I've often told people that if I take an extended writing break, it's a silent cry for help to which most reply "well then please keep writing and don't bother me" but just in case anyone was worried, I figured I better pump a couple thousand words into the blogosphere to let them know I'm ok. And besides, I just finished "editing" my daughter's college essay so this should be a smooth transition from the perspective of a surly 17 year old girl to that of a surly 55 year old man.
Enhancing this week's surliness will be the fact that I wasted nearly my entire Monday playing a scramble that my team had no chance of winning due to the fact that my three teammates would probably still be out there trying to finish the round without me. Add a low cloud cover along with the steady drumbeat of a nearby industrial sized pile driver which created a sense of impending doom like we were getting ready to charge a phalanx of Panzer tanks armed with nothing but bayonets, and it was all I could do to muster a "GREAT SHOT!" every time someone actually managed to get one airborne. #TeamPlayer
At least I won closest to the pin by stiffing a hybrid from 215 on No. 12 after which I walked-up and sank the putt before anyone could fuck it up for me. Two hours later and BOOM . . . I had enough shop credit to buy 40% of a shirt.
If country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wastes of prime real estate in this country, then scramble golf tournaments and member-guest practice rounds are the two biggest wastes of time. If I had a time machine, these would be the first two blights I would try to prevent from hitting the golf landscape after doing everything I could to derail Paul Azinger's announcing career.
TWEET OF THE WEEK
TWEET OF THE WEEK
As someone who is often tacitly told that his job (not this one - my real one) will one day be performed by AI, I can't tell you how much I wish I was in the room to witness John Mulaney absolutely vaporize these people right out from under their fleece vests.
john mulaney @ dreamforce set
— 🕺🏽😎🪩 (@cockjuring) September 22, 2024
oh to be there. we should bully tech nerds much more often. they should get cop treatment at this point pic.twitter.com/D0wubhMY6K
THE PRESIDENTS CUP PREVIEW
Back when I was in my 40's and existed in a perpetual state of simmering rage as opposed to the intermittent state I live in now, my writing had more of an edge to it. When combined with the gift of a bitter and defeated Greg Norman whining through a post Presidents Cup press conference, it probably produced one of my better efforts with Shark Sandwich: A Presidents Cup Memory. Sure Norman practically lives his entire life in a dunking booth but it's always more fun to be the guy who hits the target.
This should be and almost certainly will be a blowout by the Americans. Team chemistry can overcome a lot but probably not the fact that all twelve of our guys are ranked 25th or better in the world including three of the top four while they have four in the top 25 and no one ranked higher than Hideki Matsuyama at 7th. Also, the international squad ain't the Europeans as evidenced by the fact that we're 11-1-1 overall with a current nine game winning streak.
The Americans are going off as about a 3.5 point favorite which is interesting because you can't win by 3.5 so the question is do you like 17-13 or 16.5-13.5? I want to apply a Jim Furyk discount because he gives-off Ryder Cup failure vibes and he's going up against local hero Mike Weir on his home turf but this isn't going to be a Canadian fairy tale. If that somehow makes Ryan Reynolds sad for five minutes, all the better. I mean I like the guy but good grief can he have one bad day?
United States - 17.5 . . . International - 12.5
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