Fantasy Golf: The Wells Fargo Championship Preview

Soccer story time friends because kids sports are, if nothing else, the content gift that keeps on giving. This tale takes place on the outskirts of Allentown, Pennsylvania where my 15 year old daughter's team was taking-on the best that Billy Joel's most depressing song had to offer and right from the outset you could feel how the restlessness had been handed down. 

The contest was less of a match and more of a loosely supervised brawl. After eighty minutes that would have made Bill Laimbeer and Tie Domi say "these refs really need to get this under control," the good guys (girls) from Baltimore emerged with a 2-0 win. To the surprise of absolutely no one, the mother of an opposing player who bore a slight resemblance to the young banjo prodigy from Deliverance decided to accost the mom of one of our players for some perceived slight. Not quite sure how she thought that was going to workout but I can tell you from experience that soccer moms from Baltimore are not known for their timidity so it went about as you would expect.

The chef's kiss did not, however, come until we were walking to the parking lot and my daughter was recounting some of the on field trash talk which included her being called a "fucking ghetto pig rat." After I finally stopped laughing at the fact that a 15 year old actually came-up with that line much less dropped it on someone during a soccer game, I couldn't help but think what the rest of that girl's day would be like driving past the dozen or so churches within a few miles of the field while her mom lamented the death of family values in America and her dad fantasized about shooting Bud Light cans with an AR-15. You know, maybe our simple life in the ghetto isn't so bad after all.     

TWEET OF THE WEEK

Frankly I don't even understand this tweet and I'm a lawyer who once billed like half that many hours in a year while actually working about half of half that many (just kidding bar association 😉) but my question is how is this not one of the five most famous videos on the internet? 

When you try to impress everyone by billing 3,737 hours but then Law Twitter catches wind of it pic.twitter.com/rDOfofdx2F

— Alex Su (@heyitsalexsu) April 28, 2023

GOLF ANALYSIS

The obvious pick last week was Tony Finau. I knew it. You knew it. We all knew it. And yet I picked Ben Martin only to watch him start 68-66 and predictably finish 73-71 as Finau cruised to a three shot win. The obvious pick this week is Rory McIroy so if you think that's going to happen two weeks in a row, then how nice to be you living in your little bubble of conviction. 

Not me. I'm going rogue again and I'M GOING TO KEEP GOING ROGUE UNTIL I GET ONE RIGHT (or until I pick Scottie Scheffler to win the PGA Championship in a couple weeks). Keith Mitchell has been in a bit of a slump but he's coming-off a break where he had an opportunity to sharpen his game and acquire some new silky crewnecks before returning to a course where he absolutely thrives. I'm giving him a narrow nod over feel good story Jason Day and rejoiceful story Rickie Fowler. You can't go wrong with any of them.

The rest of the top ten is based on past performance because Quail Hollow is just one of those courses. If I had to pick two new players to enter the equation, they would be Cameron Young and Sahith Theegala who are both overdue for a win. Maybe I just like them because we have that in common.  

One and Done Pick: Keith Mitchell

Find me a better current nickname
than "Cashmere Keith." I'll wait.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Jason Day

Sleeper Pick: Luke List 

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Rory McIlroy	$11,100
Viktor Hovland	$9,200
Jason Day	$9,000
Rickie Fowler	$8,800
Cameron Young	$8,700
Max Homa	$8,400
Brian Harman	$8,000
Keith Mitchell	$7,800
Joel Dahmen	$7,300
Luke List	$6,900

We lost another music icon this week. Even if you don't like to occasionally get soused on white wine and tearfully sing along to soft rock anthems  (hypothetically), you've probably found yourself belting out the chorus to Sundown or butchering the lyrics of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.  

                                  THE GORDON FUCKING LIGHTFOOT MEMORIAL

                                          HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

It's an odd chart because they didn't play at Quail Hollow last year and the tournament was cancelled in 2020 due to some virus outbreak that for some reason made me start buying Pop Tarts in bulk. Also, the LIV Tour took a bite because Phil Mickelson used to rack-up top fives here like they were bad beats at the blackjack table (heyoooooo). Anyway, here is everything worth knowing which ain't a whole lot.

	DK Price	2021	2019	2018	2017	2016
Rory McIlroy	$11,100	1st	T8	T16	DNP	T4
Xander Schauffele	$10,700	T14	DNP	T2	T24	DNP
Patrick Cantlay	$10,500	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Tony Finau	$10,200	MC	T60	T21	DNP	T28
Collin Morikawa	$9,800	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Jordan Spieth	$9,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matt Fitzpatrick	$9,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Viktor Hovland	$9,200	T3	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sungjae Im	$9,100	MC	T31	DNP	DNP	DNP
Jason Day	$9,000	MC	T24	1st	DNP	DNP
Justin Thomas	$8,900	T26	DNP	T21	DNP	MC
Rickie Fowler	$8,800	MC	T4	T21	DNP	T4
Cameron Young	$8,700	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sam Burns	$8,600	DNP	DNP	T55	DNP	DNP
Tyrrell Hatton	$8,500	DNP	DNP	T42	DNP	DNP
Max Homa	$8,400	MC	1st	DNP	MC	DNP
Tom Kim	$8,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sahith Theegala	$8,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Shane Lowry	$8,100	T65	DNP	T34	T24	MC
Brian Harman	$8,000	T18	T24	74th	1st	T35
Tommy Fleetwood	$8,000	T14	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP
Corey Conners	$7,900	T43	DNP	T42	DNP	DNP
Matt Kuchar	$7,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Keith Mitchell	$7,800	T3	T8	T34	DNP	DNP
Wyndham Clark	$7,800	T43	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Keegan Bradley	$7,700	T18	MC	T76	DNP	DNP
Si Woo Kim	$7,700	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC
Gary Woodland	$7,600	5th	W/D	MC	DNP	T24
Taylor Montgomery	$7,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Taylor Moore	$7,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Cam Davis	$7,500	T26	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Chris Kirk	$7,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	T71	DNP
Davis Riley	$7,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Patrick Rodgers	$7,500	T37	DNP	T34	MC	MC
Adam Hadwin	$7,400	MC	T38	T16	DNP	T61
Denny McCarthy	$7,400	MC	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP
Emiliano Grillo	$7,400	T14	DNP	T9	T42	T61
Hayden Buckley	$7,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Scott	$7,300	DNP	DNP	T76	T36	T17
Alex Noren	$7,300	DNP	DNP	MC	T31	DNP
J.J. Spaun	$7,300	T18	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Joel Dahmen	$7,300	T18	2nd	T16	MC	DNP
Stephen Jaeger	$7,300	DNP	MC	MC	DNP	DNP
Beau Hossler	$7,200	77th	73rd	T34	DNP	DNP
Brendon Todd	$7,200	DNP	T18	DNP	MC	MC
K.H. Lee	$7,200	T58	T60	DNP	DNP	DNP
Kurt Kitayama	$7,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sam Ryder	$7,200	MC	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP
Webb Simpson	$7,200	DNP	T18	T21	MC	MC
Ben Martin	$7,100	T11	DNP	MC	T18	MC
Byeong Hun An	$7,100	MC	W/D	T63	T8	MC
Harris English	$7,100	T43	T54	DNP	MC	T17
J.T. Poston	$7,100	T26	MC	DNP	T24	DNP
Justin Suh	$7,100	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Nick Hardy	$7,100	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Seamus Power	$7,100	T54	T13	T27	T49	DNP
Akshay Bhatia	$7,000	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Andrew Putnam	$7,000	T43	DNP	T82	DNP	DNP
Ben Griffin	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matt Wallace	$7,000	T6	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Taylor Pendrith	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Aaron Rai	$6,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Svensson	$6,900	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Luke List	$6,900	T6	T65	T9	T42	MC
Francesco Molinari	$6,800	MC	DNP	T16	T24	T17
Lucas Glover	$6,700	MC	T31	MC	T52	8th
Lanto Griffin	$6,700	T26	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP

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