Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Fantasy Golf: The Greenbrier Preview

I have a completely valid excuse for the delayed posting of this week's FGR preview. I forgot to write it. But it's not my fault (never is). Seriously. It all started with a 72 hole in 48 hours golf trip last Thursday-Saturday. That left a bit of a mark which killed productivity on Sunday and into Monday morning. Then I spent the better part of Monday afternoon shuffling papers at my desk while devoting 98% of my attention to the Belgium-Japan game. I don't think anyone noticed but I may have blown my cover a bit when I screamed "HOLY SHIT" after Belgium scored the game winning goal on one of the sweetest plays in soccer history.

"You ready to concede yet
or do you really want some
of this on the back nine?"
That takes us to Monday evening when I tried to start putting my life together physically, mentally and spiritually by playing basketball in a hot gym. That was immediately followed by two hours of laying on the floor asking myself "what have I done?" Tuesday morning I had shrewdly scheduled a one-on-one golf match. The good news was that it was going to be hotter than the surface of Venus and I still couldn't bend at the knees thanks to the previous night's activities. That, however, did not stop me from walking the front nine because I was going to intimidate the shit out of that mutherfucker. Still perplexed as to why I ran out of gas around the 14th hole and lost on 17. We may never know. 

Suffice it to say that idiotic effort wiped-out Tuesday afternoon which was spent drifting in and out of consciousness while watching the England-Columbia game and wondering if they have witness protection program type arrangements for soccer referees. By the time I had recovered, I had to go out drinking again. Which brings us to today. I got up late and decided to go swim some laps to continue the debauchery-recovery-debauchery-recovery cycle that has become my summer. At some point as I was gasping for breathable air that simply does not exist in Maryland these days, it dawned on me. "FUCK I FORGOT TO WRITE THE FANTASY GOLF REPORT!"
So here I sit on the 4th of July at 1:30 p.m. with the FGW and the FGK's buzzing around the house and the FGD next to me panting and farting. I just poured a cup of coffee in an effort to focus as I scour five years of results from the Greenbrier for clues. The first thing that jumps-out is that this tournament may have the most random, eclectic and unpredictable winners of any tournament on tour (not necessarily a good thing). If you asked the casual golf fan what Xander Schauffele, Danny Lee, Angel Cabrera, Jonas Blixt, Ted Potter, Jr., Scott Stallings and Stuart Appleby have in common, the most popular response would probably be "seven people who have never been in my kitchen."

We do at least have a handful of accomplished players who've scored multiple top tens in Jimmy Walker, Webb Simpson and Russell Henley so we're going heavy on them. As for the rest of the picks this week, it's a lot of hunch and hope based on either current form or some past success on The Old White TPC (so named because "TPC Honkeytown" didn't test well with the focus groups). Who knows? Maybe this will be my best week yet and we'll adopt the "hunch and hope" method permanently. It literally couldn't be any worse than the current "research and whiff" approach.     

Allow us to take this opportunity to introduce
our new spokesperson - Hope Dworaczyk.
The One and Done Pick: Webb Simpson

The Other Guy I'd Pick: Russell Henley

Sleeper Pick: Ben Crane

The DraftKings Top Ten Values

Webb Simpson
Russell Henley
Jimmy Walker
Jamie Lovemark
Brian Gay
Andrew Putnam
Richy Werenski
Abraham Ancer
Ben Crane
Denny McCarthy

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