I blamed last week's subpar golf analysis on a four day trip to New Orleans that required a recovery period of equal duration. This week's scapegoat is a twenty-four hour sprint to South Carolina where I: (a) rented a car from a drunk lady with a tattoo on her upper left boob who announced to everyone at the rental car counter that she is exactly three days younger than me despite looking like she may have witnessed the discovery of fire, (b) shot a very loud rifle aimlessly into the woods, (c) recklessly drove an all terrain vehicle in the dark, and (d) stayed-up until nearly dawn discussing the meaning of life or lack thereof.
After a few hours of fitful rest on a leather couch because the guy in the bed next to the one that was supposed to be mine snored louder than gravel in a Nutribullet, I gathered myself and: (a) brushed twenty-one hours of hard living off my teeth, (b) pounded two cups of coffee like I was drinking from the Holy Grail, (c) flummoxed the staff at a southern airport Dunkin' Donuts by ordering a smoothie ("anyone know how to make this mutherfucker a damn smoothie?"), and (d) subjected everyone on the plane to a cologne scent that could best be described as Eau de Nick Nolte's Mugshot.
Finally, upon my arrival in Baltimore, I: (a) showered for so long that you would've thought I just dropped the winning pass in the Super Bowl, (b) burned a frozen pizza, (c) ate three slices of said pizza, and (d) watched seven hours of sports through one barely cracked eyelid. It was a good run.
If you know this movie (and you absolutely need to know this movie if you don't already), then you know this picture is from the scene that made me, you and Jack Burton all think "holy shit what have I gotten myself into here?!?!" The butt between John Carpenter's fingers is just the icing on top.
JOHN CARPENTER directing a fight scene from BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986). pic.twitter.com/NUCoSJplYI
— All The Right Movies (@ATRightMovies) April 18, 2023
GOLF ANALYSIS
Last week was a bit of a Golden Corral buffet as four of our top ten picks finished T11 or higher (chocolate fountain!) while the other six just said fuck it and skipped the weekend (the seafood). Ahhh gambling. It's like your friend from high school who you didn't figure-out was a sociopath until one night too late.
Cue the Mexico Open which features a field of Jon Rahm, Tony Finau and about 150 other guys that even half the people reading this godforsaken golf blog probably haven't even heard of (yes Gary Woodland we see you over there in your ridiculous Wilson hat). If this field was any weaker, it would be season 3 of Ted Lasso. Yeah that's right. I said it.
Last year was the inaugural for this event and it couldn't have gone any chalkier with Rahm winning and Finau finishing tied with two others for 2nd. Could that happen again this year? Sure. The Masters champ is back to defend his title after a week of rest and he's not the type to dog it as evidenced by his T15 at the RBC Heritage. If you want to go that safe, prudent and logical route, fine, but that's not how we roll around here.
Not to mention, we need an off the board game changing pick to break this run of mediocrity we've been on since, well, January. And our search for value has yielded Ben Martin. Yes that Ben Martin who used to be somewhere between above-average and pretty good about eight years ago and appears to have almost returned to that level now. I mean he costs $8,600 on DraftKings so this pick isn't completely ridiculous. Right?
Speaking of DraftKings, this tournament would have shattered the old Tringale Rule if he was in the field and reminds me that we're still looking for someone to assume that all too important role here at the FGR. Maybe Wyndham Clark is our guy. We'll keep an eye on him this week and see if he has what it takes. Let's just say that carrying a lead into the final round and having the announcers over extol the virtues of his game before falling back to a tie for 6th would go a long way in the eyes of the judges.
One and Done Pick: Ben Martin
 |
| This could literally be any golfer but it's really Ben Martin. (Actually it's not) . . . but in reality, it is. |
Other Guy I'd Pick: Wyndham Clark
Sleeper Pick: Sean O'Hair
DraftKings Top Ten Values
|
Tony
Finau |
$10,700 |
|
Wyndham
Clark |
$9,700 |
|
Byeong
Hun An |
$9,100 |
|
Ben
Martin |
$8,600 |
|
Stephan
Jaeger |
$8,200 |
|
Robby
Shelton |
$8,000 |
|
Lanto
Griffin |
$7,500 |
|
Dylan
Wu |
$7,500 |
|
Kevin
Chappell |
$7,100 |
|
Sean
O'Hair |
$7,000 |
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