Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Fantasy Golf: The Zurich Classic Preview

Apparently DraftKings still hasn't figured-out a way to set-up a game for a two man tournament but, due to our commitment here at the FGR to provide a consistently mediocre product, we're going to preview this mutherfucker anyway. So in honor of Hurricane Katrina fixer extraordinaire Michael Brown to whom we pay tribute below, grab a sandbag and let's get to work but first . . .

GOLFBABES TWEET OF THE WEEK



THIS WEEK'S ANALYSIS

You could actually write all day about this event since they switched it to a two-man format. The walk-up music alone is a treasure trove. From every guy with any kind of Irish connection picking the same tired Dropkick Murphys song (really?) to four different teams going with Lil Nas X's Old Town Road which may honestly be the worst song I've ever heard based on the fifteen seconds I just gave it. On the other hand, it did inspire Justin Bieber to write on Instagram that "this shit bangs" so maybe it's me. I'll just be over here listening to Phish covering the Who and you can kindly get the fuck off my lawn.     

There are some inspired choices like Harris English and Johnson Wagner going with Rage Against the Machine's Killing in the Name and a New Orleans tribute by Bubba Watson and J.B. Holmes with When The Saints Go Marching InBut best song selection has to go to Luke Donald and Brendan Steele's #MeToo movement inspired choice of Motley Crue's stipclub homage Girls Girls Girls. Not quite sure that's what PGA Tour Commissioner Jay Monahan had in mind when they pitched this idea to him and said "it'll be awesome boss with guys arriving on the first tee to We Are the Champions and Eye of the Tiger." Leave it to Luke Donald to make it so we can't have nice things.   

As for who's going to win this thing, I have no freakin' idea. I've included the traditional chart of results from the past six years but this has only been a two-man event since 2017. Billy Horschel has won it on his own and last year with Scott Piercy but he stunk the four years in between. The best recent track records belong to Patton Kizzire, Charley Hoffman and the two Jasons Day and Dufner but that is peak mercuriality so good luck with that. I've decided to go in a slightly different direction and spend the weekend hate-rooting for Patrick Reed. I'll be solo parenting while driving all over East Jesus to six soccer games anyway so it should suit my mood.

In case you were wondering what in
the hell TPC Louisiana looked like.
One and Done Pick: Reed/Cantlay

Other Team I'd Pick: Kisner/Brown

Sleeper Pick: Sabbatini/Gay 

Best Intro Song: Girls Girls Girls

Favorite Movie: Whiplash

Best Candy Bar: Kit-Kat

Worst Baby Name: Barney

Here is every player you want to ponder this week and probably some that you don't considering that I'm not sure if all of these guys are even playing.

                   THE BROWNIE YOU'RE DOING A HECK OF A JOB
                              HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART


2018
2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
Adam Scott
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Billy Horschel
1st
MC
T36
T48
MC
1st
Brendan Steele
T10
MC
DNP
MC
T52
T32
Brian Harman
DNP
T14
MC
DNP
DNP
MC
Brian Stuard
T28
T11
1st
T64
MC
MC
Brooks Koepka
MC
T5
DNP
DNP
T21
DNP
Bubba Watson
T28
T5
DNP
DNP
DNP
T15
Bud Cauley
MC
T5
DNP
DNP
T11
DNP
Cameron Smith
MC
1st
DNP
T43
DNP
DNP
Charl Schwartzel
3rd
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Charley Hoffman
T31
T5
T11
DNP
T5
MC
Chesson Hadley
T4
DNP
T20
T8
DNP
DNP
Daniel Berger
MC
MC
T20
T6
DNP
DNP
Graeme McDowell
T22
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Harris English
MC
T32
DNP
MC
DNP
T6
Henrik Stenson
T19
MC
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Ian Poulter
T22
T32
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
J.B. Holmes
MC
T5
DNP
DNP
T11
DNP
Jason Day
T34
MC
T5
T4
DNP
DNP
Jason Dufner
2nd
T5
DNP
DNP
DNP
T42
Jon Rahm
MC
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Jonas Blixt
MC
1st
T72
MC
DNP
70th
Kevin Kisner
T15
2nd
DNP
T28
T34
DNP
Kyle Stanley
DNP
T29
MC
DNP
T52
3rd
Louis Oosthuizen
3rd
T24
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Nick Watney
T31
T5
DNP
MC
T75
T15
Patrick Cantlay
T7
T14
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Patrick Reed
T7
T14
DNP
DNP
MC
MC
Patton Kizzire
DNP
T5
T8
DNP
DNP
DNP
Russell Knox
T7
MC
DNP
T43
MC
DNP
Ryan Palmer
MC
4th
DNP
DNP
MC
T32
Scott Brown
T15
2nd
DNP
T36
DNP
T42
Scott Piercy
1st
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Sergio Garcia
MC
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Tommy Fleetwood
T4
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Tony Finau
6th
MC
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Are you doing a write up for Wells Fargo?