Fantasy Golf: Sentry Tournament of Champions Preview

I'm sorry but I need to talk about COVID for a minute and specifically the Centers for Disease Control's "evolving" response to it. Let me begin by saying that no one initially supported the efforts of the CDC more than me for two reasons: 

(1) The people who work there passed and presumably excelled in the upper level versions of those college classes held in the "science" building that us English majors* limped away from like victims of an intellectual shark attack. Much respect to them for that as I always felt way stupider the seven or eight times I actually walked into that place; and

(2) I'm a lawyer which means that, by definition (sort of), I'm a rule follower 😉. And following their guidelines seemed to make more sense than drinking bleach and spitting on strangers at the Kohl's.    

Anyway, this most recent pivot to five day quarantine periods has raised my eyebrow. First of all, if you're going to do that, don't be lazy and just cut it in half. At least make it somewhat arbitrary like six days or 96 hours. Five days makes it seem like the loudest guy in the room just barked "MAKE IT HALF!!!" because he was exhausted and hankering for a burrito. 

And why change it now? I mean it's been almost two years. Not to mention, this isn't the first highly contagious virus the world has ever seen. Didn't we have quarantine periods we figured-out for those other viruses that we could've applied to this one? I assume someone wrote them down somewhere. Were those quarantine periods ten days? Five days? Half a fortnight? Seven sols? (Never waste an opportunity to reference The Martian . . . never).   

If I had to guess, I'd say the good people at the CDC were told to cut the quarantine periods against their scientific judgment so they just said "fuck it, make it five days . . . at least that way most of this witless country can count it on one foot." 

TWEET OF THE WEEK

And that leads us to one of my favorite recent Twitter trends. There were so many brilliant entries but this was my favorite.  

GOLF ANALYSIS YOUR AUNT RESEARCHED ON FACEBOOK

I'm picking Bryson DeChambeau this week and I'll level with you about this. A big reason why is so that I don't have to think about picking him again. There is, however, some merit to this decision. Kapalua can be overpowered as Dustin Johnson proved when he beat Jon Rahm by 8 shots in 2018 and Bryson has finished T7 and 7th the last two times he's played it. Also, it's not like he has a great track record at any other tournament where you'd feel like he's a lock so here is as good a place as any. And finally, 2022 is starting off like shit in general so we should expect nothing less from the golf season.

Your chalk picks are Justin Thomas and Xander Schauffele and no one could fault you for choosing either one. Over the last five years they've combined for three wins and four other top tens. Between you and me, I'd pick Xander if I didn't think he was going to win the Masters this year.

The chart below only goes back to 2017 but, if we had drifted back three more years, you'd see Jordan Spieth and Patrick Reed combining for two wins and two runner-ups from 2014-2016. They're both currently playing well as they were then so you would be in your right mind to evaluate them based on those past performances. 

Sam Burns and Talor Gooch are two of the hottest golfers on this or any planet right now. And no I did not have any money on Gooch when he finally won despite spending most of 2021 shouting "Talor Gooch is going to win this year!!!" at passing cars. 

Sungjae Im should be picked every week he plays.

Marc Leishman has some nice history here but then the pickings start getting very very slim as evidenced by the rare $7,500 to $7,1000 salary cap drop-off and that's frankly giving Kevin Na too much credit at $7,100. I say take a flyer on Phil because it will be fun and/or K.H. Lee because he's a big upside guy who has played well of late. You've never heard of most of the other guys in that price range anyway.

I'd love to throw FGR favorites Joel Dahmen and Max Homa in there but I don't see either of them making the final round coverage. At least not as golfers.    

One and Done Pick: Bryson DeChambeau

My sentiments exactly.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Xander Schauffele

Sleeper Pick: Jason Kokrak

DraftKings Top Ten Values

B. DeChambeau	$10,200
Xander Schauffele	$9,500
Sam Burns	$9,100
Jordan Spieth	$8,900
Sungjae Im	$8,200
Patrick Reed	$7,900
Talor Gooch	$7,600
Marc Leishman	$7,500
Phil Mickelson	$6,500
K.H. Lee	$6,000

As usual we have a lot of DNP's on this week's chart but there is some good information in there if you look hard enough. Like maybe sideline Brooks Koepka and Tony Finau until the Golf Channel mercifully stops playing Hawaiian music.

                                          THE BETTY WHITE MEMORIAL

                                     HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

I never gave Betty her due but I've been catching-up this week and she was a genius. To that end, I'm going to leave this clip from The Golden Girls right here. 

	DK PRICE	2021	2020	2019	2018	2017
Jon Rahm	$11,000	T7	10th	T8	2nd	DNP
Collin Morikawa	$10,800	T7	T7	DNP	DNP	DNP
Justin Thomas	$10,600	3rd	1st	3rd	T22	1st
B. DeChambeau	$10,200	T7	DNP	7th	26th	DNP
Viktor Hovland	$10,000	T31	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Patrick Cantlay	$9,700	T13	4th	DNP	T15	DNP
Xander Schauffele	$9,500	T5	T2	1st	T22	DNP
Sam Burns	$9,100	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Jordan Spieth	$8,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	9th	T3
Hideki Matsuyama	$8,700	T41	DNP	DNP	T4	2nd
Brooks Koepka	$8,500	DNP	DNP	24th	34th	DNP
Daniel Berger	$8,400	10th	DNP	DNP	T11	T14
Cameron Smith	$8,300	T24	DNP	DNP	T17	DNP
Sungjae Im	$8,200	T5	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Abraham Ancer	$8,100	T17	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Tony Finau	$8,000	T31	DNP	DNP	DNP	T9
Patrick Reed	$7,900	T21	T2	T25	DNP	T6
Harris English	$7,800	1st	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Jason Kokrak	$7,700	T35	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Talor Gooch	$7,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Marc Leishman	$7,500	T24	DNP	T4	T7	DNP
Kevin Na	$7,100	T38	T32	DNP	DNP	DNP
Billy Horschel	$7,000	T24	DNP	T25	DNP	DNP
Si Woo Kim	$6,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	10th	T30
Cameron Champ	$6,800	T31	T14	T11	DNP	DNP
Max Homa	$6,700	DNP	T25	DNP	DNP	DNP
Seamus Power	$6,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Phil Mickelson	$6,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Garrick Higgo	$6,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Branden Grace	$6,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	32nd
Cameron Davis	$6,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Lucas Herbert	$6,100	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Joel Dahmen	$6,100	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Erik Van Rooyen	$6,100	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Kevin Kisner	$6,000	T24	T14	DNP	T17	9th
Stewart Cink	$6,000	T31	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
K.H. Lee	$6,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matt Jones	$6,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Lucas Glover	$6,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP

Footnotes

* Fun fact. I started as a business major, switched to economics and then took a very ill-fated run at math for a semester that ended in a flaming heap of me failing an open book multivariable calculus exam. I encourage you to click on that link and tell me: (a) what in the fuck they're talking about, and (b) what in the fuck I was thinking. A month later I found my sweet spot immersed in Chaucer and romantic poetry which is what ultimately led to the FGR. Somewhere my dad is beaming with pride. 

** I believe that is the FGR's first recorded use of an emoji and, for all of our sake, let's hope it's the last. 

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