Fantasy Golf: Shriners Hospital for Children Open

Several years ago I was playing golf with a guy who had achieved notable things in the amateur game but then found himself in a bit of a rut. On about the 11th hole as he was hitting yet another disinterested shot, he dismissively muttered the classic line, "now I know what it feels like to be a 2 handicap." He might as well have followed it with an audible "pffffft."

Fast forward to the fall of 2020. I have achieved nothing notable in the game of golf but I have at least reached the point where (1) I expect to break 80 (from the white tees), (2) count on a couple birdies per round and (3) regularly wow a bunch of cargo short wearing doofs with my mystical skills in the asinine scramble format.  

Today, however, I may have found the bottom of that rut of disinterest. I think it was on about the 11th hole when I realized that an objective observer would have drawn the conclusion that I was a 12 handicap having a really bad day. The drives were missing both ways, every iron was a doomed adventure and the putter was singularly focused on the erasure of any remaining hope at the end of hole. One of the few pars was the product of what I thought was a mishit bunker shot followed by an audible groan followed by the ball landing two feet from the hole.

I'm sure this is all just a combination of the fall blues plus the coronavirus plus the fact that every somewhat competitive round I played this year ended with me throwing-up on my shoes. I mean who subjects themselves to that kind of ongoing punishment. It would be like going to the county fair and announcing "hey I'll be over at the nut kicking booth all day." (Sorry Atlanta Falcons fans). 

Anyway, this too shall pass when we get the opportunity to play even bad golf in the spring after a winter of lockdown that will make us all feel like we're living in Cormac McCarthey's The Road, an uplifting tale of a man and his son surviving in a post nuclear holocaust. NOT the best book I've ever bought at the airport on the way to spring break by the way. Then again, at least they got to travel the countryside and meet people. Sure most of them were cannibalistic marauders but still . . .      

TWEET OF THE WEEK

Google still won't let Cro-Magnon bloggers like myself embed a tweet so my war with them that they're not actually aware of continues. 

I am trying to avoid politics this close to the election which has really put a damper on my social life but this one is too true and FGR specific to pass-up. Not to mention, I think we can all agree at his point that the president is an asshole so it's just a matter of whether he's your asshole. It's pretty much how people have viewed lawyers from the dawn of time.  

GOLF ANALYSIS OF A CERTAIN VARIETY

Either COVID-19 has these guys wanting to play more or it just dawned on them that tournament in Vegas could be fun but whatever the reason, we've got a solid field this week including the young wrecking crew of DeChambeau, Wolff, Morikawa and Scheffler. As much as some of us may want to, you can't ignore Bryson's record here along with the current state of his game. And this is the type of course that Matthew Wolff should be able to light-up so we'll run with a replay of the U.S. Open showdown that wasn't. 

Maybe Harris English is my pick this week and maybe he isn't. I'm still trying to throw-off that guy in my one and done league who read my Sungjae Im misdirection play last week. Apparently I have a tell. 

That middle section of Charley Hoffman, Denny McCarthy and Cameron Champ is basically a hunch and two educated guesses while I'm going to keep plugging Talor Gooch into the sleeper role until he proves me right. And finally there is all-time FGR favorite Spencer Levin who qualified this week and calls to mind one of the most iconic photos in golf history. I'd share it here but, as I may have mentioned on a previous occasion, Google hates fun so if you want to see it, you need to find your way to my Twitter page. I apologize to the majority of my readers who are older and even less tech savvy than I am. Your loss. Ok just click here. You're welcome.

One and Done Pick: Harris English

Other Guy I'd Pick: Bryson DeChambeau

Sleeper Pick: Talor Gooch

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Bryson DeChambeau	$11,800
Harris English	$9,700
Matthew Wolff	$9,600
Cameron Smith	$7,800
Charley Hoffman	$7,800
Denny McCarthy	$7,700
Cameron Champ	$7,600
Ryan Palmer	$7,400
Talor Gooch	$6,800
Spencer Levin	$6,000

This week's Historical Performance Chart is very subjective in that it only includes the players I remotely thought about picking and that means no references to guys like Zach Johnson, Russell Henley and Will Zalatoris who frankly have almost no history at this event anyway. So they don't get to be on the Historical Performance Chart. Hey, I don't make the rules. 

                                                THE MEAN STREET

                                 HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART 

	DK Price	2020	2019	2018	2017	2016
B. DeChambeau	$11,800	T4	1st	T7	T36	DNP
Webb Simpson	$11,000	T7	T15	T20	T31	T56
Patrick Cantlay	$10,400	2nd	2nd	1st	DNP	DNP
Tony Finau (Out)	$10,200	T9	T36	T16	T41	T16
Hideki Matsuyama	$9,900	T16	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Colin Morikawa	$9,800	T42	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Harris English	$9,700	DNP	T36	MC	T4	DNP
Matthew Wolff	$9,600	T18	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Jason Day	$9,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Scottie Scheffler	$9,400	T74	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sungjae Im	$9,300	DNP	T15	DNP	DNP	DNP
Paul Casey	$9,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sergio Garcia	$9,100	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Rickie Fowler	$9,000	DNP	T4	DNP	DNP	T25
Jason Kokrak	$8,900	T63	T66	T7	74th	T38
Louis Oosthuizen	$8,800	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Abraham Ancer	$8,700	MC	T4	MC	DNP	MC
Kevin Na	$8,600	1st	MC	DNP	MC	T2
Brian Harman	$8,000	T18	DNP	DNP	T15	T56
Keegan Bradley	$8,000	70th	DNP	DNP	T7	MC
Cameron Smith	$7,800	T13	DNP	DNP	T10	MC
Charley Hoffman	$7,800	T74	DNP	T18	MC	MC
Denny McCarthy	$7,700	T9	T15	MC	DNP	DNP
Cameron Champ	$7,600	MC	T28	DNP	DNP	DNP
Aaron Wise	$7,400	MC	T15	T32	T10	DNP
Ryan Palmer	$7,400	T37	T7	DNP	DNP	T16
Brandt Snedeker	$7,300	T48	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC
Chez Reavie	$7,300	MC	DNP	DNP	T24	T67
Brendan Steele	$7,200	T29	MC	DNP	T31	MC
Emiliano Grillo	$7,200	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Stewart Cink	$7,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	T15	T56
Adam Hadwin	$7,100	T4	DNP	DNP	T27	MC
Ben An	$7,100	MC	DNP	T32	DNP	DNP
Joel Dahmen	$7,100	T9	T69	MC	DNP	DNP
Kevin Streelman	$7,000	MC	T51	67th	T61	T16
Luke List	$7,000	T13	DNP	T20	T15	DNP
Pat Perez	$7,000	3rd	DNP	DNP	T7	MC
Kyle Stanley	$6,900	T48	DNP	DNP	T7	T43
Talor Gooch	$6,800	T71	DNP	T16	DNP	DNP
Brian Stuard	$6,700	T4	MC	T57	DNP	DNP
Chesson Hadley	$6,700	T18	T7	T4	DNP	T62
Max Homa	$6,700	MC	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Russell Knox	$6,600	T48	DNP	T72	DNP	T38
Scott Piercy	$6,500	MC	T10	T32	T24	T25
Richy Werenski	$6,400	DNP	T23	T51	MC	DNP
Kevin Chappell	$6,400	DNP	DNP	T20	DNP	T62
Spencer Levin	$6,000	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	T25

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