Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Fantasy Golf: The Barclays Preview

I had planned to put most of my effort into a global thermonuclear FedEx Cup Playoffs Preview this week so the Barclays was going to get short shrifted anyway but then I dislocated the pinky finger on my left hand playing basketball on Monday night so that every time I go for the "shift" key, I get a really sweet stabbing pain in my knuckle . . . like right there when I did the quotation marks (SON OF A BITCH that takes writer's block to a whole new level).*

So far, I'm not getting a lot of positive karmic feedback from the summer where I was going to play less golf in the interest of devoting more time to fitness oriented pursuits that would involve less Bud Light and less Russian Gatorade under the theory that I would emerge in a better state of mental, physical and spiritual health. As of August 19th, all I have to show for it is plantar fasciitis, a busted finger and a fantasy golf season with more carnage than a Game of Thrones** wedding. Do you have any idea how brutal it is to write something called the Fantasy Golf Report and be so utterly pathetic at picking golfers for the better part of eight months? Of course you don't because you just sit there with that smug look on your face as I go down in flames week after week after week after week and I'll tell you what you can do with that smug look . . . you can take it and shove . . . sorry. Let's just move on and get these final four weeks over with.    

Nick Watney in the picks means
it's time for some Lucy Pinder . . .
The Barclays Odds

1. Rory McIlroy - 4 to 1
2. Adam Scott - 14 to 1
3. Henrik Stenson - 16 to 1
4. Justin Rose - 18 to 1
5. Sergio Garcia - 20 to 1

The FGR One and Done Picks

1. Nick Watney***
2. Henrik Stenson
3. Rory McIlroy
4. Rickie Fowler
5. Jim Furyk

Last Week's Report Card: C-

1. Brian Harman - M/C
2. Hideki Matsuyama - M/C
3. Brandt Snedeker - T5th
4. Nick Watney - T5th
. . . A/K/A "Not Amber Watney."

5. Billy Hurley, III - M/C

The Screw You Guys I'm Going Home Report

Hyundai: Gary Woodland - $130,000
Sony: Chris Kirk - $604,800
Humana: Charles Howell, III - $12,198
Farmers: Bill Haas - $20,740
WM Phoenix: Billy Horschel - M/C

Pebble Beach: Russell Knox - $46,860
Northern Trust: Dustin Johnson - $723,600
Match Play: Hunter Mahan - $148,000
Honda Classic: Graeme McDowell - $15,600
WGC-Cadillac: Rory McIlroy - $76,000
Valspar: Harris English - $23,940
Palmer: Justin Rose - M/C

Texas Open: Kevin Chappell - M/C
Houston Open: Keegan Bradley - $18,374
Masters: Matt Kuchar - $342,000
Heritage: Jim Furyk - $187,050
Zurich: Graham DeLaet - $44,200
Wells Fargo: Webb Simpson - $28,980
The Players: Adam Scott - $38,000
Byron Nelson: Jason Dufner - $17,327
And while you're at it, screw
this fantasy golf season.

Colonial: Zach Johnson - $12,416
Memorial: Charl Schwartzel - $167,400

FedEx St. Jude: Lee Westwood - M/C 
U.S. Open: Jason Day - $326,310
Travelers: Bubba Watson - $32,296
Quicken Loans: Brendon Todd - $237,250
Greenbrier: Jimmy Walker - M/C
John Deere: Steve Stricker - $112,800
British Open: Henrik Stenson - $36,253
Canadian Open: Charley Hoffman - M/C
Bridgestone: Tiger Woods - W/D
PGA Championship: Rickie Fowler - $580,000
Wyndham: Brian Harman - M/C

Season Total: $3,982,694

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com


* I am seriously considering changing the name of this site to the Fantasy Excuse Report.

** Just finished binge watching seasons 1-4 and I don't know where GOT is going to rank among the all-time television greats when it's done but it's going to command a good sized exhibit in the hall of fame along with The Sopranos, The Wire, Breaking Bad and T.J. Hooker.  

*** Remember that (a) I never pick the same player twice and (b) "Nick Watney" means "desperate measure" in Swahili. 

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