Three days a week I drive about 40 miles each way to work, starting and finishing with the northwest side of the Baltimore beltway which I would describe as its armpit if it didn't have at least five of them making that anatomically incorrect. And as you may have heard on the news, a nasty combination of fate, greed and negligence took out the bridge that used to connect two of the southern armpits thereby diverting excess traffic directly into my path.
To counter this personal afront, I decided to start getting up and out the door before 6:00 a.m. so I was at least ahead of the private school moms who will absolutely cut you off at the knees to spend three less minutes with their kids. For a bald guy with OCD and ADHD who makes his smoothie and shaves the night before so he doesn't forget to do both in the morning, this means a 5:30 a.m. wakeup call still leaves plenty of time to forget and go back for at least two things. That worked for about a week.
And then a weird thing happened. Not unlike the tuna in Will Ferrell's epic table-turning wildlife match-up, my body and mind got a taste of predawn living and said "you know what, we like waking-up early . . . let's wake-up even earlier." So for the last month including today, on mornings that follow sober evenings, I involuntarily greet the day at around 4:30 a.m. (I know what you're thinking but I tried that for a while and all it got me was grape stained teeth and a vengeful liver).
When it first started happening, I just stared at the ceiling for like an hour not knowing what I was supposed to do. Then I would hear a car drive by which assured me that at least some forms of human life could survive and I would reluctantly throw my legs off the bed so that the rest of my body had to follow.
But now I've accepted, if not embraced, my new early riser persona. I'm kind of like a farmer in a quarter zip and it's got some perks besides just traffic avoidance. Like now I get to work earlier than the lady who always made it her mission to get there first and send a flurry of emails to prove her worth and annoy as many coworkers as possible before they got a whiff of coffee. I think I'm going to start emailing her to "let me know when you get here so I can run something by you." Maybe I'll blind copy the company and share the joy.
TWEET OF THE WEEK
Eventually this will become the Blue Sky post of the week where I am now operational @fantasygolf.bsky.social but for now we'll continue to sacrifice dignity and integrity for the sake of content which could really be the mission statement for the entire history of this website . . . "Periodically sacrificing dignity and integrity in the pursuit of content and approval."
Gotta hand it to Mike Tyson. At 58, it’s almost impossible to be up this late.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) November 16, 2024
GOLF ANALYSIS
In an effort to keep-up with generational shifts that continue to put more distance between me and the people who may actually be interested in this crap, it's probably time to diminish the role of the "one and done" pick (if not abandon it altogether) and focus more on straight-up gambling.
Just for the record, I don't think gambling is healthy but as long as everyone keeps doing it in moderation, I don't foresee any major issues. Below are the plays I like and, because I seem to derive more pleasure from losing money in creative ways than I do from winning it shrewdly, here are a couple can't miss parlays:
Davis Thompson (Top 5) + Joe Highsmith (Top 10): +3400
Jacob Bridgeman (Top 10) + Robby Shelton (Top 20): +5000
Forgive the graphics. I was an economics major before switching to math and then settling on English, none of which prepared me for this part of the job.
DraftKings Top Ten Values
 |
| Original art from my descent into BWI last week. Quite the kick in the nuts for a city that has had more than its share. |
|
Davis
Thompson |
$10,400 |
|
Ben
Griffin |
$9,300 |
|
Seamus
Power |
$9,200 |
|
Mackenzie
Hughes |
$8,800 |
|
Chris
Kirk |
$8,300 |
|
Doug
Ghim |
$8,000 |
|
Jacob
Bridgeman |
$7,600 |
|
Joe
Highsmith |
$7,400 |
|
Ben
Kohles |
$7,000 |
|
Robby
Shelton |
$6,500 |
Email the Fantasy Golf Report here.
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