As my week of single parenting mercifully enters its final hours, I think this is a good time to sit back and reflect on what I have observed and what I have extrapolated from that which I have observed:
Observation: I have three children - ages 18, 15 and 11. Two of them kind of look like my wife and one kind of looks like me. The two who look like my wife really stepped-up their games this week by being fully prepared and ready for everything early, helping with the meals, taking care of the dog, etc. The one who looks like me got things rolling by sleeping through his ride to school on Friday. Then he came down with bullshit flu symptoms on Sunday night which required me to leave work early today so I could take him to the doctor and confirm that his flu symptoms were indeed bullshit.
Extrapolation: The one who looks like me will inevitably go to an Ivy League school, get a high-paying job on Wall Street and we'll never see him except at the occasional Christmas dinner when he skips Aspen and comes to our house with his wife and two sons Gage and Chrome. Then one day he will call me out of the blue and ask me to review his plea agreement with the Securities Exchange Commission.
Observation: Donuts are by far the most cost effective way to feed your children.
Extrapolation: Donuts should be served at every meal.
Observation: Cell phones have become indispensable tools in coordinating the logistics of modern family life.
Extrapolation: The fact that we are no longer able to arrange meetings of small groups at predetermined places and times without the need for seventeen texts, a team dedicated group chat and a shared website means that the resistance is doomed when the aliens knock-out our electronic communication capabilities. And you know that's the first thing they're going to do. Fucking aliens.
Observation: You can dump just about any meat into a pan with taco seasoning and come-out of it with a meal that makes you look like your'e not the world's most inept dad.
Extrapolation: I'm ok if Mexico doesn't send us their best people as long as they keep sending us their best spices. We are way on the winning side of that deal.
Observation: My kids seem to have built force fields to shield themselves from my stress as their sense of urgency is inversely proportional to the level of my blood pressure.
Extrapolation: I need to figure-out a way to lower those shields Mr. Spock because don't they know the fucking aliens are coming?!?!
I have no idea how I ended-up on this alien theme. Anxiety, sleep deprivation and CBD oil will do that. And now this . . .
GOLFBABES TWEET OF THE WEEK
THIS WEEK'S ANALYSIS
I had a game plan coming into this year and so far it's been a dumpster fire on a disabled cruise ship but I've been looking to this week since late January as an opportunity to bust out of this funk. (Yes I have known since then that peril lay ahead). Rory is going to win this week. By a lot. He just has that "get the fuck out of my way I'm shooting 26 under" look about him these days and he really digs Quail Hollow.
For your side salad, the options are Phil Mickelson, Rickie Fowler or Justin Rose, all of whom have displayed an affinity for the course. Rose is dead to me after the Masters so that leaves Rickie and Phil and I am taking the former because I think the latter is going to have Bethpage on this mind so he may be in tinkering mode. He should've won the 2009 U.S. Open there but, you're not going to believe this, stumbled down the stretch with bogeys on 15 and 17 to lose by two.
As for the rest, I can only guarantee you two things: (1) Someone like Lucas Glover is going to finish top ten so I'm picking Lucas Glover and (2) a guy you've never heard of is going to finish top five and that guy is Joel Dahmen.
One and Done Pick: Rory McIlroy
Other Guy I'd Pick: Rickie Fowler
Sleeper Pick: Jonathan Byrd
DraftKings Top Ten Values
Not much to glean from recent performances as this event lacks that crew of low-level diehards who play all of the time and post the every other year top twenty. You can't see it below but Jonathan Byrd had a Phil Mickelson type run here around the turn of the last decade and he's playing reasonably well now. For what all of that is worth.
THE KRISPY KREME ORIGINAL GLAZED
HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART
Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.
Observation: I have three children - ages 18, 15 and 11. Two of them kind of look like my wife and one kind of looks like me. The two who look like my wife really stepped-up their games this week by being fully prepared and ready for everything early, helping with the meals, taking care of the dog, etc. The one who looks like me got things rolling by sleeping through his ride to school on Friday. Then he came down with bullshit flu symptoms on Sunday night which required me to leave work early today so I could take him to the doctor and confirm that his flu symptoms were indeed bullshit.
Extrapolation: The one who looks like me will inevitably go to an Ivy League school, get a high-paying job on Wall Street and we'll never see him except at the occasional Christmas dinner when he skips Aspen and comes to our house with his wife and two sons Gage and Chrome. Then one day he will call me out of the blue and ask me to review his plea agreement with the Securities Exchange Commission.
Observation: Donuts are by far the most cost effective way to feed your children.
Extrapolation: Donuts should be served at every meal.
Observation: Cell phones have become indispensable tools in coordinating the logistics of modern family life.
Extrapolation: The fact that we are no longer able to arrange meetings of small groups at predetermined places and times without the need for seventeen texts, a team dedicated group chat and a shared website means that the resistance is doomed when the aliens knock-out our electronic communication capabilities. And you know that's the first thing they're going to do. Fucking aliens.
Observation: You can dump just about any meat into a pan with taco seasoning and come-out of it with a meal that makes you look like your'e not the world's most inept dad.
Extrapolation: I'm ok if Mexico doesn't send us their best people as long as they keep sending us their best spices. We are way on the winning side of that deal.
Observation: My kids seem to have built force fields to shield themselves from my stress as their sense of urgency is inversely proportional to the level of my blood pressure.
Extrapolation: I need to figure-out a way to lower those shields Mr. Spock because don't they know the fucking aliens are coming?!?!
I have no idea how I ended-up on this alien theme. Anxiety, sleep deprivation and CBD oil will do that. And now this . . .
GOLFBABES TWEET OF THE WEEK
Florida International golfer Michelle Rodriguez: "The summer heat is finally here🔥" https://t.co/RmOFUoDouu pic.twitter.com/60bHwq7gTt— Golf Babes (@golfbabes) April 24, 2019
THIS WEEK'S ANALYSIS
I had a game plan coming into this year and so far it's been a dumpster fire on a disabled cruise ship but I've been looking to this week since late January as an opportunity to bust out of this funk. (Yes I have known since then that peril lay ahead). Rory is going to win this week. By a lot. He just has that "get the fuck out of my way I'm shooting 26 under" look about him these days and he really digs Quail Hollow.
For your side salad, the options are Phil Mickelson, Rickie Fowler or Justin Rose, all of whom have displayed an affinity for the course. Rose is dead to me after the Masters so that leaves Rickie and Phil and I am taking the former because I think the latter is going to have Bethpage on this mind so he may be in tinkering mode. He should've won the 2009 U.S. Open there but, you're not going to believe this, stumbled down the stretch with bogeys on 15 and 17 to lose by two.
As for the rest, I can only guarantee you two things: (1) Someone like Lucas Glover is going to finish top ten so I'm picking Lucas Glover and (2) a guy you've never heard of is going to finish top five and that guy is Joel Dahmen.
 |
| Hey remember when they just played a major here? (Yeah, me neither). |
Other Guy I'd Pick: Rickie Fowler
Sleeper Pick: Jonathan Byrd
DraftKings Top Ten Values
Rory McIlroy
|
$11,800
|
Rickie Fowler
|
$10,600
|
Paul Casey
|
$9,500
|
Lucas Glover
|
$8,500
|
Charles Howell, III
|
$8,400
|
Aaron Wise
|
$8,100
|
Joel Dahmen
|
$7,600
|
Adam Hadwin
|
$7,200
|
Denny McCarthy
|
$7,000
|
Jonathan Byrd
|
$6,700
|
Not much to glean from recent performances as this event lacks that crew of low-level diehards who play all of the time and post the every other year top twenty. You can't see it below but Jonathan Byrd had a Phil Mickelson type run here around the turn of the last decade and he's playing reasonably well now. For what all of that is worth.
THE KRISPY KREME ORIGINAL GLAZED
HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART
DK Price
|
2018
|
2017
|
2016
|
2015
|
2014
|
|
Rory McIlroy
|
$11,800
|
T16
|
DNP
|
T4
|
1st
|
T8
|
Jason Day
|
$11,000
|
1st
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Rickie Fowler
|
$10,600
|
T21
|
DNP
|
T4
|
DNP
|
T38
|
Justin Rose
|
$10,300
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
3rd
|
DNP
|
5th
|
Hideki Matsuyama
|
$10,100
|
T76
|
DNP
|
T11
|
T20
|
T38
|
Sergio Garcia
|
$9,900
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Webb Simpson
|
$9,700
|
T21
|
MC
|
MC
|
T2
|
T38
|
Paul Casey
|
$9,500
|
T5
|
T12
|
T41
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Tony Finau
|
$9,300
|
T21
|
DNP
|
T28
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Phil Mickelson
|
$9,100
|
T5
|
T18
|
T4
|
T4
|
T11
|
Gary Woodland
|
$9,000
|
MC
|
DNP
|
T24
|
T4
|
T18
|
Henrik Stenson
|
$8,900
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
MC
|
T58
|
DNP
|
Patrick Reed
|
$8,800
|
8th
|
T12
|
T28
|
T58
|
DNP
|
Jason Kokrak
|
$8,700
|
MC
|
T66
|
MC
|
MC
|
T23
|
SunGjae Im
|
$8,600
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Lucas Glover
|
$8,500
|
MC
|
T52
|
8th
|
T28
|
MC
|
Charles Howell, III
|
$8,400
|
T21
|
DNP
|
MC
|
T38
|
T18
|
Byeong Hun An
|
$8,300
|
T63
|
T8
|
MC
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Johnny Vegas
|
$8,200
|
T42
|
DNP
|
T53
|
T76
|
MC
|
Aaron Wise
|
$8,100
|
T2
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Keegan Bradley
|
$8,000
|
T76
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Luke List
|
$8,000
|
T9
|
T42
|
MC
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
J.B. Holmes
|
$7,900
|
T42
|
T36
|
T53
|
MC
|
1st
|
Keith Mitchell
|
$7,800
|
T34
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Kevin Streelman
|
$7,700
|
MC
|
MC
|
MC
|
T9
|
T14
|
Rory Sabbatini
|
$7,700
|
T27
|
W/D
|
DNP
|
MC
|
T8
|
Joel Dahmen
|
$7,600
|
T16
|
MC
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Nick Watney
|
$7,600
|
T2
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
MC
|
MC
|
Kyle Stanley
|
$7,500
|
T13
|
DNP
|
MC
|
DNP
|
T60
|
Trey Mullinax
|
$7,500
|
MC
|
MC
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Adam Hadwin
|
$7,200
|
T16
|
DNP
|
T61
|
MC
|
DNP
|
Chesson Hadley
|
$7,000
|
T16
|
MC
|
T11
|
T20
|
DNP
|
Denny McCarthy
|
$7,000
|
MC
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
DNP
|
Brian Harman
|
$6,800
|
74th
|
1st
|
T35
|
MC
|
T65
|
Jonathan Byrd
|
$6,700
|
MC
|
DNP
|
MC
|
MC
|
T14
|
Johnson Wagner
|
$6,700
|
T13
|
MC
|
T28
|
MC
|
68th
|
Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.
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