Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Fantasy Golf: The Northern Trust Preview

I am literally writing from the middle of the woods in West Virginia with some wicked cornhole commentary coming from my left and from my right I've got Janet on the speaker phone with Bobby explaining to him that "I keep telling Marge to cut back on the cigarrettes and take her pills but she won't listen to me and, when she ends-up back in the damn hospital again, it ain't gonna be my fault goddammit" (though I detect a poorly concealed sense  of responsibility in Janet's voice and I worry that she's going to blame herself when Marge inevitably ends-up back in the hospital despite her doing everything she can to prevent it). 

So writing conditions are an ideal combination of serenity and comedy. Let's pick-up on our rankings of the golf courses in Maryland's 7th Congressional District where only the bravest humans dare to live . . . much less golf.

10. Hobbit's Glenn Golf Club

It must be at least a top ten course because it used to host the State Farm Senior Classic back in the late 90's but I think that had more to do with its proximity to I-95 and the fact that it's almost equidistant to Baltimore and Washington, D.C.  Unfortunately, they learned their lesson the hard-way that trying to host a sporting event that appeals to both of those markets at the same time is like trying to host a picnic for the Sunnis and the Shiites. (That means it folded).

9. Waverly Woods Golf Club

Waverly Woods is actually a decent Arthur Hills design that opened during that period when developers figured people like me would drive 45 minutes and pay $60 to play 5+ hour rounds forever. It's still open so I guess people still do. I just don't know any of them anymore. 

8. Forest Park Golf Course

Our second of the three Baltimore City municipal tracks on this list and another one that's underrated for (a) it's design, (b) it's cool inside the beltway location and, most importantly, (c) the fact that it's one of four courses on which I've broken par. Suffice it to say that it's a magical place. 

7. The Woodlands

They built The Woodlands right next to Diamond Ridge because I think they felt like the people who live near beltway Exit -15 deserved more than a daily mention in the 98 Rock traffic report (man fuck the triple bridges). I can't really tell you anything about it other than it's got that modern moundy feel and I enjoy it every time I play it. And that includes one day this past winter when the prudes who run the fancy courses wouldn't let the kids play on them so I ponied-up the greens fee to get some fresh air and satisfy my jones on what was probably a 70 degree January afternoon. Don't get me started on the fancy golf course prudes but last time I checked . . . it's dirt and grass. Let's move on. 

6. Hayfield's Country Club 

Hey look another course that's hosted a Senior Tour event. Who could argue that Baltimore isn't respected when we get all of these senior events? (Don't answer that). 

We're going to save the top five for next week because when you stumble on to a good writing crutch, you need to milk it until it's dry and then milk it for one more week. And now this.


Oh my fucking God . . . 


They haven't played Liberty National since The Barclays in 2013 but it yielded a solid leaderboard that year with Adam Scott taking the title and Justin Rose, Tiger Woods, Jim Furyk, Phil Mickelson and Rickie Fowler all finishing in the top ten. I'm not going to do a full-blown chart this week but here is that 2013 leaderboard if you want to take a gander. The last time they played before that was 2009 when Heath Slocum screwed everything up by shooting a final round 67 and denying us a playoff between Woods, Ernie Els, Padraig Harrington and Steve Stricker.  

For my one and done this week, I'm going with Francesco Molinari but remember that I have to pick a guy I haven't picked before. If I had every player at my disposal, I'd probably go with Justin Rose who I wasted when he inexplicably rogered me by missing the cut at The Masters (and no I'm not getting past it). With that being said, other than Brooks Koepka, there aren't really any other players I'd jump at ahead of Molinari. I'm pretty sure he's going to win one of these three events so why not this one? 

As much as I hate going with the hot player just because he's the hot player, it's really hard not to like Webb Simpson in that second tier price range. Same thing with Patrick Reed at $8,100. It's been a long time since he bothered us and he's due. 

Rory Sabbatini finished T13 here in 2013 and he seems to have resurrected his career in 2019 which is awesome because now he's relevant enough to deliver us a new "Rory Sabbatini's being kind of a dick again" story. And not in this new passive aggressive style like when Bryson DeChambeau is kind of a dick or Jordan Spieth is kind of a dick. No. When Rory Sabbatini wants to be a dick, he's just a dick and frankly the game is better for it. 

A step down from there I'm taking some flyers on Mickelson, Bubba Watson and Scott Piercy. Phil has to be getting a little tired of just being a novelty act at this point . . . (are you sure?). Bubba and Piercy round-out my scowling quadrifecta with Reed and Sabbatini. 

And finally this week's sleeper is Nick Watney who finished T9th here in 2013 and T6th in 2009. Nick has spent much of the season rotating through the sleeper spot with Nick Taylor, Nick Jonas and Nick Tortelli without much success but this is the week. I can feel it. And with that, I'm off to purchase an orangutan act. (Did he say purchase or join?) Heyoooo!!!!    

I can't say anything snarky with Lady Liberty in the
picture so I will leave it at I'd like to play this course
and you know where to find me if you need a 4th.
One and Done Pick: Francesco Molinari

Other Guy I'd Pick: Justin Rose

Sleeper Pick: Rory Sabbatini

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Brooks Koepka
Justin Rose
Webb Simpson
Francesco Molinari
Patrick Reed
Rory Sabbatini
Bubba Watson
Scott Piercy
Phil Mickelson
Nick Watney

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