Fantasy Golf: The WM Phoenix Open Preview

I'm sitting here watching what will probably be the penultimate season of the TGL and trying to figure-out what could save it besides getting rid of the pandering announcers, fixing the technology, recruiting some players with actual personalities and ditching the cringeworthy interviews with team "owners." (As I was typing that Tommy Fleetwood hit a shot that resulted in an "invalid reading" so he had to hit it again and, because Tiger's company makes the launch monitor, the announcers froze like HR just told them they want to discuss their internet browsing history). Since they probably won't do any of that, I think I have a couple ideas.

First, I would install a bar and staff it with a rotation of miked-up Long Island country club bartenders who are genetically predisposed not to give a fuck. All non-hitting players would hang-out at the bar and all interviews would be replaced with at least somewhat authentic ball-busting. Anything would be better than what they're doing now which is turning Marty Smith from one of the most likeable guys at ESPN into not that.

(Oh for fuck's sake now Marty is interviewing Theo Epstein who's talking about how the TGL will grow the game because his kids are watching it. In Theo's defense, other than his kids, no one with an opinion he cares about is watching).

Second, it's a television show so hire some funny people to make it entertaining and not Kevin Hart or Charles Fucking Barkley. Get Shane Gillis, Bill Burr and Daniel Tosh on there. Shit bring in Larry David and let each team pick a shot he has to hit for their opponents. Save it for a clutch situation in a close match and call it the "Larry" or "Curb Your Expectations." Hilarity would almost certainly ensue.   

  

And finally, put Bryson DeChambeau on a team. Yes. It's that bad. 

WORK EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK

It's been a mercifully slow stretch so we're going to pull this one from the 2024 archives.

Bob: We had an issue with a boom lift getting stuck in the mud.

Me: Is it still there?

Bob: No we got it out.

Me: I'm afraid to ask.

Bob: We used a forklift to pick it up and move it . . .

Me: Let me guess.

Bob: . . . then we dropped it.

Me: Literally everyone in the theater saw that coming.  

GOLF ANALYSIS

We've officially reached DEFCON Dumpster Fire. The odds of picking players in consecutive weeks who both withdrew and neither one of them being named Jason Day have to be 1 in 1.7 billion which is roughly the distance in miles to Uranus. To put this season in proper perspective, we picked a guy to win a tournament that had no cut and he managed to earn $0. It would've been hard to underperform Congressional Democrats last week but damn if we didn't find a way. 

I thought about trying to right the ship with a super deep dive into the analytics of this week's picks but then I remembered that time when this Wall Street tycoon I was trying to impress called me out for staying up all night analyzing a dogshit stock. And where has it gotten me? Nowhere. So we're going with the minimalist approach but will add that Blue Horseshoe loves Andrew Novak. 

Place	Player	Odds
Winner	Hideki Matsuyama	+1600
Top 5	Byeong Hun An	+700
Top 10	Si Woo Kim	+400
Top 10	Andrew Novak	+500
Top 20	Adam Schenk	+500

One and Done Pick: Hideki Matsuyama

Live look at an appropriately
nonplussed Hideki Matsuyama.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Scottie Scheffler

Sleeper Pick: Adam Schenk

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Scottie Scheffler	$12,000
Hideki Matsuyama	$10,200
Sahith Theegala	$9,500
Byeong Hun An	$9,100
Nick Taylor	$8,400
Si Woo Kim	$8,000
Billy Horschel	$7,600
Andrew Novak	$7,500
Charley Hoffman	$7,200
Adam Schenk	$6,600

Email the Fantasy Golf Report here.

I've officially reached the age of everything hurts when I play golf in the cold and we're losing the last living members of my favorite bands stage of life. Red wine seems to help so I may start drinking it at breakfast.  

                                 THE GARTH HUDSON MEMORIAL

                              HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART

This week's honorable mentions include Matt Fitzpatrick, Keith Mitchell and Ben Griffin. The Jordan Spieth results are intriguing but worth noting that he's only had one top ten since the last time he was here. 

	DK Price	2024	2023	2022	2021	2020
Scottie Scheffler	$12,000	T3	1st	1st	T7	MC
Justin Thomas	$10,500	T12	4th	T6	T13	T3
Hideki Matsuyama	$10,200	T22	T29	T6	T42	T16
Sam Burns	$10,000	T3	T6	MC	T22	MC
Sungjae Im	$9,800	T66	T6	DNP	T17	T34
Corey Conners	$9,700	T28	T50	T38	T17	T45
Tom Kim	$9,600	T17	T50	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sahith Theegala	$9,500	5th	T39	T3	DNP	DNP
Sepp Straka	$9,400	DNP	DNP	66th	MC	MC
Rasmus Hojgaard	$9,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Byeong Hun An	$9,100	T66	DNP	DNP	T53	T9
Robert Macintyre	$9,000	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Kurt Kitayama	$8,900	T8	T23	DNP	DNP	DNP
Maverick McNealy	$8,800	T6	W/D	DNP	DNP	DNP
Jordan Spieth	$8,700	T6	T6	T60	T4	MC
Max Greyserman	$8,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Wyndham Clark	$8,500	T41	T10	MC	T36	T34
Nick Taylor	$8,400	1st	2nd	MC	MC	T49
Luke Clanton	$8,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Akshay Bhatia	$8,200	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Cameron Young	$8,100	T8	64th	T26	DNP	DNP
J.T. Poston	$8,000	MC	MC	T23	T11	T37
Si Woo Kim	$8,000	T12	T23	T26	T50	MC
J.J. Spaun	$7,900	MC	MC	DNP	DNP	T47
Min Woo Lee	$7,900	T71	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Beau Hossler	$7,800	T41	T14	MC	MC	66th
Davis Thompson	$7,800	T15	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Harry Hall	$7,700	T41	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matt Fitzpatrick	$7,700	T15	T29	T10	DNP	DNP
Billy Horschel	$7,600	T41	T32	T6	T53	T9
Rickie Fowler	$7,600	MC	T10	MC	MC	T37
Samuel Stevens	$7,600	T28	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Andrew Novak	$7,500	T8	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Austin Eckroat	$7,500	MC	DNP	64th	DNP	DNP
Keith Mitchell	$7,500	T17	T42	T10	MC	T16
Daniel Berger	$7,400	T28	DNP	MC	MC	T9
Denny McCarthy	$7,400	T22	MC	MC	MC	T59
Lucas Glover	$7,400	DNP	T39	37th	DNP	DNP
Tom Hoge	$7,400	T17	MC	T14	MC	T25
Ben Griffin	$7,300	T28	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Brian Harman	$7,300	T60	T42	T14	T36	T49
Max Homa	$7,300	MC	T39	T14	T42	T6
Thomas Detry	$7,300	T28	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Charley Hoffman	$7,200	2nd	T14	67th	MC	T40
Doug Ghim	$7,200	T12	MC	T49	DNP	DNP
Mark Hubbard	$7,200	T53	MC	DNP	T30	T9
Seamus Power	$7,200	T66	T20	MC	DNP	DNP
Taylor Moore	$7,200	T39	T14	DNP	DNP	DNP
Chris Kirk	$7,100	DNP	MC	T14	MC	MC
Eric Cole	$7,100	T49	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Gary Woodland	$7,100	MC	T42	MC	MC	T40
Lee Hodges	$7,100	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matt Kuchar	$7,100	MC	T32	MC	T42	T16
M. Thorbjornsen	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Mac Meissner	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Mackenzie Hughes	$7,000	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP	MC
Matt Wallace	$7,000	T53	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP
Nick Dunlap	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Nicolai Hojgaard	$7,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Hadwin	$6,900	MC	T10	T26	T50	T40
Alex Smalley	$6,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC
Bud Cauley	$6,900	65th	DNP	DNP	DNP	T25
C. Bezuidenhout	$6,900	T28	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Patrick Rodgers	$6,900	DNP	T14	MC	MC	T16
Ryan Fox	$6,900	T41	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Erik Van Rooyan	$6,800	MC	T50	DNP	MC	DNP
Jake Knapp	$6,800	T28	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Nico Echavarria	$6,800	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Patrick Fishburn	$6,800	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Victor Perez	$6,800	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
C.T. Pan	$6,700	MC	DNP	MC	MC	DNP
Jacob Bridgeman	$6,700	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Schenk	$6,600	T17	T23	MC	MC	T55
K.H. Lee	$6,600	MC	T42	T38	T2	MC
Webb Simpson	$6,600	DNP	T57	DNP	T42	1st
Adam Svensson	$6,500	MC	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP
Carson Young	$6,500	T41	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Joe Highsmith	$6,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Lanto Griffin	$6,500	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	MC
Sam Ryder	$6,500	MC	T20	T23	57th	T55
Emiliano Grillo	$6,400	T22	MC	MC	T22	MC