Saturday, December 11, 2021

The FGR's Week 14 NFL Picks

I went 2-3 last week so this is when I remind you that getting football betting advice from a website called the Fantasy Golf Report is like buying donuts from a butcher. Sure he may have a hidden talent for making a Boston Cream, but you're way more likely to get a French Cruller that tastes like a pigs knuckle. Anyway, there was no golf worth writing about this week so here goes nothing part 2.

Cowboys by 4 over the WFT: The Pick - WFT

I mean this fucking
guy. Amarite?!?
My disdain for the WFT is longstanding and well-documented, however, I must admit I'm finding this version of the burgundy and gold tolerable. I would almost go so far as to say "likeable" but then I remember who owns this Bada Bing disguised as a football team and "likeable" just becomes a bridge too far.* With all of that being said, the Cowboys are overrated (as usual), the WFT is underrated and this game is in Landover at the biggest stadium $250M could buy in 1997.** At least 51% of the crowd should be cheering for the home team (maybe) so we'll give them the nod.
Broncos by 10 over the Lions: The Pick - Lions

Here's a fun fact. Over the last four games during which the Lions are a more than respectable (by their own historical standards) 1-2-1, they've only been outscored 72-69. Dan Campbell is a nut and clearly has no idea what he's doing but his team loves to play for him so give me the 10 points versus a Broncos team that is only .500 because they got to open the season with three games against the trifecta of futility that is the Giants, Jets and Jaguars. And yes this means that the Teddy Bridgewater against the spread strategy I touted last week is now dead to me.  

Chiefs by 10 over the Raiders: The Pick - Raiders 

Speaking of which, last week I picked the Broncos to cover 9.5 against the Chiefs in part because you generally don't want to give that many points in a divisional game. Of course the Chiefs won by 11. This pick is based solely on the fact that I don't think the Chiefs will cover double digits twice in a row against divisional opponents. This is the closest thing I have to a "process." Not to mention, the Raiders along with the WFT are probably the two least worst 6-6 teams in the league which is saying something. I guess.  

Cardinals by 2.5 over the Rams: The Pick - Cardinals

The Rams beat the Bucs in week 3 but they haven't had a win over a potential playoff team since (lost three in a row to the Titans, 49ers and Packers). Meanwhile, the Cardinals have emerged as the best team in the league despite Kyler Murray and DeAndre Hopkins each missing three games and A.J. Green costing them the Packers game by running a route that could best be described as unfinished.   

Browns by 2.5 over the Ravens: The Pick - Ravens

My friend from Long Island who knows things says the Ravens will win because they're the tougher team. That's good enough for me.

Last week: 2-3.


Hollywood circa 1977 . . . "Do you think we
should maybe put one woman on the poster?"
* This is where I'm forced to point out that any discussion of which movie has the greatest cast of all-time should be declared over when A Bridge Too Far enters the mix. I mean look at this damn poster. That's like thirty-five Oscar nominations and it doesn't even include a young Ben Cross . . . or John Ratzenberger (I've included the link to his IMDB profile in case you don't recognize this acting icon by name and without the uniform that would ultimately make him famous . . . ok he's Cliff Clavin).
** I like to think that I'm pretty good with words but I can't come-up with a way to adequately express what a dump FedEx Field is and the utter sub-mediocrity of the game experience it provides. They basically decided to build an 80,000 seat stadium on a 50,000 seat stadium budget . . . "well, I guess we could model the concourses after cattle chutes and not build any roads in and out of the parking lot . . . that should save a few bucks."     

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