Wednesday, July 24, 2024

Fantasy Golf: The 3M Open Preview

Last week I was fortunate enough to get a somewhat random backstage tour of the United States Supreme Court which, as someone who still claims to be a lawyer, is a pretty cool thing. Especially when you attended a law school that currently sits just outside the top 50 and you wouldn't have been described by your classmates as being very "bookish."

The hallowed back halls of that building are generally reserved for the top five percent from the top five schools who become the Justices and their law clerks. And deservedly so because those dorks are wicked smart and they put in the time but it still doesn't make guys like me a little jealous that they get to decide which laws stand and which get subverted despite years of legal precedent to support them (ah but I digress).

As you may or may not be aware, there is a basketball court on the third floor known as "The Highest Court in the Land" (and whoever first coined that one deserves an attaboy). Now I love golf but my passion has and always will be basketball. It makes sense when you think about it because what other sport would a 5'9" kid with very limited hops and a knack for choosing the hardest path though life choose as his favorite? 

Before I ever thought about making the lifelong mistake of picking-up a golf club, I was spending hours on whatever court I could find just shooting and shooting . . . and shooting. It was a hell of a lot more rewarding and instantly gratifying than sitting around my dysfunctional house doing homework or going out and getting rejected by the ladies. 

Back to the tour. Inevitably it took us to the basketball court and my sense of anticipation was off the charts. As soon as we entered, I locked eyes with a rack of balls in the corner and, as our guide was giving her spiel, my mind was spinning and landed on "if you don't get a shot off in here, you will hate yourself forever." So I grabbed a ball and asked if it was cool as I was dribbling onto the court figuring she would be less likely crush my dream if it was already in progress. She gave me the greenlight and, to be honest, I think she could sense what it meant to me.

I'm a 3 point shooter by trade because short guys learn early that you need to get as far away from the shot blockers as possible. But there's no 3-point line on that court . . . probably because the ceiling is barely above the backboard so I settled for a free throw which isn't my specialty but it was that day because I flat stroked it. I mean as pure a center cut swish as you can imagine.

After it went in, I clapped my hands once and said "I'm out!" I know it's ridiculous but as I walked off, I thought that's one for all the ballers who went to Seton Hall or Marquette or any of the other great schools that will never get you onto that court as a bunch of Ivy League nerds clang bricks while playing interminable games of H.O.R.S.E. It's always a great day in America when you literally score one for the little guy.

TWEET OF THE WEEK

At one point in time, I had "Back Where it all Begins" by the Allman Brothers as my ringtone which only served to start making me hate one of my favorite songs. Now I only turn my ringer on is if you tell me you're calling at a specific time. And then you maybe get a three minute window. Tops.  


GOLF ANALYSIS

I spent hours analyzing those dogshit British Open picks Bud Fox style only to talk myself out of Jon Rahm (T7) and into Cameron Young (T31). From a one pick standpoint, this week is very straightforward if you have Tony Finau available. Pick him. If not, I'd go with Cam Davis, J.T. Poston or some random player on a roll like Marc Meissner . . . in that order. 

I'm somewhat tempted by Emiliano Grillo's track record and Ben Griffin's potential but I'm not a big fan of guys coming back from playing two weeks in Scotland. Maybe I'm just projecting how I would feel after a trip like that but it is what it is.

One and Done Pick: Cam Davis
Just realized that I'm going 
back-to-back on Cams. Well,
too late to change it now.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Tony Finau

Sleeper Pick: Ben Kohles

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Tony Finau

$10,500

Akshay Bhatia

$9,800

J.T. Poston

$9,200

Cam Davis

$8,900

Emiliano Grillo

$8,500

Lee Hodges

$8,200

Ben Griffin

$7,900

Marc Meissner

$7,600

Ben Silverman

$7,200

Ben Kohles

$6,800


I was never really a big Bob Newhart fan but the man was unquestionably funny as shit and had one of the great all-time takes on country music which I won't post here as part of my current effort to achieve unity during these troubled and tumultuous times.

                                       THE BOB NEWHART MEMORIAL
                                   HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

I suppose Adam Hadwin is also worth a look. And apparently this is one of the three or four courses where Aaron Baddeley makes money to somehow prolong his utterly mysterious career.

 

DK Price

2023

2022

2021

2020

2019

Tony Finau

$10,500

T7

1st

T28

T3

T23

Sahith Theegala

$10,300

MC

MC

DNP

MC

DNP

Sam Burns

$10,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

T32

T7

Akshay Bhatia

$9,800

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Billy Horschel

$9,600

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Keith Mitchell

$9,400

T5

DNP

5th

MC

T66

Luke Clanton

$9,300

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

J.T. Poston

$9,200

T2

T11

T28

DNP

DNP

Keegan Bradley

$9,000

DNP

DNP

T39

DNP

T46

Cam Davis

$8,900

T10

T16

T28

T12

MC

Tom Hoge

$8,800

T20

T4

MC

T46

T23

Taylor Pendrith

$8,700

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Erik Van Rooyen

$8,600

MC

DNP

T58

MC

DNP

Emiliano Grillo

$8,500

T10

T2

MC

T3

DNP

Nick Dunlap

$8,400

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Maverick McNealy

$8,300

DNP

T49

T16

DNP

DNP

Lee Hodges

$8,200

1st

T16

DNP

DNP

DNP

Patrick Rodgers

$8,100

T37

DNP

T39

T32

DNP

Adam Hadwin

$7,900

MC

T38

T6

DNP

4th

Ben Griffin

$7,900

T20

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Kurt Kitayama

$7,900

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Sam Stevens

$7,800

T10

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Mackenzie Hughes

$7,700

T30

DNP

DNP

DNP

T66

Michael Thorbjornsen

$7,700

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Harry Hall

$7,600

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Mac Meissner

$7,600

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

Beau Hossler

$7,500

T13

MC

T49

MC

T34

Jhonatten Vegas

$7,500

DNP

DNP

T2

MC

DNP

Matt Wallace

$7,500

T43

T26

DNP

DNP

DNP

Adam Svensson

$7,400

T37

MC

DNP

DNP

T15

Doug Ghim

$7,300

T27

T16

MC

T18

DNP

J.J. Spaun

$7,200

T37

DNP

MC

MC

T66

Austin Eckroat

$7,200

MC

DNP

T16

DNP

DNP

Dylan Wu

$7,100

T5

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Lucas Glover

$7,100

MC

MC

DNP

MC

T7

Andrew Putnam

$7,000

DNP

T11

MC

MC

DNP

Daniel Berger

$7,000

DNP

DNP

DNP

DNP

T15

Gary Woodland

$7,000

MC

DNP

T11

DNP

DNP

Martin Laird

$6,900

T2

MC

DNP

DNP

T42

Joel Dahmen

$6,800

MC

DNP

T67

DNP

DNP

Kevin Streelman

$6,800

T2

DNP

DNP

DNP

T34

K.H. Lee

$6,700

MC

DNP

T6

66th

MC

Aaron Baddeley

$6,600

T7

T49

T51

T23

DNP

Garrick Higgo

$6,600

T13

MC

DNP

DNP

DNP

Matt Kuchar

$6,500

T43

DNP

MC

DNP

DNP

Robby Shelton

$6,500

MC

DNP

MC

T3

DNP


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