Fantasy Golf: The Farmers Insurance Open Preview

Knowing that the Farmers Insurance Open starts a day early this week, my goal was to get a jump on the preview over the weekend but then the greatest four game stretch in NFL playoff history rose-up and consumed me like a damn leviathan. The perfect storm of shitty local weather, no conflicting obligations and the fact that my liver was still in a walking boot from the previous week's extracurriculars meant that I was easy prey for my couch and pretty much everything from Safeway Aisle 7 with the words "crisp", "crunch" or "cheez" in it (yes "cheez" . . . you know what I'm talking about).

And the outcomes were spectacular starting with the Bengals dismissing the Titans who have been getting owned in the playoffs by the AFC North since the days of Ray Lewis and Eddie George. The AFC South? As a #1 seed? Pfffft.

Then it was the Packers' turn to gag thereby fulfilling Aaron Rodgerss threat to boycott the Super Bowl. Again. Worth noting that the worst Jeopardy guest host is now 7-9 in the playoffs since his lone Super Bowl appearance in 2010. But remember it's a supporting cast issue which I guess explains why Tom Brady is 21-7 with comparable talent during the same stretch?  

And that brings us to Sunday when we had everything from comically bad coaching and secondary play to late game heroics by Patrick Mahomes and Matthew Stafford. Seriously, you know something cosmic is happening when Matthew Stafford makes two clutch throws to lead his team to the NFC Championship game. Then again, on the list of athletes who have paid their karmic dues, I think only Dan Jansen ranks higher so maybe he was due. 

Speaking of karmic dues, the entire city of Buffalo has to be built on a sacred burial ground. I've never been there and hope it stays that way but by all accounts they are one of the most loyal fan bases in the league. And they live in Buffalo. Come on universe. How many folding tables must these people destroy before you throw them a bone?

TWEET OF THE WEEK

There are any number of Aaron Rodgers dunk tweets I could go with here but instead I've decided to share a public service announcement. Allow me to preface it by explaining what a gym locker room conversation should look like:

Me:         Hey Steve how you been?

Steve:     Pretty good Ronny. How're the kids?

Me:         You know. Typical pain in the ass but all good.

Steve:     I hear that.

Me:         We should play golf soon.

Steve:     Absolutely.

The End (Note: Steve and I will never actually play golf but that's not the point)

That took thirty seconds. Tops. And we're done. Not like the two yo-yo's I encountered on Sunday who were into their eighth minute covering everything from high school wrestling to ballroom dance classes with their wives. JFC guys get a room at the Timonium Red Roof Inn+ already.

Anyway, here is your rule of thumb.

GOLF ANALYSIS BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT*

If you remove the stupid Talor Gooch advice, last week's picks really weren't that bad in light of a leaderboard that didn't exactly radiate star power. And I was "this" close to making Hudson Swafford my sleeper before telling myself that I needed to start picking some random young guys like Dylan Wu. Apparently "picking some random" anything is not an effective gambling strategy.

We're going to get very chalky this week because (a) three weeks of failure in pursuit of creativity are enough, and (b) this is one of the chalkiest events on Tour. Even with that mindset, I tried to talk myself out of Jon Rahm but that would just be downright cockamamie. In addition to his sparkling record here the last five years, he won the 2021 U.S. Open on one of these courses (I think it was the blue one).

After Rahm it gets a little tricky. Xander Schauffele and Hideki Matsuyama are very enticing but sometimes you've got to keep your eyes down the buffet and, in this case, there are crabcakes and tater tots past the chicken fingers so we're going to save room on the plate for Will Zalatoris, Tony Finau and Patrick Reed. Finau and Reed are established members of the Torrey Pines inner circle and Zalatoris shows all the signs of gaining entry. In other words, he hits golf ball real good. 

You can't get more ball striker chalky than Ryan Palmer and Keegan Bradley who have both had a lot of success here and Tom Hoge gets a very slight nod over Brandt Snedeker (more on him later) thanks to his runner-up last week. Cameron Davis is going to be the guy I pick every single tournament until the week before he wins again so keep your eye on that. 

And I'm not making the same mistake on my sleeper pick no matter how much I'm distracted by Doug Ghim and Lee Hodges like a car honking in the middle of my backswing . . . seven miles away.

One and Done Pick: Jon Rahm

Believe it or not, I somehow managed
not to screw-up this pick last year.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Will Zalatoris

Sleeper Pick: Patton Kizzire

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Jon Rahm	$11,200
Will Zalatoris	$9,200
Tony Finau	$9,100
Patrick Reed	$8,700
Ryan Palmer	$8,100
Keegan Bradley	$7,900
Tom Hoge	$7,500
Cameron Davis	$7,300
Wyndham Clark	$7,200
Patton Kizzire	$6,800

This is getting tragically ridiculous. Louie Anderson performed at this same damn HBO young comedian showcase with Bob Saget and Sam Kinison and he also crushed it. We need to get Rita Rudner a bodyguard.  

                                   THE LOUIS ANDERSON MEMORIAL

                                 HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

The likes of Jason Day, Gary Woodland, Luke List and Brandt Snedeker are all worth a look. Day and Sneds have each won here twice since 2012. You know the risks with those guys, especially in the middle of a pandemic (oh boy), but the upside of both is quite tantalizing.  

	DK Price	2021	2020	2019	2018	2017
Jon Rahm	$11,200	T7	2nd	T5	T29	1st
Justin Thomas	$10,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Hideki Matsuyama	$10,600	T53	T45	T3	T12	T33
Dustin Johnson	$10,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC
Xander Schauffele	$10,100	T2	MC	T25	MC	MC
Daniel Berger	$10,000	DNP	DNP	MC	DNP	MC
B. DeChambeau	$9,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC	MC
Sam Burns	$9,700	T18	T49	T40	MC	DNP
Brooks Koepka	$9,600	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC
Scottie Scheffler	$9,500	MC	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Jordan Spieth	$9,400	MC	T55	T35	DNP	DNP
Sungjae Im	$9,300	T32	T36	T52	DNP	DNP
Will Zalatoris	$9,200	T7	DNP	DNP	MC	DNP
Tony Finau	$9,100	T2	T6	T13	T6	T4
Marc Leishman	$9,000	T18	1st	T43	T8	T20
Talor Gooch	$8,900	T48	T36	T3	T51	DNP
Corey Conners	$8,800	T37	DNP	DNP	T29	DNP
Patrick Reed	$8,700	1st	T6	T13	T23	DNP
Matthew Wolff	$8,500	W/D	T21	DNP	DNP	DNP
Max Homa	$8,400	T18	T9	DNP	DNP	MC
C. Bezuidenhout	$8,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Maverick McNealy	$8,200	MC	15th	DNP	T29	DNP
Ryan Palmer	$8,100	T2	T21	T13	T2	DNP
Justin Rose	$7,900	DNP	MC	1st	T8	T4
Keegan Bradley	$7,900	DNP	T16	T35	5th	T4
Billy Horschel	$7,800	MC	T68	8th	T54	T64
Si Woo Kim	$7,800	MC	DNP	T29	T35	W/D
Joaquin Niemann	$7,700	DNP	T49	T72	DNP	DNP
Lanto Griffin	$7,700	T7	MC	DNP	T12	DNP
Mackenzie Hughes	$7,700	MC	MC	T29	MC	T54
Cameron Tringale	$7,600	T18	T55	MC	DNP	73rd
Francesco Molinari	$7,600	T10	MC	DNP	T45	T14
Luke List	$7,600	T10	T36	T40	T12	MC
Aaron Wise	$7,500	DNP	DNP	MC	MC	T71
Alex Noren	$7,500	T37	DNP	MC	T2	DNP
Jason Day	$7,500	MC	T16	T5	1st	MC
Tom Hoge	$7,500	MC	5th	MC	T12	DNP
Brandt Snedeker	$7,400	T32	T3	T62	T45	T9
Jhonattan Vegas	$7,400	MC	T30	MC	MC	T28
Keith Mitchell	$7,400	MC	MC	MC	T63	DNP
Mito Pereira	$7,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Hadwin	$7,300	T18	DNP	DNP	T35	T49
Cameron Davis	$7,300	T32	T36	T57	T58	DNP
Carlos Ortiz	$7,300	T29	MC	MC	DNP	DNP
Gary Woodland	$7,300	T48	MC	T9	T12	T20
Kevin Streelman	$7,300	T37	T45	MC	T29	T67
Hudson Swafford	$7,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC
Joel Dahmen	$7,200	MC	T55	T9	MC	DNP
Matt Jones	$7,200	T48	T73	T13	MC	DNP
Rickie Fowler	$7,200	T53	MC	T66	MC	MC
Wyndham Clark	$7,200	T32	MC	T35	DNP	DNP
Alex Smalley	$7,100	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Cameron Champ	$7,100	MC	T16	MC	DNP	DNP
Charley Hoffman	$7,100	W/D	T9	MC	T35	T54
K.H. Lee	$7,100	MC	MC	MC	DNP	DNP
Michael Thompson	$7,100	DNP	MC	T13	MC	DNP
Patrick Rodgers	$7,100	MC	T9	MC	MC	T4
Aaron Rai	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Doug Ghim	$7,000	T37	MC	T20	DNP	DNP
Lee Hodges	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Chez Reavie	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sebastian Munoz	$7,000	DNP	MC	T72	DNP	T54
Dylan Frittelli	$6,900	T53	T73	MC	DNP	DNP
Kyle Stanley	$6,900	T18	MC	MC	T51	T14
Patton Kizzire	$6,800	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP	MC
Emiliano Grillo	$6,700	MC	MC	T52	T12	T33
Harry Higgs	$6,700	T65	T9	DNP	DNP	DNP
Henrik Norlander	$6,700	T2	MC	DNP	DNP	MC
Rory Sabbatini	$6,700	T10	T36	T70	T20	T14
Scott Stallings	$6,700	MC	T49	T43	MC	MC

Footnote

* Just because Meatloaf revealed himself to be a dope later in life does not take away from the fact that he co-created arguably the worst dive bar sing along song of all-time. So we should celebrate that. And here's a fun fact. Karla DeVito who entranced many a youth in the early days of MTV was not the singer on the album. She just donned the heavy makeup and white leotard for the video. And here's another fun fact. She's married to Robby Benson. Yes, THIS Robby Benson. 

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