Wednesday, April 12, 2023

Fantasy Golf: The RBC Heritage Preview

This is going to sound weird because it was in fact weird but I kind of missed this year's Masters, a fact that becomes more evident as I sit here re-watching the final round thinking "I don't remember that at all." But to quote Joliet Jake Blues, "IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" Well at least not entirely.

On Thursday morning I was honestly too jacked-up to enjoy it. I had it on at work just like everyone else but I was like a dog that just got a bone that he was so worried about losing that he just wanted to bury it. Then in the afternoon my daughter had a badminton match (yes really) and by the time that was over, so was the golf. I caught-up enough to watch my pick Jordan Spieth hit a moronic shot from the pine straw on 13 into Rae's Creek but that's all I really remember.

I don't know what the hell happened on Friday. I was in it tracking Spieth but then they showed the guy with the airhorn so I took the dog for a walk. By the time I got back, Spieth had somehow finished, pine trees were rebelling against their landscaper overlords and the TV recordings were all screwed-up so I had no idea what was going on. I think I cracked a bottle of wine at that point and watched Jim Halpert try to thwart a Russian plot to start WWIII . . . again.

"A nap and a donut for dinner?"
Saturday was setup perfectly. I had an 11:30 a.m. tee time and with the weather delays down south, that would mean I'd get the full third round when I was done. Nope. Washout. I think I asked five different people to confirm that there would in fact be no more golf and even then I found myself standing there in a state of somewhat slack-jawed disbelief. After a few post-round beverages, I finally gave-up hope, went home, ate a donut and fell asleep for two hours. When I woke-up, I was pretty sure Dr. Rick was going to be waiting there to give me shit.

On Sunday I played at 9:00 a.m. and treated myself to a few transgender beers along the way. I got home with my chicken club sandwich and onion rings just as the leaders were getting ready to tee off. Two and a half hours later I woke-up to them playing Amen Corner but by then you could sense that the worm had already turned. At least that's what I was sensing in my stupefied state. I literally felt like Brooks Koepka's body language.

And as if my whole Masters viewing experience hadn't been quagmired enough by that point, someone had previously agreed to a phone call with his daughter's soccer coach at 6:30 p.m. during which said coach spoke continuously for almost 45 minutes. About soccer. During the final round  Masters. Fortunately he asked me no questions because the responses would have been "I'm sorry, what was the question?"

By the time Rahm putted-out on 18, I was a bit defeated and deflated. It turns-out I didn't miss much as Brooks drifted away from contention like a doomed castaway over the span of four hours and no one really made a charge other than Phil but we all knew that -8 wasn't going to get it done. I had such high hopes. There's always next year. Pffft.

TWEET OF THE WEEK

Apparently there is a clinical term for what I do anytime someone starts talking to me at a party about their kids or their job or just about anything besides sports and movies. 


GOLF ANALYSIS

Despite the fact that the PGA Tour decided to stick a designated event at an above-average tournament the week after the Masters, we're going to avoid the shiny new players and stick close to the usual Harbour Town strategy. It's probably a terrible idea but not really sure how to evaluate the likes of Rahm, Scheffler and Homa on a course they never play against guys who play it well all of the time.

So that makes Patrick Cantlay an obvious pick assuming he finishes playing the 16th hole at Augusta in time to make it to Hilton Head. Unfortunately, I used Cantlay at that Match Play so the backup plan is Cameron Young who is still due for his first win and finished T3 here last year and T7 last week. Shane Lowry also finished T3 last year and played well at the Masters. I mean they're really almost the same guy when you get down to it.  

The rest of the picks are your who's who of straight hitting consistent players embodied by Corey Conners and Matt Kuchar. You're smart. You get the idea. 

One and Done Pick: Cameron Young
Unfrozen Caveman Golfer!

Other Guy I'd Pick: Shane Lowry

Sleeper Pick: Tyler Duncan

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Patrick Cantlay

$10,300

Cameron Young

$9,600

Sungjae Im

$8,600

Shane Lowry

$8,300

Tyrrell Hatton

$8,200

Corey Conners

$7,800

Matt Kuchar

$7,700

J.T. Poston

$7,300

Adam Svensson

$7,000

Tyler Duncan

$6,800


As I prepare to embark on a four day trip to visit my son in New Orleans for his fraternity's "celebration" of their dads paid for by their dads, we name this week's historical performance chart in honor of the inevitable casualties. 

                                THE FGR'S LIVER AND DIGNITY MEMORIAL
                                    HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

J.T. Poston got the slight nod over Webb Simpson who used to be one of my regulars here based on his sparkling past performance. Webb has shown signs of life lately but the last time I fell for that was at the Players where he missed the cut. You can fool me but once Webb! 

 

DK Price

2022

2021

2020

2019

2018

Jon Rahm

$11,100

DNP

DNP

T33

DNP

DNP

Scottie Scheffler

$11,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Jordan Spieth

$10,400

1st

DNP

T68

T54

DNP

Patrick Cantlay

$10,300

2nd

MC

DNP

T3

T7

Collin Morikawa

$10,000

T26

T7

T64

DNP

DNP

Viktor Hovland

$9,800

DNP

DNP

T21

DNP

DNP

Cameron Young

$9,600

T3

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Tony Finau

$9,400

DNP

DNP

T33

DNP

DNP

Xander Schauffele

$9,300

DNP

DNP

T64

T63

T32

Max Homa

$9,100

DNP

DNP

T41

DNP

DNP

Justin Thomas

$8,900

T35

DNP

T8

DNP

DNP

Sam Burns

$8,700

DNP

T39

MC

9th

DNP

Sungjae Im

$8,600

T21

T13

MC

MC

DNP

Tom Kim

$8,500

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Matt Fitzpatrick

$8,400

MC

T4

T14

T39

T14

Shane Lowry

$8,300

T3

T9

MC

T3

DNP

Tyrrell Hatton

$8,200

T26

T39

T3

DNP

MC

Sahith Theegala

$8,000

T70

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Keegan Bradley

$7,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Corey Conners

$7,800

T12

T4

T21

MC

MC

Russell Henley

$7,800

MC

T9

MC

MC

DNP

Justin Rose

$7,700

DNP

DNP

T14

DNP

DNP

Matt Kuchar

$7,700

T3

T18

T41

2nd

T23

Rickie Fowler

$7,600

MC

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

Si Woo Kim

$7,600

T42

T33

MC

MC

2nd

Wyndham Clark

$7,600

T35

64th

T64

T54

DNP

Chris Kirk

$7,500

MC

T7

DNP

MC

T55

Gary Woodland

$7,500

DNP

DNP

T62

DNP

DNP

Keith Mitchell

$7,500

DNP

DNP

MC

MC

T55

Taylor Montgomery

$7,500

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Adam Scott

$7,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Min Woo Lee

$7,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Taylor Moore

$7,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Tom Hoge

$7,400

MC

T25

MC

MC

T55

Webb Simpson

$7,400

T59

T9

1st

T16

T5

Adam Hadwin

$7,300

T26

MC

T41

T48

DNP

Billy Horschel

$7,300

T21

T25

MC

T45

T5

Brian Harman

$7,300

T35

T13

T28

MC

T23

J.T. Poston

$7,300

T3

MC

T8

T6

DNP

Matt Wallace

$7,300

DNP

T18

T64

MC

DNP

Seamus Power

$7,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

T6

DNP

Denny McCarthy

$7,200

T56

T13

MC

T33

DNP

Harris English

$7,200

DNP

MC

T17

T25

T32

K.H. Lee

$7,200

MC

T56

MC

T48

DNP

Maverick McNealy

$7,200

T26

T4

T58

DNP

DNP

Ryan Fox

$7,200

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Sam Ryder

$7,200

MC

DNP

T41

W/D

MC

Sepp Straka

$7,200

T3

T59

T33

DNP

DNP

Ben Martin

$7,100

T59

MC

DNP

DNP

T55

C. Bezuidenhout

$7,100

DNP

T33

T28

DNP

DNP

Cameron Davis

$7,100

T3

T25

DNP

DNP

DNP

Davis Riley

$7,100

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Kurt Kitayama

$7,100

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Patrick Rodgers

$7,100

DNP

MC

MC

DNP

DNP

Ty Detry

$7,100

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Aaron Rai

$7,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Adam Svensson

$7,000

T26

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

EmIliano Grillo

$7,000

MC

T2

MC

T33

T16

Justin Suh

$7,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Mackenzie Hughes

$7,000

MC

T52

T70

T63

DNP

Sam Stevens

$7,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Stephan Jaeger

$7,000

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Ben Griffin

$6,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Brandon Wu

$6,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Brendon Todd

$6,900

T26

T39

MC

DNP

DNP

Danny Willett

$6,900

T28

T18

MC

MC

DNP

J.J. Spaun

$6,900

MC

DNP

MC

T28

MC

Joel Dahmen

$6,900

T12

DNP

T48

T16

DNP

Nick Taylor

$6,900

MC

MC

DNP

T58

MC

Taylor Pendrith

$6,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Akshay Bhatia

$6,800

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Hayden Buckley

$6,800

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Lanto Griffin

$6,800

MC

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

Lucas Herbert

$6,800

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Scott Stallings

$6,800

MC

MC

T48

T48

T55

Tyler Duncan

$6,800

T12

MC

T28

MC

DNP

Erik van Rooyan

$6,700

T10

DNP

T21

DNP

DNP

Patton Kizzire

$6,700

T26

MC

MC

T45

MC

Beau Hossler

$6,600

MC

MC

DNP

MC

T16

C.T. Pan

$6,600

T42

MC

T52

1st

T23

Lucas Glover

$6,600

T48

T33

T21

MC

T32

Luke List

$6,600

MC

58th

MC

T41

T3

Ryan Palmer

$6,600

DNP

DNP

T8

T28

76th

Chesson Hadley

$6,500

MC

MC

T58

MC

T7

Doug Ghim

$6,500

T35

T33

DNP

DNP

DNP

Matthew NeSmith

$6,500

T12

T48

T33

DNP

DNP

Stewart Cink

$6,500

68th

1st

T62

MC

T42

Kevin Kisner

$6,400

MC

MC

MC

T41

T7

Luke Donald

$6,400

T56

MC

MC

T33

MC

Zach Johnson

$6,400

W/D

MC

MC

T16

T42

Russell Knox

$6,300

MC

MC

MC

MC

T40


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