Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Fantasy Golf: The Zurich Classic Preview

In ongoing the battle of Broken Arm v. Writing Inspiration, the broken arm is clearly winning as the prospect of producing this week's preview has been hanging over me like cumulonimubus clouds full of shit. I've tried dictation but, when you're churning-out content this meaningless and inane, the prospect of drafting it out loud is really unappealing if not downright embarrassing. And I say that despite being the only one here besides the dog and he already thinks I'm a complete jackass. I can see it in his dismissive look. 

Despite my infirmed condition, I've been trying this approach lately and I think it's freaking everyone in my house way the fuck out.


I used to whine about the fact that DraftKings couldn't come-up with a game for this tournament's unique format. Well this year they actually did yet I couldn't come-up with any timely advice on how to play it so I guess we're even.

In my defense, this is kind of the tournament that time forgot. Go to and click on the Past Champions link and it takes you to a blank page. Google "Zurich Classic walk up songs 2021" and all you get is this lame article about how Marc Leishman/Cameron Smith's will be The Mullet Song. Despite my half-hearted efforts, I couldn't find a full list of songs for this year's tournament. I can only hope they're all as imaginative as The Mullet Song.

Anyway, I'm going with the aforementioned duo as my pick of the week. What that blank page doesn't tell you is that this tournament generates a pretty random leaderboard much like it did before it went to the two-man format so you probably don't want to roll the dice and potentially waste a Xander Schauffele/Patrick Cantlay start on a missed cut. When you have a seven year run of winners from 2010 through 2016 that goes like Jason Bohn, Bubba Watson, Jason Dufner, Billy Horschel, Seung-Yul Noh, Justin Rose and Brian Stuard, you are more random than Bjork covering a Ted Nugent song. 

The team of Cameron Tringale/Roberto Castro is $8,000 so, applying the Tringale Rule, the field is "watered down" bordering on "respectable." We do have five of the top ten players in the world along with such other entertaining figures as Max Homa, Bubba Watson and the always zany Brendon Todd. Should be a hoot. 

One and Done Pick: Marc Leishman/Cameron Smith

Other Guys I'd Pick: Cameron Champ/Tony Finau

Sleeper Pick: Sam Ryder/Doc Redman

Best Hair: Roger Sloan/Aaron Baddeley

Worst Hair: Bill Haas/Hunter Mahan

Best Chemistry: Rocco Mediate/Woody Austin

Worst Chemistry: Grayson Murray/Anyone

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