Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Fantasy Golf: The Northern Trust Preview

I received a lot of positive feedback about my recent descriptions of flying in an airplane for the first time in a year and a half. The validation is always much appreciated and I am glad you all enjoyed it because I AM NEVER FLYING ON A FUCKING PLANE AGAIN! Seriously (not really). I think I'm still suffering PTSD as evidenced by my recurring dream that the exposed belly of the guy in the window seat keeps talking to me and reminding me that "they don't serve alcohol on this flight" before laughing maniacally and watching seventeen Instagram videos with the volume on. 

Besides, I have a new inspiration this week as I'm currently writing at 5:00 a.m. after having to rise early to drink something called "contrast" before I go get a CT scan to determine if I need to get my appendix removed. This all comes as a result of something my doctor noticed during a routine colonoscopy when I guess he got bored and decided to go spelunking through the rest of my organs. I guess he missed the "S.O.S." my liver had spelled-out with undigested peanuts. 

(Real Time Update: In addition to drinking the contrast, I then had dye injected into my body through an IV so now my innards probably look like a composite of every piece of shitty "art" that hung on my fridge from 2004 through 2013). 


This tweet is actually a brilliant idea from a COVID management standpoint and doesn't even factor-in all of the extra space patients will have in their rooms to do activities


For the second week in a row my pick finished one shot out of a playoff so I guess that's something. I can build on this. Or I just peaked within reach of the summit and now there's nothing to do but fall off the mountain. I guess we're about to find out.

I don't know about the rest of you but I'm down to just one top twenty ranked player and I'm not using him here. Fortunately, we have some other viable options starting with Adam Scott who won here in 2013, finished T5 in 2019 and also beat Brooks Koepka head-to-head in their 2017 President's Cup match (also played on this course but I think that was implied). And he would've won last week if he had just walked-up and knocked the winning putt in the hole on the line that Si Woo Kim just showed him instead of doing that stupid one-eyed straddle technique that makes him look like he's trying to decide whether to buy a donkey.

Cameron Smith is another solid option. Patrick Reed won here in 2019 and Smith is kind of the cooler more likeable version of him - great short game and consistently solid putter. I hope he takes that as the compliment that it's meant to be despite the initial urge to gag. 

If you have some favorites available and one of them is named Jon Rahm, pick him and don't think twice. And I've abandoned the "Talor Gooch is going to win this year" ship for the "Scottie Scheffler is going to win this year" ship so that's my second tier pick. And hey, don't ever say I'm afraid to make the gutsy move. 

Jason Kokrak, Shane Lowry and Cameron Tringale all feel like solid options to balance-out a roll of the dice on Phil Mickelson based somewhat on the fact that he and Joel Dahmen took down Harry Higgs and Keith Mitchell in a practice round Nassau yesterday. I leave no stone unturned when searching for ways to rationalize ill-fated picks.

The sleepers are Roger Sloan and Matthew Wallace both of whom sound more likely to show-up at a James Bond audition than win a golf tournament in New Jersey. Sloan is coming off a stretch of T16-6th-T2 and Wallace recently finished T7th at the Cazoo* Open just seven shots behind the winner Nacho Elvira (the only part of that sentence I made-up was that Wallace actually finished T8th).   

One and Done Pick: Adam Scott
Hey we stumbled into a theme
this week. Do you see it?

Other Guy I'd Pick: Cameron Smith

Sleeper Pick: Matthew Wallace 

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Jon Rahm


Scottie Scheffler


Cameron Smith


Adam Scott


Jason Kokrak


Shane Lowry


Phil Mickelson


Cameron Tringale


Roger Sloan


Matt Wallace


                            THE GEOPOLITICAL EXPERT FRIENDS YOU 
                              DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD ON FACEBOOK
                                HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART 

There isn't actually a historical performance chart because they've only played this course twice in the last 8 years (not including the President's Cup). But I really liked the topical name I came up with and didn't want to waste it. You're welcome.


* Cazoo is Britain's online used car company that delivers right to your door. Apparently someone raised their hand in a meeting over there and asked, "hey what if we recreated Carvana?" And then someone else added, "that will only work in England if we make the name twice as stupid."   

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