Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Fantasy Golf: The BMW Championship Preview

And now for our third and final installment of the top golf courses in Maryland's 7th Congressional District. Hey remember when that was a big story a few months ago? Yeah well it was two weeks ago. Man time flies when you have a president who picks a new target for his pubescent rants every twenty minutes. I can't wait until he inevitably turns on Stephen Miller and we get a reenactment of the Will Patton scene from No Way Out.* Just kidding. He'll probably blow-up the planet before that happens. Anyway, here's the top five.

5. Rolling Road Golf Club

Rolling Road is one of those short bad-ass courses that newly minted single digit handicappers swagger onto with visions of career rounds dancing in their heads and then crawl off of wondering what happened to their wallet and keys. They're currently being sold out of the back of a nail salon in Arbutus. Thanks for coming. 

4. Baltimore Country Club (West)

Baltimore Country Club's West Course is exactly what a little brother course should be. Namely, it's different from the other course in a bunch of good ways. It's a modern par 72 with reachable par fives and greens that you can read without a secret decoder ring unlike it's neighbor to the east. Also, it's one of the other four courses on which I've broken par so I am naturally prone to overrate it (much like myself).     

3. Hillendale Country Club 

I've played Hillendale a bunch of times under somewhat competitive conditions and it's a very scrappy medium length track rolling through the hills of the north Baltimore County countryside surrounded by horse farms which begs the question, "what in the fuck is it doing in Maryland's 7th District?" It must kill those rednecks to be represented by Elijah Cummings. Clearly someone slid the envelope of cash under the wrong door during gerrymander season.

2. Mount Pleasant Golf Course 

Mount Pleasant is just a great golf course that happens to live on the north side of Baltimore City and you have to love the fact that Northern Parkway runs right through the middle of it because both times you cross it you're sharing the road with Pimlico Race Course, the Senator Theater, a few settings for David Simon shows and three snobby prep schools. Don't get much more Baltimore than that. Oh yeah, Arnold Palmer won a professional tournament here so suck on that every congressional district that doesn't have a course where the King won. 

1. Baltimore Country Club (East)

The #2 ranked course in the State of Maryland and the site of some of my most proud golfing moments and, more importantly, my most soul-crushing failures. I have my issues with the East course but then again, I have my issues with everything so that's not necessarily a detraction. If you can survive the gauntlet of the first five holes, you can actually score over the next nine before getting your ass kicked on the way home. I've had more horrendous starts and blown more 3 up with 4 to play leads on that course than I care to remember. I think it might be mental (good guess sport).  

And now this. 


If you didn't catch the Women's U.S. Amateur, then you missed this clutch shot followed by a clutcher shot and then the cluchest shot to end it:


So last week I had the foresight to put Patrick Reed in my top ten based on the rationale that "it's been a long time since he's bothered us and he's due." There aren't many things worse about this job than being right about Patrick Reed's success though picking Bryson DeChambeau for a team you have to live with all year is way the hell up there. (I thought he had it all figured-out!)

This week we've got ANOTHER venue that the pros haven't played in forever unless you count the 2012 Ryder Cup debacle. The last time Medinah hosted a stroke play event, Tiger Woods and Luke Donald entered the final round of the 2006 PGA Championship tied for the lead and I don't need to tell you what happened next. It is, however, instructive that Donald finished in the top ten along with other notorious fairway splitters Sergio Garcia, Mike Weir, K.J. Choi, Steve Stricker and Ryan Moore. Clearly the accuracy to distance ratio leans heavily towards the former on this course.

So I'm picking Ian Poulter which makes no sense whatsoever except that (a) he was the star of the 2012 Ryder Cup, (b) he is currently playing well and (c) he is going to be milking every last ounce from that 2012 experience this week and the closer he is to the top of the leaderboard, the more chances he'll have to do that. Also, I've already used Patrick Cantlay and Xander Schauffele who would be my first two choices. 

The rest of this week's picks basically follow that straight hitter formula with the exception of Rory McIlroy at the top which is just a straight-up hunch that he is going to distinguish himself among the top players. It's kind of a process of elimination thing because Jon Rahm and Justin Rose can't seem to close anymore, we've lost D.J. completely and I think Brooks is going to chill until he wipes the floor with everyone at East Lake.   

If I had really wanted to capture the Medinah
nightmare, I would've gone with a picture 
Davis Love, III praying into a walkie-talkie.
One and Done Pick: Ian Poulter

Other Guy I'd Pick: Patrick Cantlay

Sleeper Pick: Chez Reavie

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Rory McIlroy
Patrick Cantlay
Tommy Fleetwood
Xander Schauffele
Ian Poulter
Francesco Molinari
Shane Lowry
Lucas Glover
Chez Reavie
Graeme McDowell


* One of these days I need to rank the greatest "where in the fuck did that guy/girl come from" movie performances of all-time and Will Patton's eerie almost reptilian portrayal of Scott Pritchard in No Way Out will absolutely be top five. Now I just need to come-up with at least four more. (Email address is below if you have any suggestions).  

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