Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Fantasy Golf: The Safeway Open Preview

So I broke a 46 hole birdie-less streak on Monday which is kind of a big deal when you're out there posing and preening as a douchy mid single digit handicap. The culprit was and probably still is easy enough to identify. It's my fucking putter which now feels as comfortable in my hands as a temperamental toddler crocodile. When I finally did make a birdie, it came after almost acing a par 3 as witnessed by one of the assistant pros who said "it almost went in Mr. Elliott" to which I replied "want to watch me miss the fucking putt?" He apparently did not as he quietly moved along to a less volatile situation anywhere else on the property.

The irreconcilable differences between me and my putter began a couple weeks ago before a 34 putt debacle in what will be remembered as the gag match of 2020. And that round miraculously included a couple of birdie putts that somehow went in so you can only imagine the misadventures on the other sixteen greens. But I'm over it. Really. Haven't thought about it in like thirty seconds. No wait, just winced again.  


This is pretty much how I expect to feel waking-up every day for the rest of 2020 knowing that the pools are closing, the virus is regrouping and winter is most definitely coming mutherfuckers.  


For more in-depth analysis this week or for any depth at all, this is one of the rare occasions where I would encourage you to read the Power Rankings. The writing is typically bland and uninspired but the information is solid. Then again, it's hard not to exceed the low expectations of forecasting a tournament with no buzz. But I'll give it a shot anyway.  

I have a feeling that Phil Mickelson is going to sling it around pretty good on a course he likes and you are almost obligated to pick Brendan Steele here based on his wins in 2017 and 2018. I also like Joel Dahmen. Mainly because I like Joel Dahmen so proceed cautiously with that reasoning which almost forces me to pick Pat Perez every week. 

The rest of the picks are kind of the usual collection of random hopefuls except for Wesley Bryan who would appear to have some serious upside as the guy who missed about two years with a shoulder injury and has now finished 24th, 21st and 31st in his last three starts. Beware the guy who has recently rediscovered his love for the game. Hopefully that will be me one day after my putter is resting peacefully on the bottom of a fucking lake. 

This is the actual Safeway in my neighborhood.
You know the one that apparently no longer sells 

those little dishwasher wand sponges. WTF?!?!?
One and Done Pick: Joel Dahmen

Other Guy I'd Pick: Tyler Duncan

Sleeper Pick: Wesley Bryan

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Phil Mickelson
Brendan Steele
Joel Dahmen
Tyler Duncan
Mark Hubbard
Patrick Rodgers
Talor Gooch
Scott Piercy
Wesley Bryan
Martin Laird

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