The John Deere Preview

Let's face it. You're either picking Steve Stricker this week or you screwed-up like I did and jumped the gun on him earlier in the season so now you have to roll the dice on one of these other guys. Jonathan Byrd is usually good for one random win per year and he doesn't have one yet so he would be my next pick followed by the roaming gnome who is healthy for the first time in years. Beyond that, I think you're throwing darts. Zach Johnson is probably the best player in the field but with the success he's already had this year, his mind is going to be on winning the British Open.

I couldn't even find a good PGA WAG
to feature this week so we're going
with the LPGA's Anna Rawson.

The John Deere Top 5

1. Steve Stricker
2. Jonathan Byrd
3. Tim Clark
4. Zach Johnson
5. Scott Piercy

Last Week's Report Card: B

1. Webb Simpson - T7
2. Brendon DeJonge - T52
3. John Rollins - M/C
4. Steve Stricker - T22
5. Rickey Barnes - T38

I was looking pretty strong last week when Simpson made the turn but, as has happened so many times this year, my pick could not close. In Simpson's case, I've got to believe that he started thinking about the implications of adding another win so close to his U.S. Open title. It would have pushed him close to the top of the World Golf Rankings (he's currently 5th) and put him right in the middle of the discussion of best American golfer. He looked a little spooked on the back nine.

It was either that or it finally dawned on him that he was probably going to miss the British Open because he and his wife are having their second baby in less than two years and that is NOT the thought you want right before you hit a golf ball. Jason Day is facing the same predicament. These guys apparently need to start attending the birth control classes the NBA and NFL offer for their rookies and learn how to subtract nine months from the five month window that covers the Masters to the PGA Championship. It's simple. August through January is a "Trojan zone" and, in a Ryder Cup year, you need to stretch that through March. Tiger learned this the hard way when the thought of having his first baby the day after the 2007 U.S. Open had to contribute to his losing the tournament by a stroke.* I don't care if it was the U.S. Open. You know as Tiger was walking out the door that Sunday, Elin said, "I can't believe you're playing golf today."

Endnotes

* Rumor has it that he wanted to name the baby "Second F-cking Place Woods".

The Greenbrier Preview

I've got about five more interesting FGRs in the pipeline* but between the upcoming holiday and the fact that no one in the Mid-Atlantic can turn on a home computer or has any expendable battery power on their iPhone, I don't think anyone is reading this anyway so why waste them. That makes this a good week to take care of some housekeeping with a brief follow-up on Tiger's win at Congressional, a look ahead to the Greenbrier and an overdo update of the FGR World Rankings so turn your head and cough because, with the exception of that first endnote, it's about to get very golfy.

The AT&T Update

That was a nice win for Tiger but let's keep it in perspective by remembering the following:

(1) He has one top 10 in the last eight majors (the 2011 Masters);

"Way to make it convincing
Bo. I'll have the $2M wired
to your account."

(2) He out-dueled Bo Van Pelt who is one of the most talented players on tour but is not a closer as evidenced by his lone victory at the 2009 U.S. Bank Championship and the fact that he had 217 yards left for his second shot on the par-5 16th hole with one hand on the trophy and then chopped his way to a bogey, bogey, bogey finish. (Right on cue as it followed Gary McCord's recitation of his impressive stats and question to Nick Faldo, "why doesn't this guy win more?" to which Faldo responded something about handling the final round nerves. I like bashing announcers but that was A+ work by those guys);

(3) The big pressure shot for Tiger on Sunday was the driver on 16 when he was still tied for the lead and he blew it left leading to a bogey. If Van Pelt had hit his second shot on the green and then two-putted for a birdie like he should have, Tiger would have been down by two with two holes to play and we probably have a different ending.

The good news for Tiger is that it's been a while since he went toe-to-toe with a decent player on Sunday and watched the guy hand him the tournament like everyone used to which has to be a confidence builder. He also played three rounds in the 60's on Friday, Saturday and Sunday so signs point to continued progress. Let's just not get ahead of ourselves until we see him do something at a major on Sunday other than make an insignificant birdie putt ten holes in front of the leaders followed by one of his crowd pleasing "can you believe that's the first birdie I've made in 20 holes" reaction shots like he hasn't been in the same position at every major for the past two years.      

The Greenbrier Preview

We get one more decent field this week before everyone skips the John Deere Classic to get ready for the British Open (that's everyone except for Steve Stricker who seems more interested in racking-up a bevy of John Deere Classic titles than winning a major). With these rankings, I'm still operating under the assumption that you've used guys like Tiger and Phil already or if not, you're planning to use them elsewhere.

Suzanne Stonebarger (right) and her partner,
Michelle Moore, thankfully take promoting
their volleyball careers very seriously. 

1. Webb Simpson
2. Brendon DeJonge
3. John Rollins
4. Steve Stricker
5. Rickey Barnes 

I don't think you could be any looser than Webb Simpson will be but at the same time he is the kind of guy who wants to build on his first major as opposed to the kind of guy who wants to spend the next two months driving around the country in a red '69 Dodge Charger with a confederate flag on the roof showing-off his green jacket.

I'm going with DeJonge and Rollins based on current performance and the Jonger's past success at this event. You can almost bank on a top 10 for Stricker because this is the kind of 3rd tier event where he shines. (I hate taking shots at Stricker but, in the words of the Bill Parcells, "you are what your record says you are"). Rickey Barnes will be lucky to make the cut but I needed an excuse to include a picture of his girlfriend.

The FGR World Rankings

My almost forgetting to update the FGR Rankings after the U.S. Open probably had something to do with Rory McIlroy's recent slump which has completely undermined the formula that was rigged to put him at the top. However, the fact remains that Rory has still been the best player over the past two years with more top ten finishes (10) in the nine tournaments I use to determine these rankings** than any other player. (Luke Donald has 9 and Lee Westwood has 8 but neither have won a major or a WGC event for that matter). Here are the current standings alongside the "official" World Golf Rankings:

FGR Rankings              World Golf Ranking

McIlroy	123	Donald	9.96
Westwood	89	McIlroy	8.89
Watson, B.	86	Westwood	8.33
Kaymer	86	Woods, T.	6.70
Donald	82	Simpson, W.	6.62
Oosti	74	Watson, B.	6.25
Scott, A.	69	Kuchar	5.90
Schwartzel	64	Dufner	5.75
Kuchar	58	Rose	5.61
Mahan	57	Mahan	5.41
Day, J.	54	McDowell	5.16
Hanson, P.	53	Stricker	5.03
Dufner, J.	52	Johnson, D.	4.89
Bradley, K.	50	Mickelson	4.86
Johnson, D.	47	Kaymer	4.84
Toms	42	Scott, A.	4.68
Watney	41	Schwartzel	4.60
Mickelson	38	Johnson, Z.	4.58
Rose	38	Fowler	4.49
Fowler	37	Oosti	4.49

The biggest movers after the U.S. Open were David Toms who went from No. 28 to No. 16 and Jason Dufner who jumps from No. 21 to No. 13. Ironically, we lost the 2010 and 2008 U.S. Open champions in the process as the points for Graeme McDowell's win and Tiger's 4th place finish at Pebble Beach dropped out of the formula. You may also notice that Webb Simpson does not make the FGR Top 20 despite his win at Olympic as he is a victim of the "Darren Clarke Rule" which states that you have to finish in the top 10 of at least two of the qualifying tournaments over the past two years to be considered. Believe it or not, but that U.S. Open win is the only top 10 Simpson has ever had in a major, WGC event or the Players. Remember that the FGR rankings are designed to identify the players who get it done on the biggest stages against the best in the world. 

Actually, Webb Simpson's win will probably result in the adding of the FedEx Cup events to the equation as he is clearly one of the best 20 players in the world right now. I'm stubborn but I'm not stupid. (Don't say it).  Even if I just give a point for a win in a FedEx event, it would qualify Simpson for the rankings and put him in 14th place which would be about right for a guy who has never had another top 10 in a major. The problem with adding the FedEx events is that it means I'm probably going to have to add a few corresponding European events and that's a slippery slope that could lead me right back to something like the "official" World Golf Rankings. I'm going to ruminate on this today when I'm walking 18 holes in 100 degree heat (a Gold Bonds situation if there ever was one). Hopefully the answer will come to me in the form of a hallucinogenic visit from Mac O'Grady.***

I can see  it. I CAN SEE IT!!!

Endnotes

* The current FGR backlog would look like all of the projects in my garage if I had a garage and, more importantly, if I had any projects. Now that I have achieved a station in my life where I have effectively removed the phrase, "going to the office on the weekend" from the equation, I think the two most lifeblood draining things I could have on my agenda are "home projects" and "moving furniture." I even have a hard time watching Home Depot commercials. I'm convinced that those smiling people in the paint department are either high as a couple of stunt kites or have been recently lobotomized.  

** The nine tournaments are the four majors, the four WGC events and the Players. For a complete explanation of the rankings (along with one of the hottest pictures ever posted on the FGR - and I don't mean the one of Cameron Diaz) check-out the FGR World Golf Rankings.

*** Mac O'Grady is a player and instructor who believes that the game should still be played with blades and persimmon and, to prove his point, he finished 5th in the 2010 Australian Senior Open using vintage clubs. But my favorite O'Grady fact is that he was good enough to be a touring pro playing right handed and was a scratch playing left-handed so he applied for amateur status as a lefty. When that was denied, he tried to enter a two-man tournament called the Chrysler Team Championship by himself playing one ball right handed and one left handed. Deane Beman, who was to the PGA Tour what Bruno Kirby's character was to the radio station in Good Morning Vietnam, didn't let him do it. (I miss Bruno, one of the most underrated comedic straight men ever - Bruno Kirby). 

Happy 4th of July. Now let's go blow some shit up.

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The AT&T Preview

"They gave me a two man scramble
tournament in mid-November.
That means they like me. Right?

The Tour returns to the FGR's backyard for Tiger's AT&T National at Congressional this week. Golf fans will remember that the AT&T National came into being with much fanfare in 2007 merging the superstardom of Tiger, the corporate might of AT&T and the mission of recognizing members of the military by playing it in the vicinity of the Pentagon around the 4th of July. What the event really signified was that Tiger had reached that echelon of golf where he got a tournament to call his own a la Bay Hill for Arnie, The Memorial for Jack and the Shark Shootout for Greg Norman.*

So you had a tournament hosted by one of the most popular athletes in the world that was (a) backed by an A-List sponsor and (b) devoted to honoring the one cause that has 100% bipartisan support in this country. What could go wrong? Well apparently Tiger decided to start reading himself some Oscar Wilde and came across the line, "the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it"** and the AT&T's run of purity came to a crashing halt in November of 2009 for reasons with which we are all too familiar. Then it hit another bump when it had to move to Aronimink for the last two years because Congressional was hosting the 2011 U.S. Open. (Aronimink is a fantastic golf course but it's never hosted a major so it does not have quite the cache as Congressional).

Now we're back to Washington, Tiger has regained some of his buzz and we've got a solid B+ field. I'm going with a redemption pick this week and hoping that Jim Furyk has had enough time to rid himself of the demons from Olympic. I'm also hoping they don't move one of the tee boxes up a 100 yards on Sunday which would make the hole easier for most guys but somehow causes Furyk to hit wicked pull hooks with the tournament on the line.

Temptation . . . thy name is Uchitel.

The AT&T Top 5

1. Jim Furyk
2. Martin Laird
3. Dustin Johnson
4. Bo Van Pelt
5. Davis Love, III

Last Week's Report Card: B+

1. Ryan Moore - T47th
2. John Rollins - T5th
3. Brian Davis - T5th
4. Bubba Watson - T2nd
5. Andres Romero - W/D

That would have been a banner week if (a) Ryan Moore didn't play like Ryan Moope***, (b) Brian Davis or John Rollins could close and (c) Andres Romero had actually shown-up. We probably should've expected a final round gag fest considering the back nine leaderboard was jammed with guys like Charlie Hoffman, Tim Clark and Davis who rarely finish the job on Sunday. Let's rank their meltdowns:

3rd Place: Brian Davis (who I had recently taken a financial interest in) was 3 shots back standing in the middle of the par-5 13th fairway and he was clearly struggling with his club selection, shot type or both which was understandable because he had about a 230 yard carry over water guarding the front left of the green. After about five minutes of confidence draining analysis, his caddie inexplicably handed him a fairway wood instead of dropping a 9-iron on the ground and then running away with the rest of his clubs. As soon as he made contact Davis' shoulders slumped and I thought, "ok he blew it right - away from the water . . . up and down for a birdie." But no. He pull hooked it into the water about 25 yards short of the green. It was Jim Furyk's 3-wood on the 16th hole at Olympic without the U.S. Open pressure. It was also one of the worst shots I've seen a pro hit this year and it only made 3rd place on this list.

"Back of the cup baby!!!"

2nd Place: Tim Clark was one shot back and had a two footer for par on the 17th hole. He pulled it and, just to make sure it wouldn't trickle in the left edge, he hit it with what D-Day would call "ramming speed." I assume he left his ten foot birdie putt on 18 short to make himself feel better because it would have gotten him into a playoff if not for the missed two footer on the previous hole. At least that's what I would have done.

Winner: Charlie Hoffman stood on the 17th tee with a two shot lead and water on the right. Apparently CBS was busy pimping How I Big Banged Your Mother because we didn't actually see Hoffman hit his tee shot straight into the water but at least they made up for it by keeping the camera on him almost the entire ten minutes he spent trying to figure out where to drop. (Nothing like a guy with a blond mullet wandering around with a golf ball in his hand to keep the audience riveted). That led to a double bogey and a tie for the lead. He then blew his drive on 18 to the right, hit his second shot into the bunker, blasted out and then left his putt to make it into a playoff short ultimately handing the title to Marc Leishman who was sitting in the clubhouse trying to figure out ways not to pump his fist every time one of these guys stepped out of his way.

Endnotes

* That's an inside golf joke even by FGR standards as the Shark Shootout is not a real tour event but more like an event that you'd play at your local course where you draw partners out of a hat and play for shop credit. Imagine Greg Norman making his case to the tour for a tournament of his own like Eddie Murphy making his case in 48 Hours for why he deserved a nice meal in a nice place. If you'll recall, that scene ended with Nick Nolte handing him a candy bar from a vending machine and saying, "there's your goddamned dinner." (If you're having trouble keeping-up, the Shark Shootout is the candy bar).

** Wilde also gave us, "I can resist everything except temptation." That's why the guys in his car club called him "The Cruiser."**** 

*** "Oh noooo . . . I'm so sorry it's the Moops, the correct answer is the Moops."

"You know, consistency is the
last refuge of the unimaginative." 

**** Here's a bonus Wilde quote while I'm already showing-off my ability to find stuff on the internet that makes me appear well read . . . "Do you really think ... that it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations that it requires strength, strength and courage, to yield to. To stake all one's life on a single moment, to risk everything on one throw, whether the stake be power or pleasure, I care not -- there is no weakness in that." Amen brother.

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The NBA Finals Mea Culpa

"Nobody puts Shane Battier
in a corner." (Sorry but that
joke never gets old for me).

Like the late great Jerry Orbach, "when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong" and when it came to the Thunder- Heat series, I was LOUD wrong.* At least I wasn't alone lunging for the back of the Thunder bandwagon after they took LeBron and Co. to the woodshed in the second half of Game 1. All of the signs pointed to another LeBron laydown leading to the start of a Thunder dynasy with a win in five or maybe six games. In addition to the evidence we had from Game 1, we also had the fact that the Heat had just struggled to get past a decrepit Boston Celtics team and an Indiana Pacers team that would have finished 13th in the Western Conference. Meanwhile, the Thunder had just rolled through the Mavericks, Lakers and Spurs like they were Chuck Norris dispensing with the first wave of bumbling Ninjas before his real nemesis stepped out of the shadows wearing a cooler Ninja suit.

Let's break down the deciding factors (in no particular order except the last one) and see if we can figure-out how the Thunder lost the initiative and never got it back:

"What can I say brother . . . it's
just not as cool when you're
making 20% of your shots."

1. James Harden: He had 5 points in Game 1 on 2 of 6 shooting but no one really noticed because Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook went off and the role players did enough to get the win. Harden then threw us off the scent with a 21 point Game 2. After that, it was as if he looked in the mirror and had the epiphany, "why didn't someone tell me this beard started looking ridiculous three months ago?" because he was an anchor in Game 3 (2 of 10 for 9 points) and Game 4 (2 of 10 for 8 points). His Game 5 stats were better (3 of 8 for 19 points) but most of those were after the game got out of hand towards the end of the 3rd quarter and the Heat knew that all they had to do was put two guys each on Durant and Westbrook with their fifth guy under the basket and they were home free. Harden's garbage time three pointers only served to make his overall performance look worse which I didn't think was possible.

2. The Refs: That had to be a 2001 ACC officiating crew who took one look at Shane Battier and then nodded at each other knowingly. (I'm pretty sure they were given special contact lenses to make the Heat's uniforms look blue but I can't prove that). In Game 4, Russell Westbrook took 32 shots (more on that in a minute) and at least half of them were on kamikaze drives down the lane. If that had been Dwayne Wade, he would have gotten at least twelve trips to the free throw line. Westbrook shot three. I'm not saying the refs decided the series, I'm just sayin'.

"Who told you to pass the ball
Russell? More dribbling dammit!"

3. Scotty Brooks: It kills me to knock a 5' 11", 165 lb. white guy who was able to grind-out ten seasons as a player in the NBA with six different teams and even pick-up a ring with the '94 Rockets but let's face it, Scotty was Rich Kotite to Erik Spoelstra's Bill Walsh in that series.*** It's never a good thing as a coach when the move you are most praised for is the concession speech you made to your team before the last game was over.

4. Russell Westbrook: He went back to being the guy no one wants on his team in a pick-up game. The play at the end of the first half said it all as he pounded the ball into the floor for 15 seconds as the NBA's leading scorer stood 20 feet away begging for it until Westbrook decided to dribble through three guys and then plead for a foul that did not occur. I don't understand why a bigger point has not been made of the fact that, after Eric Maynor blew-out his knee in January, the Thunder were left without a true point guard which is ok if, like the Heat, you have the modern version of Magic Johnson with Rob Gronkowski's body. The Thunder don't have that. What they do have is three pure scorers and a bunch of hustle players which is a great nucleus if you have someone to dribble the ball down the court and tell them all where to go. If only there was a guy who fit that description available in free agency this year.****

5. Heat Role Players: So while James Harden was shooting with both hands around his neck and every other member of the Thunder decided to take a scoring sabbatical during the Finals, Shane Battier had 17 points each in Games 1 and 2, Mario Chalmers had 25 points in Game 4 and Mike Miller's corpse had 23 points in Game 5. Do you know what those first two guys have in common? They both came up huge in the National Championship Game and Chalmers hit one of the most clutch shots in college basketball history (Chalmers Shot). You'd think NBA teams would rank those attributes up there with wingspan and upside more often when drafting and signing free agents. You'd think.    

Somehow no one 
noticed that she 
couldn't act . . . at all.

6. LeBron: Sticking with the martial arts theme, back in 1985 one of the best/worst movies of that genre called the The Last Dragon was released. I'll let Wikipedia handle the plot description with a few FGR parantheticals: "Set in New York City (Cleveland), the plot follows a teenage martial arts student named Leroy Green a/k/a Bruce Leroy with dreams of becoming a great martial artist like his idol Bruce Lee (Michael Jordan). Leroy goes on a quest to achieve the highest level of martial arts accomplishment, known as "The Final Level". Martial artists who reach this "Final Level" are said to possess "The Glow", a mystical energy that can only be attained by a true martial arts master. When a fighter's hands glow, he is one of the best in the world and when his entire body glows, he is the greatest fighter alive. On his journey to becoming the "Last Dragon" and wielding the power of "The Glow," Leroy must confront villains such as a crooked arcade mogul Eddie Arkadian (Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert) and the evil Sho'nuff, the "Shogun of Harlem" (Kevin Garnett), from whom he must also protect his love interest, TV music video host Laura Charles (played by 80's super hottie Vanity).

"If you send that many,
don't forget one thing...a
good supply of body bags."

Sound like anyone else we know? I know the final hurdle was the Thunder but what we didn't fully realize at the start of that series was that at some point before Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Celtics, LeBron discovered "The Glow." The parallels in this climactic scene are really incredible right down to the Sho'nuff/Garnett resemblence and the creepy Eddie Arkadian/Dan Gilbert character standing off to the side rooting for Leroy/LeBron's demise - (The Last Dragon). The scary part is that now that LeBron has discovered "The Glow", it doesn't matter who he plays with as he just proved in the Finals. All he needs is another decent scorer, a few 3-point shooters, one tall guy and he can take care of the rest. He has the ability to guard, out-rebound and out-assist any player in the league. You can't guard him with less than two people and, if you'll indulge me one more 80's movie segue....

Endnotes

* Dirty Dancing is the rare chick-flick that's ok for guys to quote . . . right?

** I always wondered if real Ninjas watched Chuck Norris movies and debated whether they should swim across the Pacific Ocean and kick his ass for making them look bad.

*** I had to go football reference here because if I named a horrendous basketball coach instead of Rich Kotite, no one would have any idea who in the hell I was talking about.

**** How would you like to see a rematch of this year's Finals with the Thunder fielding this starting line-up: Steve Nash at the point with Westbrook at shooting guard, Durant at small forward, Nick Collison at power forward and Serge Ibaka at center. Steve Nash running fast breaks with Durant and Westbrook flying down the wings. I just got a chill.

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