg

$9,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Rory McIlroy

$9,600

4th

1st

T14

T8

1st

Patrick Cantlay

$9,400

5th

T7

1st

DNP

T21

Collin Morikawa

$9,100

T6

T21

T26

6th

DNP

Keegan Bradley

$8,700

T9

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Sam Burns

$8,500

T9

24th

T18

DNP

DNP

Viktor Hovland

$8,300

1st

T15

T5

T20

DNP

Wyndham Clark

$8,100

3rd

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Adam Scott

$7,900

DNP

25th

DNP

DNP

6th

Tony Finau

$7,700

DNP

9th

T11

17th

7th

T. Fleetwood

$7,600

T6

DNP

DNP

DNP

T16

Sungjae Im

$7,500

24th

T2

T20

T11

DNP

Russell Henley

$7,400

T14

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Shane Lowry

$7,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Byeong Hun An

$7,200

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Billy Horschel

$7,100

DNP

T21

T9

30th

DNP

Sahith Theegala

$7,000

DNP

28th

DNP

DNP

DNP

Akshay Bhatia

$6,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Justin Thomas

$6,800

DNP

T7

4th

T2

T3

Sepp Straka

$6,700

T14

T7

DNP

DNP

DNP

Robert Macintyre

$6,600

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Taylor Pendrith

$6,500

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Aaron Rai

$6,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

C. Bezuidenhout

$6,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Chris Kirk

$6,200

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Tom Hoge

$6,100

DNP

10th

DNP

DNP

DNP

Matthieu Pavon

$6,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP


Email the Fantasy Golf Report here.