Fantasy Golf: The Barclays Preview

It's looking more and more every week like this traditional tournament preview format that had become the staple of the Fantasy Golf Report is going the way of the beeper, the CD and Sergio Garcia's chances of winning a major* thanks to the good folks over at DraftKings. (Maybe you've heard of them. They advertise on ESPN sometimes). That may not be a bad thing as just running out some re-blended version of the odds every week doesn't serve much purpose other than to create a lot of space on the right side of the page for pretty pictures and I'm sure, if we really put our minds to it, we could figure-out some way to do that as part of the DraftKings preview.    

But let's at least ride this through the Tour Championship and then decide whether to kill it. If for no other reason, we have to finish what we started with the one and done picks which continue to roll with another solid showing this week thanks to Bill Haas. Now it gets a bit tricky, however, because the pickings are slim (with one exception). I tentatively have the playoffs mapped-out with Charl Schwartzel going this week, Robert Streb at the Deutsche, Paul Casey at the BMW and Jordan Spieth only having to beat twenty-nine other players at the Tour Championship (yeah baby). As far as I can tell, the viable options that leaves unused are Danny Lee, David Lingmerth and Ryan Moore so I certainly won't have left much in the bag.

If I can get a win out of Spieth and a few other top fives, I have an outside shot at the money despite the fact that my picks through the Players appear to have been made while under the influence of some kind of Robitussin/Ambien/Jägermeister cocktail. In other words . . . you're tellin' me I got a chance . . . 

The Barclays Odds

It's playoff time so let's go
ahead and feature some past 
FGR  All-Stars like Eva . . .

1. Jordan Spieth - 6/1
2. Jason Day - 10/1
3. Justin Rose - 10/1
4. Dustin Johnson - 12/1
5. Rickie Fowler - 25/1
6. Henrik Stenson - 25/1
7. Bubba Watson - 25/1
8. Brooks Koepka - 25/1
9. Matt Kuchar - 30/1
10. Jim Furyk - 33/1

The FGR Barclays Picks

1. Jordan Spieth
2. Dustin Johnson
3. Jason Day
4. Justin Rose
5. Brooks Koepka
6. Jim Furyk
7. Bubba Watson
8. Charl Schwartzel

 . . . and Selma . . . 

9. Ryan Moore
10. David Lingmerth 

The One and Done Pick: Charl Schwartzel 

The Sleeper Pick: Charley Hoffman

Last Week’s Report Card: C+

1. Brandt Snedeker – T43rd
2. Bill Haas – T6th
3. Billy Horschel – M/C
4. Justin Thomas – T56
5. Brooks Koepka – T6

One and Done Picks to Date

Hyundai: Kevin Streelman - $70,667

Sony: Chris Kirk - $42,280

Humana: Russell Knox - M/C
Phoenix: Hunter Mahan - $36,729
Farmers: Hideki Matsuyama - M/C
AT&T: Dustin Johnson - $281,067

. . . and Lucy AND Rosie!!!

Northern Trust: Jimmy Walker - $24,120

Honda: Keegan Bradley - M/C

WGC-Cadillac: Bubba Watson - $540,000

Valspar: Jim Furyk - $23,600

Palmer: Brooks Koepka – W/D

Texas Open: Matt Kuchar - $99,200

Houston Open: Louis Oosthuizen - M/C

Masters: Rory McIlroy - $480,000

Heritage: Patrick Reed - M/C

Zurich: Rickie Fowler - M/C

Match Play: Graeme McDowell - $49,385

Players: Henrik Stenson - $130,857

Wells Fargo: Webb Simpson - $624,800

Colonial: Zach Johnson - $78,780

Byron Nelson: Gary Woodland - $15,407

Memorial: Justin Rose - $669,600

FedEx St. Jude: Billy Horschel - $168,000

U.S. Open: Phil Mickelson - $23,822

Travelers: Brandt Snedeker - $147,200

Greenbrier: Kevin Kisner - $500,267

John Deere: Robert Streb - $84,600

British Open: Sergio Garcia - $305,878

Canadian Open: Charley Hoffman - $174,725

Quicken Loans: Justin Thomas - $242,875

Bridgestone: Adam Scott - $55,000

PGA Championship: Jason Day - $1,800,000

Wyndham: Bill Haas - $174,825

Season Total: $6,843,684

Footnote

* You know who doesn't share our enthusiasm for the youth movement led by Spieth, McIlroy, Day and Rose? Sergio, Matt Kuchar and Henrik Stenson. Sorry fellas but you had a really nice Tigerless window there from 2009-14 and you should've grabbed one when you had the chance. Now you're Tom Cruise and Kevin Costner clapping for Tom Hanks, Sean Penn and Daniel Day-Lewis at the Oscars.

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.

The Draft Kings Top Twenty: The Barclays

Last week was shaping-up for a nice take until Brandt Snedeker three-jacked the first hole on Sunday and carried that momentum to a smooth 75. That one freakin' round basically took my "A" team of Snedeker, Bill Haas, Will Wilcox, Cameron Smith, Ben Martin and Jerry Kelly out of contention despite respectable efforts by Martin and Kelly to keep the team afloat. I guess that's why they call it gambling . . . NEVER-UP NEVER-IN . . . PLAYER "B" . . . DOES YOUR HUSBAND PLAY? . . . RUN LIKE A SORE DIC . . . sorry, left the lid off the cliché jar again.

Here's how all of last week's picks panned-out. I apologize for the Ricky Barnes and Johnson Wagner advice. You deserve better than that. Well at least some of you probably do. The rest of you know who you are.   

That damn porn stache suckers me in everytime.

Last Week's Picks

1. Brandt Snedeker - $10,300 (T43)

2. Bill Haas - $9,600 (T6)

3. Will Wilcox - $8,400 (T26)

4. Ricky Barnes - $7,000 (M/C)

5. Cameron Smith - $7,400 (T18)

6. Ben Martin - $7,900 (T10)

7. Billy Horschel - $9,500 (M/C)

8. Camilo Villegas - $7,100 (T26)

9. Johnson Wagner - $7,700 (M/C)

10. Jerry Kelly - $6,400 (T18)
11. Davis Love, III - $5,800 (1st)*

THE BARCLAYS DRAFT KINGS TOP TWENTY

Moving right along we have a top notch field this week that should be able to defend the leaderboard from threats by the likes of Jason Gore, Scott Brown and Tiger Woods. There is value to be had all over the joint and remember that's what we're trying to identify here. If you want to build a team around Jason Day, Justin Rose or Bubba Watson, by all means do and in fact, I'd recommend it but I'm not really helping you if I load the list with those guys now am I? (Deep down you know I'm right. You just need to convince you). 

So let's get down to it. I should tell you that I've already changed my first team line-up about five times but it keeps revolving around the top four on this list. Dammit, I've already said too much.   

1. Brooks Koepka - $9,700

Brooksy has four top six finishes in his last seven starts (including three in a row) and his three "missteps" were a pair of T18's at the U.S. and Canadian Opens on either side of a T10 at the British. You've got to ride him until he cools-off or until they find "Brooks was Here" carved into his hotel room wall (shame on you if you don't get that reference). 

2. Robert Streb - $7,900

Streb is almost as hot as Koepka but at about 80% of the price (I was a math major for a semester). In his last nine starts he has a 2nd, a 4th, a 5th and five other top 20's. I've got to believe that the DK pricing gun had a digit off on this one.

3. Dustin Johnson - $10,700

This is based on two factors: (1) Despite all of his trials, tribulations and "jet ski lifting injuries" including a quadruple bogey to start the final round at Whistling Straits, DJ still finished T7 at the PGA Championship which indicates that the process of exercising the demons from Chambers Bay and St. Andrews has begun, and (2) the last time the Barclays was played at Plainfield CC in 2011, he shot -19 through 54 holes to win the shortened event.

4. Charley Hoffman - $7,000

If you take out the last three majors, Hoffman has been money this season with six top tens and a win. He finished T7 as recently as the Canadian Open and T10 at the 2011 Barclays and the momentum from that round four years ago should absolutely carryover. 

5. Russell Henley - $7,500

"And remember. If you're in a posse and you don't
know who the fall guy is, then you're the fall guy."

Henley just has the look of a player who could make a run at the FedEx Cup. Solid all-around game and the capacity to get super hot with the putter like Billy Horschel did last year. He finished 5th at the Greenbrier before going T20 at the British, T17 at the Bridgestone and T12 at the PGA so, not unlike Cris Carter's "Everyone Need's a Fall Guy" campaign, he's trending in the right direction.

6. Shawn Stefani - $6,200

Our clearance rack pick and we're going the always suspect stats route with Stefani who is 15th in the All-Around ranking. He backs that up with a solid track record of ten top 25's in twenty-three tournaments. For $6,200, you can throw him in with three studs and hope he snags you a top 15 like he did at the Greenbrier and Wells Fargo. (Warning: Ricky Barnes potential). 

7. Charl Schwartzel - $8,200

This is something of a hunch pick. Sooner or later it's going to click for Schwartzel and he'll have a run similar to what he had on the European Tour at the end of 2012 into the beginning of 2013. His game looked really solid last week at the Wyndham as it did when he finished 7th at the U.S. Open. (But what about the three turds he dropped between those two events? . . . shhhhhh). 

8. Tony Finau - $7,300

If DJ liked Plainfield back in 2011, then Tony Finau should love it considering how he kills it off the tee (8th in driving distance). He's been rock solid since mid-May including strong finishes at the U.S. Open (T14), the PGA Championship (T10) and the Memorial (T8). You also have to pick at least one guy named Tony for all tournaments played in Jersey.

9. Zach Johnson - $8,100

Forget that he missed the cut at the PGA because you can't really judge a player after he's won a major, especially the way ZJ won that one. More importantly, he came into St. Andrews playing great having finished top six in three of his previous four tournaments. He'll get that back and at this price, they're practically giving him away.

10. Jordan Spieth - $12,600

You have to build at least one line-up a week around him because he's probably going to win two of the next four tournaments and do seven different things that will make you, me and his parents proud. 

Yeah Ryan, I'm not that jazzed about picking you either.

The Best of the Rest 

11. Jimmy Walker - $7,600
12. Kevin Kisner - $6,900
13. Jim Furyk - $8,800
14. David Lingmerth - $7,800
15. Ryan Moore - $7,600
16. Ben Martin - $6,800
17. Will Wilcox - $7,200
18. Brendan Steele - $7,100
19. Scott Piercy - $6,700
20. Paul Casey - $8,700

Footnote

* Of course I didn't pick him. Who would? Well at least one guy who teamed him up with Koepka, Pettersson, Schwartzel, Simpson and Singh to pull down $100K. That's some chaos theory level shit right there.

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.

A Midsummer Night's Rant

I'm way overdue to go ballistic in writing but it's frankly been a pretty mellow summer marked by only the occasional episodes of road rage and my recent attempt to get a golf cart airborne with my pitching wedge (that worked-out great). But that all changed last weekend with a Leo Getz experience* I had on Saturday afternoon that reaffirmed almost everything I believe about the current state of humanity. (SPOILER ALERT: It ain't good). This rant actually began as a tersely worded email to the offending party but then I said hey, "why write to just one person when I can write to a whole bunch of people?" And then the FGW said, "hey, stop talking to yourself again. You're really starting to freak me out." Let the healing begin.

"So which client should I 
bill these two hours to?"

It all began last summer when we made the decision to unload our Ravens season tickets meaning that we were cutting ties with the NFL. The FGW and I had some memorable (and some not so memorable) times over those seventeen years with the peak coming during a five year pre-kid stretch when we could walk from our front door to our seats in 15 minutes passing at least a dozen bars on our journey. The walk home from the more electrifying 1:00 p.m. games often involved multiple layovers, took the better part of eight hours and yielded some brutal Mondays. 

By last year, however, the following factors dictated that I sit down with the NFL and explain "it's not you . . . it's me": (1) As a guy who now prefers to watch football with his kids, I didn't want to go to the games without them, (2) at $110 per ticket plus parking and food, we had been priced out of the market, (3) the in-stadium NFL experience absolutely sucks for families* and (4) Redzone was born. Now instead of frantically scrambling to the stadium to blow three lease payments on a Kia Sorrento, we hit the basement on Sundays at 12:58 p.m., sandwiches, chips and drinks in hand and countdown those last ten seconds before Scott Hanson presents the greatest cornucopia that televised sports has to offer. It's only been one season but I'm comfortable saying that the remorse I feel about ditching my football tickets ranks slightly above the remorse I feel for every shitty job I've left in my wake (and that is not a small sample size).

OK now flash forward to October of 2014 and game 2 of the Orioles-Tigers playoff series. I fell into four tickets for the afternoon game so I yanked the kids out of school and headed to the park. After being held pretty much in check by Justin Verlander and the Tigers' bullpen for most of the game, the O's trailed 6-4 with one out in the bottom of the 8th when Delmon Young came up with the bases loaded. And then this happened. It was the most jacked-up sports crowd I've ever been a part of and I'm not exaggerating when I say that it literally made me a baseball fan again to the point that I signed-up for 2015 season tickets that week just so I'd be guaranteed seats for the remainder of the playoffs and beyond. (Impulse control is not one of my strong suits).

The balance of the 2014 playoffs did not go as planned with the O's getting swept by the Royals in the ALCS but I was still fired-up to be a season ticket holder for 2015 and for the first four and a half months of the season, everything went swimmingly. We made it to a handful of games, spread a few extra tickets around to friends, picked-up a couple of Buck Showalter garden gnomes and were thoroughly enjoying the experience . . . until last Saturday's autograph day for season ticket holders (uh oh).

So let's jump right in and start with the essence of the pitch from the O's marketing department for this event. "All 81 and 29 game season ticket holders can enter the park at 3:30 for an autograph session with the players that will begin at 3:45 and end at 4:30." Now I have no idea how many season ticket holders there are but I stupidly assumed that the O's did and that they also had some well-reasoned theories based on experience about how long it would take for that many people to get one (ONE!!!) autograph. I even hedged my bet and told my kids to forget about Manny Machado, Chris Davis and Adam Jones to ensure that we wouldn't get left out in the cold or, in this case, the heat. So we went for the station that featured closer Zach Britton and a couple other players that no one outside of Rosedale, MD could pick out of a lineup.  

Well that explains it.

At this point it should be noted that one of the great joys of being me is that I possess a mental timepiece so accurate that you could shake me out of a drunken coma at 4:17 a.m. and, in a second, I could guess what time it is to within five minutes. It's kind of like walking around with the clock from 24 ticking in your head but instead of trying to stop terrorist plots, you're trying to make it to your kid's Christmas show so you'll have a fucking seat this year. The effect is that you spend most of your life wearing this expression because you're always calculating and recalculating what you need to get done and the time you don't have left to do it.

So that's what I started doing when we got in the autograph line and I could immediately tell we were in trouble. The nimrods in charge actually tried to take some of the grind out of waiting by having us line-up in the seats instead of standing but any convenience that provided was extinguished by the fact that I was on the end where next to the usher and to describe him as a colossal unapologetic dickhead would be to grossly understate his warm welcoming persona. Instead of Joe Pesci from Lethal Weapon 2, think Joe Pesci from Casino . . . "hey kid, if you don't make it in time, I'll sign your jersey courtesy of Carmine P. Gofuckyourself."

But the constipated usher wasn't even the main target of my ire. No, that was directed at the thousands of "adults" who had jammed the place looking for autographs. It was also J.J. Hardy jersey giveaway night and it was only available in "One Size Fits Norm Peterson" so half of the people between me, my kids and Zach Britton were waddling around in an orange shirt that's the size of a spinnaker and looks like it was made out of the leftover polyester from the American Hustle wardrobe department. (I plan to use mine to put out grease fires on my grill). By the time the actual game rolled around and 15,000 people were wearing them, the stadium looked like a chemically engineered pumpkin farm gone horribly wrong. 

But back to the autograph hounds. Now I'm not going to say I've never asked for an autograph as an adult because I did one time when I was in a liquor store and I heard the smooth southern drawl that could only belong to Monday Night Football announcer Don Meredith so I asked him to sign a six-pack of Budweiser for me and he happily obliged. (I maintained possession of that autograph for almost an hour). The difference is that I didn't seek it out and I sure as hell didn't wait in line for it. I think the rule is fairly simple. If you want to call yourself a man, you do not wait in line to ask another man for his signature unless it's on a check, a contract or a court order. Period. 

"And never drink brown
liquor after midnight."

You've probably guessed the end of this story by now. After a 45 minute wait, we still weren't even in sight of the players when they shut it down and not even the FGW's uncanny ability to turn chicken shit into chicken salad could save the day. At that point I got to look at my kids and apologize because you can bet no one from the Orioles was going to to do it. In the end it will just go down as another teaching moment in the ongoing course called "Life is Full of Disappointments When You Put Yourself at the Mercy of Incompetent Fucktards so Control Your Own Destiny Whenever Possible: 101."

Footnotes

* As part of my perpetuation of the delusion that I actually have readers under the age of 40, I feel compelled to explain that Leo Getz is a character played by Joe Pesci in Lethal Weapon 2, one of the five best movie sequels of all-time that also produced one of the most epic rants on shitty customer service. It's as relevant today as it was when Pesci unleashed it twenty-six years ago.

** The last time I took my kids to a football game was in 2013. While waiting in line for one of the two "family" bathrooms with my then nine year old son, we encountered two drunk jackass twenty somethings who didn't feel like waiting for the men's room and another older "gentleman" who thought it would be appropriate to engage my son in a way too serious debate about whether the Ravens were better than the Colts. I could tolerate the drunks because I've almost been that guy (if you count the time I darted into the ladies' room in a moment of dire need) but I finally had to get face to face with the jerkoff and say in my best slow monotone "I'm capable of anything right now" voice "stop . . . talking . . . to my kid." That made the remainder of the wait a bit icy. Meanwhile, the useless joker on the stool by the door in the yellow shirt with "STAFF" written on it who was presumably supposed to be proctoring this whole family bathroom situation just sat there with his thumb up his ass. As we exited, I patted him on the shoulder and encouraged him to "keep up the good work." 

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.

Fantasy Golf: The Wyndham Preview

After starting slower than a Russian novel, the FGR's one and done picks have heated-up since Webb Simpson took second at the Wells Fargo and we finally hit paydirt with Jason Day at Whistling Straits. This week we look to keep that momentum going with Bill Haas. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your Wyndham Championship Preview. Sorry for the brevity but as you will see shortly, I got a bit carried away on a tangent that diverted my attention this week ("do you guys want to go ride bi . . . hey, check-out the cloud that looks like an Iguana"). Most of what you want to know can be found in the Draft Kings Top Ten List anyway so I don't want to waste your, my or our time. So let's just get to the picks and an introduction to the new friend I made listening to the radio today (that came out a bit creepy).

The Wyndham Championship Odds

1. Brooks Koepka - 16/1

Meet ESPN personality and
new FGR favorite, Sarah Spain.

2. Hideki Matsuyama - 16/1
3. Brandt Snedeker - 18/1
4. Adam Scott - 18/1
5. Martin Kaymer - 22/1
6. Webb Simpson - 22/1
7. Branden Grace - 22/1
8. Justin Thomas - 25/1
9. Bill Haas - 28/1
10. Ryan Moore - 33/1

The FGR Wyndham Picks

1. Brandt Snedeker
2. Bill Haas
3. Billy Horschel
4. Justin Thomas
5. Brooks Koepka

The FGR One and Done Pick: Bill Haas

The FGR Sleeper Pick: Cameron Smith

The FGR Deep Sleeper: Brad Miller*

Huge sports fan. 
Total wise-ass.**

Last Week's Report Card: A

1. Jason Day - 1st
2. Bubba Watson - 21st
3. Jordan Spieth - 2nd
4. Justin Rose - 4th
5. Henrik Stenson - T25th

6. Rory McIlroy - 17th
7. Robert Streb - T10th
8. Rickie Fowler - T30th
9. Zach Johnson - M/C
10. Brooks Koepka - T5th

One and Done Picks to Date

Hyundai: Kevin Streelman - $70,667

Sony: Chris Kirk - $42,280

Humana: Russell Knox - M/C
Phoenix: Hunter Mahan - $36,729
Farmers: Hideki Matsuyama - M/C
AT&T: Dustin Johnson - $281,067

And she can shoot the 3.
What's not to love?**

Northern Trust: Jimmy Walker - $24,120

Honda: Keegan Bradley - M/C

WGC-Cadillac: Bubba Watson - $540,000

Valspar: Jim Furyk - $23,600

Palmer: Brooks Koepka – W/D

Texas Open: Matt Kuchar - $99,200

Houston Open: Louis Oosthuizen - M/C

Masters: Rory McIlroy - $480,000

Heritage: Patrick Reed - M/C

Zurich: Rickie Fowler - M/C

Match Play: Graeme McDowell - $49,385

Players: Henrik Stenson - $130,857

Wells Fargo: Webb Simpson - $624,800

Colonial: Zach Johnson - $78,780

Byron Nelson: Gary Woodland - $15,407

Memorial: Justin Rose - $669,600

FedEx St. Jude: Billy Horschel - $168,000

U.S. Open: Phil Mickelson - $23,822

Travelers: Brandt Snedeker - $147,200

Greenbrier: Kevin Kisner - $500,267

John Deere: Robert Streb - $84,600

British Open: Sergio Garcia - $305,878

Canadian Open: Charley Hoffman - $174,725

Quicken Loans: Justin Thomas - $242,875

Bridgestone: Adam Scott - $55,000

PGA Championship: Jason Day - $1,800,000

Season Total: $6,668,859

Footnote

* Brad Miller is a young pro from Baltimore who shot 63 on Monday to earn a spot in his first PGA Tour event. Depending on his schedule, the rules for professionals participating and whether my game shows-up for the qualifier, I could have the privilege of playing 11 or 12 holes against him if I sneak in as a low seed for our club championship. (My hand just started shaking like Gene Wilder's in Blazing Saddles). Good luck Brad . . . for now.  

** Spain, who played hoops in high school and was a college track and field star at Cornell, was on the Russillo show today and it's her birthday. When asked what she planned to do, she said probably nothing because she had to be on the air early the next morning and didn't want to come in with her "party voice." Suffice it to say, she had me at "party voice." 

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.