|"Now why is the guy from |
the Chrysler Cordoba
ads flying that ship?"
More on last week's debacle below but enough of this borderline preseason action. We're off to Torrey Pines where the past ten winners are Brandt Snedeker, Bubba Watson, Ben Crane, Nick Watney, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods (call me Stephen Hawking but I'm starting to detect a trend here), John Daly?!? and of course, Tiger Woods. Oh and Tiger also won this event in 1999 and, when they played a little something we like to call the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines in 2008, he won that too.
|"Hey mister, don't call that putter|
'Lifesaver' . . . call it 'Shithead.'"
So with Tiger's unbelievable track record in mind, the pick this week is of course Phil Mickelson for three reasons: (1) He's won at Torrey Pines three times (albeit a long time ago), (2) Tiger is just flying in from Abu Dhabi (which sounds like the set-up for a joke) and (3) Phil is feeling a little left-out from all of the buzz surrounding the new Tiger-Rory commercial and he's going to want to stick it to Tiger the first chance he gets. Apparently Phil is feeling so removed from the conversation these days that he tried to curry some favor with average hard-working Americans by complaining about his taxes because what better way to rally fan support than by making a public statement that you're going to have to make some "drastic changes" to your lifestyle in light of the taxes due on the $50M you made last year doing something for a living that many of us pay to do for fun. Or maybe he confused the reporters he was venting to with people in a similar predicament . . . like the six athletes who made more money than he did in 2012. With Phil, you never know.***
|"I mean I've got mouths to feed."|
The Overall Top Five
1. Phil Mickelson
2. Tiger Woods
3. Nick Watney
4. Bubba Watson
5. Brandt Snedeker
For the one and done this week it's almost a toss-up between Nick Watney and Bubba Watson. As mentioned above, they've both won this event and almost always play well at Torrey Pines. Unless you have them pegged for a spot in a major or WGC event later in the season, they're both solid as is Brandt Snedeker who provided the highlight of the FGR's 2012 season when he was my pick and he stole this tournament from Kyle Stanley. (Still not too proud of myself for yelling "GO GO GO" as Stanley's ball rolled towards the water on 18).
|Hey look, it's "Amber Watney."****|
1. Nick Watney
2. Bubba Watson
3. Brandt Snedeker
4. Rickie Fowler
5. Ben Crane
Last Week's Report Card: F
1. Tim Clark - M/C
2. Brandt Snedeker - T23rd
3. Matt Kuchar - T16th
4. Phil Mickelson - T37th
5. Chris Kirk - M/C
Normally I base Last Week's Report Card on the One and Done Picks but those were so awful that I couldn't even bear to look at them. Let's face it, that leaderboard looked like the PGA Tour intentionally scheduled alternative programming up against the NFL games. Other than Howell, III, you've got to go all the way down to 16th before you hit Matt Kuchar, Robert Garrigus and anyone else who would get your attention. I finally watched the end of it last night and it played-out just like you would imagine a tournament going down to the wire with a bunch of guys not used to winning highlighted by CH, III and Brian Gay both blowing chances to win with sloppy putting on 18 followed by Scott Stallings hitting a 6-iron into the drink to give the tournament away and then David Lingmerth completely outdoing him on the first playoff hole by hitting his 4-iron so far left that it looked like it landed in a scene from Open Water.***** Gay would redeem himself with a birdie on the second playoff hole but only after going through his entire annoying pre-putt routine when all he needed to do was 2-putt from six feet for the win. If I had been CH, III in that situation, I wouldn't have been able to conceal the "are you freakin' kidding me?" expression on my face . . . nor would I have tried.
* If we ranked movie sequels based on how much better they are than the original, then Star Trek II, may be the best. And before you disagree, try to describe the plot from the original Star Trek movie. I just read the description on IMDB.com and I still can't remember what it was about. How could you possibly make a forgettable Star Trek movie? The recipe is as simple as macaroni and cheese. Kirk, Spock, Klingons, photon torpedoes and a smokin' hot alien. Don't over think it.
** I could have just gone with the stock clip of KAHN! KAHN! but that would be failing to acknowledge the true brilliance of Ricardo Mantalban and seats available even in soft Corinthian leather.
*** And please do not misconstrue this as some kind of "pro tax" rant. This is a "guys who make $50M a year playing golf should limit their bitching about taxes to private conversations with each other and their accountants because the rest of us don't want to hear it" rant.
|"I'm Amber Watney? Am I tripping|
again? If so, I need to get to a safe
place. Can I use your bathtub?"
***** I never actually saw Open Water but I am going to assume there was a scene in it where all you could see was water. Otherwise, that's a really stupid name for the movie.