Wednesday, March 18, 2026

Fantasy Golf: The Valspar Championship Preview

Every so often you find yourself in one of those situations that evokes a fond memory that is almost completely based on fiction. This often occurs to parents of college kids when they venture into a frat house or some shithole bar wondering how they once survived four or more years in and around more air and surface borne viruses than the CDC could separate and identify in a year. If you made the mistake of wearing flip-flops, you certainly wouldn't make it again, assuming you live long enough to have the opportunity.

We briefly walked into one of those situations last weekend when we agreed to meet a friend who was coming to Baltimore for a bar crawl. It's kind of a big deal when people volunteer to meet you in Baltimore because asking friends from as far out of town as fifteen miles to meet you there for a beer is akin to inviting a couple on a Viking Cruise through the Strait of Hormuz.  

In my now typical state of late middle-aged cluelessness, I wandered into the Federal Hill bar district around 4:30 p.m. on the Saturday before St. Patrick's Day and was genuinely surprised to find the streets running amok with drunken twenty-somethings. Don't these people have homes?!?

After ten minutes of searching for a parking spot and one more trip around the block shy of bailing altogether, we dodged a series of roving mobs to finally arrive at a bar that seemed to think it was in Ibiza. The music was cranked to a level so intense that you could feel yourself becoming homicidal which would've made sense for an exotic nightclub but, at this particular location, it was just a bunch of people who vied for the title of least likely to exceed expectations in high school. 

And then there was us standing there making people wonder who invited their parents. Our friend tried to introduce us to another guy and, when he didn't catch my name the first time, instead of repeating it I literally said, "it doesn't matter." We both laughed knowing that would probably be the extent of our relationship. His group had all of the earmarks of one that was universally miserable at its current location while lacking a single member with the gumption to speak-up and get them the hell out of there. Fortunately, we had no such obligation so we downed our beers faster than Norm Peterson and left. 

Our next stop was a fundraiser at a crunchy urban brewery where various local artists performed acoustic cover songs. It was all very kumbaya Joni Mitchell like and the only virus we were at risk of catching was good vibes. We drank shitty craft beer while having adult conversations about work and kids. I even met a new guy who I might actually talk to again someday. Don't bother asking me his name.    

GOLF ANALYSIS

Despite the Thursday morning apocalypse of scrolling down the leaderboard and seeing that Collin Morikawa had decided to call it a day after putting in a solid twenty minutes of work, the picks last week faired well with Robert MacIntyre and Sepp Straka making good on our top ten recommendations. Of course the tournament was long dead to me by that point but hopefully you all benefitted from my good foresight. 

Now we head to the Valspar Championship, an event once dominated by Sam Burns who, in one of the more bizarre runs, won it twice in a row before missing the last two cuts and bailing altogether this year. Fortunately we still have a full stable of players who feel comfortable on one of the Tour's more demanding ball-striking venues (holy shit I almost felt like a real golf writer there for a minute). 

We're going to eschew the three favorites for the better odds of the next three guys who are just as, if not more qualified. Matt Fitzpatrick, Jacob Bridgeman and Justin Thomas all have ideal games for the Copperhead course and come in off of strong effotrs at Sawgrass. At least two of them will show well and we're leaning towards Bridgeman and Thomas. Fitzpatrick can be a bit of a flake. I mean he is British after all.

Corey Conners and Ryo Hisatsune are no brainers. Funny story. I was today years old when I finally learned how to spell Hisatsune's name correctly after thinking the announcers had been pronouncing it wrong for two years (because why would I think the professionals were right and I was wrong?). This comes after years of spelling "Conners" wrong but, in my defense, I don't speak Canadian.

Taylor Moore, Bud Cauley and Billy Horschel offer another nice triple combination of two-man parlay options. Horschel has gone T12, T4 here the last two years and putting him in a top thirty bet with either of the other two will get you about 7 to 1. But please gamble responsibly. We really mean it. That's why we drew attention to it like this.    

Place

Player

Odds

Winner

Justin Thomas

+2250

Top 5

Jacob Bridgeman

+430

Top 10

Corey Conners

+280

Top 10

Taylor Moore

+540

Top 20

Billy Horschel

+330


One and Done Pick: Justin Thomas
We need a JT level spark to 
drag us out of this malaise.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Jacob Bridgeman

Sleeper Pick: Billy Horschel

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Matt Fitzpatrick

$9,800

Jacob Bridgeman

$9,600

Justin Thomas

$9,500

Corey Conners

$9,000

Ryo Hisatsune

$8,600

Ricky Castillo

$7,900

Taylor Moore

$7,500

Bud Cauley

$7,500

Billy Horschel

$7,200

Michael Kim

$6,900


This week's chart recognizes the Venezuelan World Baseball Classic team which actually did us a favor last night by knocking American sports fans off of their ridiculously fucking high horse. We were already insufferable after the Olympic hockey games. At least last night's result should just keep us at that level.  

SOMOS LOS CAMPEONES
HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

One question everyone needs to answer for themself this week by looking to their own person god is whether 2015 champion Jordan Spieth's game is in any kind of reliable shape. I posed the question skyward and my guy came back with a hard "no". 

 

DK Price

2025

2024

2023

2022

2021

Xander Schauffele

$10,900

T12

T5

DNP

T12

DNP

Viktor Hovland

$10,400

1st

DNP

DNP

T33

T3

Akshay Bhatia

$10,000

DNP

T17

MC

DNP

DNP

Matt Fitzpatrick

$9,800

DNP

DNP

MC

T5

DNP

Jacob Bridgeman

$9,600

3rd

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Justin Thomas

$9,500

2nd

T64

T10

T3

T13

Patrick Cantlay

$9,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Jordan Spieth

$9,300

T28

MC

T3

DNP

DNP

Ben Griffin

$9,200

MC

T17

T45

DNP

DNP

Brooks Koepka

$9,100

DNP

DNP

DNP

T12

DNP

Corey Conners

$9,000

T8

DNP

DNP

DNP

T21

Nicolai Hojgarrd

$8,900

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Sahith Theegala

$8,800

T36

DNP

DNP

T7

DNP

J.J. Spaun

$8,700

DNP

MC

DNP

T27

MC

Ryo Hisatsune

$8,600

T4

T33

DNP

DNP

DNP

Keegan Bradley

$8,500

DNP

MC

DNP

MC

2nd

Nick Taylor

$8,400

DNP

T64

T10

T70

MC

Taylor Pendrith

$8,300

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Davis Thompson

$8,200

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Rasmus Hojgaard

$8,100

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

MC

Max Homa

$8,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

T6

Wyndham Clark

$8,000

DNP

DNP

5th

MC

DNP

Aaron Rai

$7,900

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Ricky Castillo

$7,900

T12

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Alex Smalley

$7,800

MC

MC

T27

MC

DNP

Matt McCarty

$7,800

T16

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

C. Bezuidenhout

$7,700

MC

T9

DNP

T62

DNP

Pierceson Coody

$7,700

DNP

W/D

MC

DNP

DNP

Thor Olesen

$7,600

T36

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Max Greyserman

$7,600

DNP

T33

DNP

DNP

DNP

Patrick Rodgers

$7,600

DNP

MC

T36

DNP

MC

Taylor Moore

$7,500

MC

T12

1st

MC

DNP

Bud Cauley

$7,500

T4

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Max McGreevy

$7,500

T54

DNP

MC

T48

DNP

Rasmus Peterson

$7,400

T22

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Kristoffer Reitan

$7,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Mac Meissner

$7,400

T28

T26

DNP

DNP

DNP

Adam Smotherman

$7,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Marco Penge

$7,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Jordan Smith

$7,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

John Parry

$7,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Lucas Glover

$7,200

T8

11th

T36

DNP

T48

Billy Horschel

$7,200

T4

T12

DNP

DNP

DNP

Matt Wallace

$7,200

MC

T17

T7

MC

DNP

Blades Brown

$7,200

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Tony Finau

$7,200

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Tom Kim

$7,100

T36

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Mackenzie Hughes

$7,100

T36

T5

DNP

MC

MC

Matti Schmid

$7,100

T28

T17

MC

DNP

DNP

John Keefer

$7,100

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Sungjae Im

$7,100

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

T29

Kevin Roy

$7,000

MC

T12

MC

DNP

DNP

Eric Cole

$7,000

T12

T33

MC

DNP

DNP

Denny McCarthy

$7,000

DNP

DNP

T19

T48

T39

Rico Hoey

$7,000

MC

T54

DNP

DNP

DNP

Kris Ventura

$7,000

77th

DNP

DNP

DNP

MC

Michael Kim

$6,900

T28

T33

T45

DNP

MC

Luke Clanton

$6,900

T42

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Doug Ghim

$6,900

T57

T67

T27

DNP

MC

Lee Hodges

$6,900

DNP

T26

T63

MC

DNP

Andrew Novak

$6,800

T42

T17

T27

MC

DNP

Adam Hadwin

$6,700

MC

T5

MC

T7

MC

Beau Hossler

$6,700

T70

MC

MC

DNP

T39

Austin Eckroat

$6,700

DNP

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

Vince Whaley

$6,700

MC

T54

DNP

MC

T29

Kevin Yu

$6,600

T12

MC

DNP

MC

DNP

Andrew Putnam

$6,600

MC

MC

DNP

MC

MC

Steven Fisk

$6,600

T28

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Emiliano Grillo

$6,600

T22

DNP

DNP

MC

MC

Davis Riley

$6,500

7th

MC

T19

2nd

DNP

Webb Simpson

$6,500

MC

T54

T7

T48

DNP

Mark Hubbard

$6,400

T47

DNP

MC

DNP

MC


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