Fantasy Golf: The Wells Fargo Championship Preview

Happy week after NCAA Men's Lacrosse Selection Sunday to those who celebrate. For those who don't, you've missed-out on the alumni of some of the most elite institutions of higher learning in this country taking to their group chats and social media to demand that wrongs be righted and change be made to a system stacked against them. Never mind that this system selected a tournament field where over 35% of the teams are Duke, Georgetown, Princeton, Johns Hopkins, Notre Dame and the University of Virginia . . . seven schools that combine to produce nearly half of America's douchebags.    

If not for Harvard and Yale having down years and the SEC's lack of participation, the 2024 version of this tournament would have absolutely cornered the market on moms in white jeans and dads in quarter-zips screaming complete nonsense at fields full of people playing a sport that they do not understand. It's a shame that Columbia is the only Ivy that doesn't field a team. Apparently those kids have a lot of energy to burn and maybe they could've actually won a game that mattered.     

Everything is so stupid right now. My son is about to graduate from a fairly prominent southern university (not the one with the wall of frat boys making monkey gestures at the black woman). Last week a small group of protesters setup shop on a tiny patch of his campus and that sparked cries of "Oooohhhh noooo our kids have been through soooo much with COVID and hurricanes and a dining hall that closed at 9:00 on the night my daughter got hungry at 9:03 . . . . THE HUMANITY!!!" 

Hands were literally wrung into a state of carpel tunnel syndrome over this "threat" despite the fact that (a) graduation was still almost three weeks away, and (b) did I mention that this school is in the south with southern cops who wake-up every morning hoping for an excuse to beat-up some college kids? Suffice it to say, the encampment is now gone so we can again flood Facebook with the important questions like "how do I get tickets to graduation?" (you don't need them) and "what are the dads wearing?" (I'd recommend a fucking dunce cap).  

TWEET OF THE WEEK

As a man who has deleted some Bud Lights, I think Hoagie looks downright sexy. 

That’s the look of a guy that deleted some Bud Lights last night. pic.twitter.com/78lM0nsQ50

— Golf Bet Caddie (@GolfBetCaddie) May 2, 2024

GOLF ANALYSIS

We get back to some familiar territory this week at Quail Hollow where the PGA Tour has been stopping on a fairly regular basis since 2003. It was the site of Justin Thomas' first PGA Championship win in 2017 but, more importantly, it's where Rory McIlroy has won three times including most recently in 2021. MOST importantly, in 2015 he lit-up a rain soaked course for a third round 61 on his way to a 7 shot win and should face similar conditions this week as the East Coast has established its usual spring aroma of standing sewer water combined with wet dog fur.

I wouldn't fault you for taking a hard look at Xander Schauffele or defending champ Wyndham Clark but it just feels like all trends are colliding in Rory's favor. Here are the other guys I like, especially 2012 champion Rickie Fowler who finished T5 at the 2017 PGA Championship and Justin Rose who just finishes top five every time he shows-up at this joint. 

Tommy Fleetwood	Top 5	+550
Sahith Theegala	Top 5	+550
Rickie Fowler	Top 10	+450
Denny McCarthy	Top 10	+450
Justin Rose	Top 10	+1000

In closing, I just walked six holes in this pea soup and worked-up a George Kennedy from Cool Hand Luke caliber bald man sweat that attracted enough flying insects to definitely give me malaria. It was a good run. See you on the other side.  

One and Done Pick: Rory McIlroy

I honestly believe that Rory will draw
some inspiration from the fact that we
were just in New Orleans "together." 

Other Guy I'd Pick: Wyndham Clark

Sleeper Pick: Rickie Fowler

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Rory McIlroy	$11,800
Tommy Fleetwood	$9,500
Max Homa	$9,400
Sahith Theegala	$9,100
Justin Thomas	$8,500
Adam Scott	$7,700
Stephan Jaeger	$7,500
Denny McCarthy	$7,300
Rickie Fowler	$6,900
Justin Rose	$6,600

The race for my most expensive child was almost over before it started with my first but lately, my third has been making a nice run thanks to the racket that is club sports. But then, out of nowhere, my second oldest appeared on the backstretch this week with a relatively sudden and thoroughly not pre-approved one month study abroad program in Thailand for which you need $1,000 worth of vaccinations when you wait until the day before the trip to get them. Factor-in his inevitable arrest for mouthing-off to a Bangkok cop and we could have a new leader in the clubhouse by June.

                                      THE NEVER COUNT OUT SON #2

                                  HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

Notables below who are not mentioned above include Viktor Hovland (playing like shit), Sungjae Im (also playing like shit) and Corey Conners (Canadian). Make of all that information what you will.

	DK Price	2023	2021	2019	2018	2016
Rory McIlroy	$11,800	T47	1st	T8	T16	T4
Xander Schauffele	$11,500	2nd	T14	DNP	T2	DNP
Wyndham Clark	$10,500	1st	T43	MC	DNP	DNP
Ludvig Aberg (Out)	$10,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Patrick Cantlay	$9,800	T21	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Tommy Fleetwood	$9,500	T5	T14	DNP	MC	DNP
Max Homa	$9,400	T8	MC	1st	DNP	DNP
Collin Morikawa	$9,300	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Viktor Hovland	$9,200	T43	T3	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sahith Theegala	$9,100	T56	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Hideki Matsuyama	$8,900	DNP	DNP	T31	T76	T11
Cameron Young	$8,800	T59	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matt Fitzpatrick	$8,700	T35	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Si Woo Kim	$8,600	T43	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC
Justin Thomas	$8,500	T14	T26	DNP	T21	MC
Jordan Spieth	$8,400	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Russell Henley	$8,300	DNP	T72	MC	MC	DNP
Alex Noren	$8,200	MC	DNP	DNP	MC	DNP
Byeong Hun An	$8,100	MC	MC	W/D	T63	MC
Brian Harman	$8,000	MC	T18	T24	74th	T35
Tony Finau	$8,000	T23	MC	T60	T21	T28
Sungjae Im	$7,900	T8	MC	T31	DNP	DNP
Will Zalatoris	$7,900	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Corey Conners	$7,800	T8	T43	DNP	T42	DNP
Jason Day	$7,800	MC	MC	T24	1st	DNP
Sam Burns	$7,700	MC	DNP	DNP	T55	DNP
Adam Scott	$7,700	T5	DNP	DNP	T76	T17
Shane Lowry	$7,600	MC	T65	DNP	T34	MC
C. Bezuidenhout	$7,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Akshay Bhatia	$7,500	T43	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Stephan Jaeger	$7,500	T27	DNP	MC	MC	DNP
Harris English	$7,400	T3	T43	T54	DNP	T17
Taylor Pendrith	$7,400	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Denny McCarthy	$7,300	T8	MC	DNP	MC	DNP
Sepp Straka	$7,300	DNP	T54	MC	DNP	DNP
Billy Horschel	$7,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Tom Hoge	$7,200	DNP	MC	T65	T76	T41
Chris Kirk	$7,100	T56	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Schenk	$7,100	MC	MC	T13	MC	DNP
J.T. Poston	$7,000	MC	T26	MC	DNP	DNP
Tom Kim	$7,000	T23	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Keegan Bradley	$6,900	T35	T18	MC	T76	DNP
Rickie Fowler	$6,900	T14	MC	T4	T21	T4
Andrew Putnam	$6,800	W/D	T43	DNP	T82	DNP
Kurt Kitayama	$6,800	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Hadwin	$6,700	MC	MC	T38	T16	T61
Lucas Glover	$6,700	MC	MC	T31	MC	8th
Taylor Moore	$6,700	T27	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Justin Rose	$6,600	DNP	DNP	3rd	DNP	3rd
Austin Eckroat	$6,600	T64	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Brendon Todd	$6,500	T8	DNP	T18	DNP	MC
Matthieu Pavon	$6,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Jake Knapp	$6,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Patrick Rodgers	$6,400	MC	T37	DNP	T34	MC
Cam Davis	$6,400	T59	T26	MC	DNP	DNP
Emiliano Grillo	$6,300	T23	T14	DNP	T9	T61
Webb Simpson	$6,300	T64	DNP	T18	T21	MC
Seamus Power	$6,200	T18	T54	T13	T27	DNP
Nick Taylor	$6,200	DNP	T26	T54	MC	MC
Matt Kuchar	$6,100	T23	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Gary Woodland	$6,100	T14	5th	W/D	MC	T24
Nick Dunlap	$6,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP

Email the Fantasy Golf Report here.

Fantasy Golf: CJ Cup Byron Nelson Preview

Four days and three nights in New Orleans left a bit of a mark that will be reflected in the scarcity of words used to preview this week's golf tournament. I will, however, have no scarcity of words about the weekend. 

Friday was one of those days that could only happen in the Big Easy. With some time to spare at Jazz Fest and, in search of some shade, we meandered into the Expedia Cultural Exchange Tent and discovered Los Cumbia Stars of whom I may now become a devoted follower if not a roadie. Just need someone to translate their website so I know where to find them. In all seriousness, they were somehow more fun than you would expect a nine piece Columbian band to be.

After watching The Revivalists and The Killers exceed all expectations and then checking into the Gospel Tent for a quick dose of salvation, we grabbed some dinner before diving into the vortex that is the French Quarter. Between the festival, the PGA Tour being in town and the Pelicans hosting a playoff game the following night, the joint was positively jumping. 

Having no logical starting point, we started at Boot Scootin Rodeo because we all know how much I love myself some country AND western music (eye roll emoji). Not to mention, Boot Scootin will always hold a special place in my heart as it's where I left my credit card around this time last year and, in what felt like a brief sign of hope for a dying civilization, they mailed it back to me. 

Speaking of dying civilizations, our next stop was a courtyard dance club where we got to see two stumbling young punks in matching University of Tennessee polos and hats collide with a guy trying to cut some rug with his lady. The guy and one of the kids went down in a heap at which point he quite justifiably unleashed a flurry of blows before security pulled him off. Not one to let a fellow dancing man stand falsely accused, I stepped-in, mounted an impromptu defense, got paid with a handshake and headed back out into the fray with a dangerous sense of pride and accomplishment.

We had a few more misadventures that included asking a stranger to get us one of the weird drinks he was ordering (which he did) before telling us he could hire us and we'd make $250K per month. Despite the obvious appeal of spending the rest of our lives in a state of terror a la Marty and Wendy Byrde, we turned it down. We then spent a few minutes living-out the Dexter Lake Club scene from Animal House at which point we decided it would be wise to call it a night.

You don't so much leave Bourbon Street as you gratefully escape it. We decided to walk a couple blocks off the main drag to find a good pickup spot and that's where we discovered a nice quiet saloon with a very friendly bartender. Never bothered to look at the sign on our way in which said "Rawhide Lounge" and not sure we would've gathered the implications of it anyway. It wasn't until the Uber was just about to arrive that we were like "wait a minute . . ." Not saying we won't be back. In fact, I'm pretty sure we will.   

TWEET OF THE WEEK

It's not gold Jerry . . . 

Imagine how embarrassing this take would be if the other creator of Seinfeld had made one of the funniest shows of all-time that had no worry about offending people and ended this literal month. https://t.co/FyCwZ5Eknj

— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) April 29, 2024

GOLF ANALYSIS

This tournament was always a crapshoot and then they went and moved it to a goofy TPC course in the middle of the planned community of Craig Ranch which I still think is a cult as described here three years ago. Since then, your winners have been Aaron Wise, Sung Kang, K.H. Lee (twice) and Jason Day. I am literally betting $5 this week because I have (a) no faith in these picks, and (b) no money left.

Si Woo Kim is 11 for 11 on cuts made this season and was runner-up to Day last year so he seems like a logical choice. I also have high hopes for Ben An, Stephan Jaeger and Seamus Power who finished T11, T14 and T19 respectively. Other than that, you're kind of on your own.     

One and Done Pick: Si Woo Kim

Don't you shush me!
I see you Si Woo.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Stephan Jaeger

Sleeper Pick: Matti Schmid

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Si Woo Kim	$9,800
Byeong Hun An	$9,300
Stephan Jaeger	$9,200
Adam Schenk	$8,500
K.H. Lee	$8,300
Mark Hubbard	$8,100
Seamus Power	$7,900
Sam Stevens	$7,500
Matti Schmid	$7,200
Ben Martin	$7,000

Email the Fantasy Golf Report here.