Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Fantasy Golf: The ZOZO Championship Preview

The Counting Crows have a song called Raining in Baltimore and it's exactly as depressing as you'd imagine with Adam Duritz in a full on state of woe. It's pretty consistent with most Baltimore themed songs including Randy Newman's tribute that begins with "Beat up little seagull . . . on a marble stair" and Graham Parsons singing about some poor sap who inexplicably sold his farm in Tennessee to move to Charm City with his lady only to return home alone upon realizing that "she loved those bright lights more than she loved me." I'm still not sure he was talking about the right city because I've yet to discover these alluring bright lights but, when you're trying to find a rhyme for "what she's longing for," I guess you can't make the song about Hackensack.   

Suffice it to say that it's currently raining in Baltimore and I'm sitting here in my dining room, jealous of my dog's simple as he crosses-off two of the top three things on his to do list today by licking his ass and balls. Meanwhile, I'm trying to recover from what may have been one of the worst performances in Fantasy Golf Report history. I know that's saying a lot but check this shit out.
  • The guy I told you to pick made a 9 on his 4th hole and rode that momentum to a tie for 59th in a tournament that only had 78 players.
  • The guy I told you not to pick finished 2nd.
  • Not a single player I recommended finished in the top ten and . . .  
  • I said I was going to pick Talor Gooch every week until it paid off only I didn't pick him the week he finished 5th!
Wow. Even just one monkey with a typewriter would've outperformed that. But this is a new week and with it comes a renewed sense of hop . . . oh who am I kidding? At least we're only three weeks from the Masters which we're all going to watch like the stoned guy at a party tracking the last five pigs in a blanket. More on that later. 


Just when you thought we were in for another week of nothing but the news cycle death march of pandemic gloom and election doom, Jeffrey Toobin rose to the occasion and came to the rescue. (HAHAHAHA see what I did there using words that could have multiple meanings some of which could be construed as dirty?!?!?). I had to sift through a lot of lowbrow tweets to get to this one. You're welcome. 


I still have Collin Morikawa available in a league that runs through the Masters and this feels like as good a time as any to use him. Between you and me, I really have no idea who I will have available after that so there's a good chance that Sandy Lyle will be my pick at Augusta. Or maybe Victor Perez. I've never picked a guy named "Victor" before and it sounds exciting. 

Justin Thomas is in one of those flirting with a win grooves and he's a bit cheaper than the other two guys in that same groove (Xander Schauffele and Jon Rahm) so he gets the nod. That's right, I'm picking against Schauffele again this week because I have learned nothing from past mistakes. This problem is not confined to my golf picks. 

With no course history to call research, the rest of the top ten is pretty much some hunches based on who appears to be on the verge of at least a top five. I'm jumping back on the Talor Gooch bandwagon or at least chasing it down the road after falling-off while trying to high five a pedestrian last week. Remember kids. Keep your hands and feet inside the bandwagon at all times. Especially when double-fisting White Claws. 

One and Done Pick: Collin Morikawa

"Etes-vous sur?"
Other Guy I'd Pick: Justin Thomas

Sleeper Pick: Kevin Kisner 

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Justin Thomas


Collin Morikawa


Viktor Hovland


Matthew Fitzpatrick


Sungjae Im


Abraham Ancer


Paul Casey


Talor Gooch


Kevin Na


Kevin Kisner


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