Oakmontgate: Winners and Losers

On Wednesday, we'll get to a preview of the poor sucker of a tournament that's following the U.S. Open this year but, if you're not expecting something out of the FGR on Sunday's shamockery of an imbroglio, then I don't know my business am I right? [sniffs, twitches head and grabs crotch] So let's cover it using the old crutch of alternating "Winners" and "Losers" and there were certainly plenty of worthy competitors for both honors. 

Winner: Dustin Johnson

We'll start with the most obvious one. D.J.'s 6-iron to three feet on the 72nd hole is arguably the greatest "Fuck You" shot in the history of golf. Remember that, in addition to the steaming bullshit cloud hanging over his head related to the potential penalty that may or may not be called between the end of the round and the 4th of July, he also had to back-off the shot because a walkie-talkie or something else went off right as he was about to pull the trigger the first time. It's almost cooler and more chill-inducing to watch it after the fact. 

Loser: The USGA

If I was one of the ten Judge Smails impersonators who paraded out there for the awards ceremony, I would've been screaming "STOP TALKING!!!" every time Jeff Hall, the Managing Director of Rules & Competitions for the USGA, decided to make himself the story by going on television to explain how he was taking a straightforward decision and turning it into Sophie's Freakin' Choice (never saw it but I understand that Meryl Streep had to make a tough call). That was some Roger Goodell level ineptitude. It was like a Cliffs Notes version of Deflategate except there was actually a side to root for that didn't make you feel like you bathed in Carnival cruise ship bilge water.       

Winner: Jack Nicklaus

After the round, Nicklaus said that when he congratulated Johnson he added, "What you did with all that crap thrown at you was pretty good." Even if he didn't say it that way to Johnson, the fact that he said that he said it is good enough for us. We're glad that Jack took a break from hawking ice cream to use his clout.   

Loser: The Game of Golf

Avoid having Jeff "I'll have to get 
back to you on that" Hall involved 
in any time sensitive decisions.

For a game that often struggles to legitimize itself as a "sport," having a rules system that allows for a call to be enforced after the players have finished playing ain't helping. The easiest analogy to what almost happened yesterday would be if a World Series game 7 was tied through nine innings but then the umpires decided to change a play at the plate call in the third inning from a run to an out thereby ending the game and changing the outcome. If you want to know what that would look like if it ever really happened, George Brett will be happy to show you.  

Winner: Brad Faxon

Fax was the only one on the air who had the stones to just come right out and call total fucking bullshit on the USGA. Thank God he was there to act as a dam to slow down the torrent of nonsense coming out of the mouth of . . . 

Loser: Paul Azinger

As soon as he started talking, I tweeted "Azinger sounds so unbelievably full of shit right now." That was when he tried to distract us from the USGA's witless pursuit by saying how the players really had to bear down and focus. Then he completely doubled-down on that crock by saying that every player at some point in his career had to play a round with the possibility of a penalty hanging over his head. Oh really Paul? So you say we're blowing this out of proportion because it happened to Shooter McGavin in the second round of the Jimmy Dean Sausage Swing Invitational back in 1983 and he kept it together to bring home the title? Congratulations. You just proved that someone can sound more tone deaf in a golf announcing booth than Joe Buck. It's a mystery why you two only get to call one tournament a year.

Winners: Rory McIlroy and Jordan Spieth

They came out firing at the USGA on Twitter as soon as the Keystone Cops left D.J. dangling on the 12th tee. Rory was a little quicker and snarkier but he's Irish so he has a big edge there:

"This is ridiculous... No penalty whatsoever for DJ. Let the guy play without this crap in his head. Amateur hour from @USGA."

But Spieth held his own:

"Lemme get this straight. DJ doesn't address it. It's ruled that he didn't cause it to move. Now you tell him he may have? Now? This a joke?"

Loser: Rickie Fowler

Rickie has now missed the cut in the three tournaments that matter (Masters, U.S. Open and The Players) since he applied for membership with the Big Three. Not helping his case is the fact that D.J. just moved-up to #3 ahead of Rory and Rickie has dropped below Bubba to #6 in the World Golf Rankings (which now seem to be kind of working after the Luke Donald/Lee Westwood ridiculousness of 2011). What does that have to do with Oakmontgate? Well Rickie also decided to chime-in on Twitter but he was the guy who just "randomly" happened to be in the bathroom when the fight broke-out in the bar and, by the time he got out, all the real punches had been thrown and everyone was just jumping on the pile. His "shot" at the USGA came seven minutes after Rory and Spieth had already stuck their necks out and it went like this:

".@JordanSpieth @McIlroyRory w/ you boys! The fact that the@usga thinks that DJ caused the ball to move is completely ridiculous! Laughable!"

In other words, "yeah USGA, what those major winners said."

Fantasy Golf: The U.S. Open Preview

Let's start with the basic odds. Not because anyone cares about golf odds anymore, but because it provides a nice open wall to hang a pretty painting on the right. After that, we'll get down to what you really care about with our fifteen most valuable DraftKings picks followed by five guys we think are more overpriced than an ice cream cone at the beach (seven bucks?!?! . . . what's in that fucking thing? . . . Wagyu milk?). 

THE U.S. OPEN ODDS

USA . . . USA!!!

1. Jason Day - 13/2

2. Rory McIlroy - 7/1

3. Jordan Spieth - 9/1

4. Dustin Johnson - 16/1

5. Justin Rose - 25/1

6. Rickie Fowler - 25/1

7. Adam Scott - 28/1

8. Phil Mickelson - 28/1

9. Henrik Stenson - 28/1

10. Hideki Matsuyama - 33/1

11. Danny Willett - 33/1
12. Matt Kuchar - 33/1
13. Sergio Garcia - 35/1
14. Bubba Watson - 40/1
15. Patrick Reed - 45/1

The One and Done Pick: Jason Day

The Sleeper Pick: Keegan Bradley

FIFTEEN GUYS WE LIKE IN DRAFTKINGS

Jason Day ($12,100): You always have to like the best player in the world, especially when the course seems like it was designed based on the question, "how could we give Jason Day the biggest possible advantage?" 

Justin Rose ($10,500): You should definitely build at least one roster around each of the "Big Three" but now we need to start filling-in the gaps. As we work our way down the price scale, we're taking Rose over Adam Scott and Hideki Matsuyama because he was playing really well before resting his back and he also showed at Merion that he can win on a U.S. Open course that takes a ton of patience and resilience. Really tempted to pick him over Day as a semi-dark horse.

Willett or Greyjoy?
See what I mean?

Danny Willett ($9,600): Willett just looks like a U.S. Open player which offsets him also looking like Theon Greyjoy. Of course, we know Willett just had a baby so . . . 

Sergio Garcia ($8,900): The FGR finds itself in that small group of people who still believes that Sergio is going to win a major. (There are about the same number of us as there were ever people with "O'Malley '16" bumper stickers that actually made it to their bumpers). The fact is that Sergio is hitting the ball as well as he ever has as evidenced by the fact that he's leading the tour in GIR.*

Matt Kuchar ($8,500): Kuch is playing his best golf in a while and his driver/putter combo should be money at Oakmont. Not to mention, we've said it before and we'll say it again, who doesn't love Kuch?

Patrick Reed ($8,400): Reed's a feisty S.O.B. and that's a personality type that could thrive this week because one way to attack Oakmont is with a "fuck you" approach (see: Johnny Miller). The others ways are a laid back South African style (see: Ernie Els) or a laid back chain-smoking South American style (see: El Pato). We're trying to find one of those. (Does anyone know if Emilliano Grillo smokes?)

Brandt Snedeker ($8,000): Snedeker's been up and down since his fast start but he has four top tens in his last seven U.S. Opens and two of his other finishes were a T11th and T17th to go with only one missed cut. Hard to go wrong at Oakmont with a guy who smiles that much. If for no other reason, he pisses-off everyone else.   

Martin Kaymer ($7,600): Don't look now but the steady German is playing his best golf at the right time and we all remember (or have worked hard to forget) what that did to the excitement level at Pinehurst in 2014.

Hey Russ, are you ok? You look
like you just shanked a wedge
on the most naked hole in golf.

Russell Knox ($7,600): There's no water at Oakmont so Knox isn't going to rinse three balls and over half a million dollars on one hole like he did at The Players when his third round sideshow cost him the difference between T19th and T2nd.

Matthew Fitzpatrick ($7,300): He's about as consistent as the health benefits of a Chipotle burrito but, like the burrito, when he's on his game, he's really good as he showed by winning last week and finishing T7th at the Masters.

Marc Leishman ($7,300): At least a couple non-descript straight drivers are going to finish in the top ten. Leishman is our pick to be one of them. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.

Daniel Berger ($7,200): Berger was playing with confidence before last week's win in Memphis. Now he rolls into his second U.S. Open knowing he just took down Phil Mickelson, Dustin Johnson and Brooks Koepka. He's got to be feeling like every dance scene in Magic Mike XXL right now (yeah I watched it . . . TWICE!).

Webb Simpson ($7,000): We have no idea where Webb Simpson went but it appears that he may have returned at the right time with a T3rd and a T11th in his last two starts. His U.S. Open record isn't that great unless you count that win in 2012 and we are in fact going to count that.

Emilliano Grillo ($6,900): OK so we don't think he smokes but he did just finish T11th at The Memorial and before that he was T17th at the Masters plus his recent history is littered with indicators that he plays his best against quality competition (take our word for it). Anyway, he's a steal at this price.

Keegan Bradley ($6,800): Bradley leads the tour in total driving and, despite a very sketchy season overall, he just finished T8th at The Memorial so he may have found something.  

. . . AND FIVE GUYS WE DON'T

Jordan Spieth ($11,900): As noted above, you have to throw him on at least one roster just in case but even with that win a few weeks ago, we're not convinced he knows where the ball is going off the tee or how far it's going with the irons. Remember that he came in with a little something to prove to Day and McIlroy at The Memorial and shot 74-73 on the weekend to beat Rod Fucking Pampling (not his real name) by one shot. If there are still any cracks, Oakmont is going to blow them open.

Hard to erase this memory.

Dustin Johnson ($11,000): If you've been watching lately, it would certainly appear that D.J. is hitting it longer than he (or maybe anyone) ever has. When you couple that with the fact that Angel Cabrera won at Oakmont in 2007, you might say to yourself "hmmmmm." But don't be fooled. He's 162nd in driving accuracy which is a killer on this course because it means you're leaving yourself a ton of squirrelly par putts. I'm wincing just thinking about him this week.**  

Rickie Fowler ($10,700): Rickie has missed the cut in three of his last five tournaments including the Masters and The Players where we were led to believe he would contend. He appears to have entered the "trying too hard" phase of his major career. He will either emerge from it in dramatic fashion at some point a la Phil Mickelson, or become Sergio 2.0. 

Bubba Watson ($9,500): Forget that Bubba finished T5th here in 2007. That was a different, far less impatient player than the guy who has missed the cut in four of the past eight Opens and hasn't finished better than T32nd in one since 2009.

Jim Furyk ($7,700): Furyk's getting some love as a local favorite and because he finished tied for 2nd with Tiger back in 2007. Two things worth noting: (1) He is 46 years old and (2) he's coming-off a wrist injury which is about the last thing you want on your mind when hitting out of the pit bull teeth rough at Oakmont. 

Footnote

* And no, we're not going to define "GIR." This is the fucking U.S. Open Preview and we're not dumbing it down for anybody!

** Full disclosure . . . I have an interest in D.J. winning this week so there is a bit of reverse jinxing going on here.

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com. (Note to those who used to get the FGR link from the old email address. That address was terminated by the provider for reasons unbeknownst to me. Maybe it was because I was their last customer. No one will answer the phone to tell me). 

Fantasy Golf: The FedEx St. Jude Preview

This week's preview is going to be a little thin and, by "a little," I mean really fucking thin because Tuesday, which is generally "writing day," will be the official kick-off of the FGR's annual company retreat where the entire staff convenes to play eight rounds in three tournaments spanning eleven days. It's an opportunity for us to really come together as a team and reinforce what it is that we're trying to do here . . . whatever that may be. We are, however, professional(s) so we have built in some downtime on Monday and Tuesday of next week to produce a proper U.S. Open preview. At least that's the plan.

This week the tour along with about eight of its best players heads to Memphis to tune-up for a major at Oakmont by playing a TPC course. You can't argue with the strategy when you consider that Phil Mickelson and Dustin Johnson have employed it to choke away about a half dozen U.S. Opens between them. I guess D.J. figures he'll straighten-out his train wreck putting from last Sunday on greens that could charitably be described as "goofy." 

The one and done pick this week is fairly straightforward. Either go (a) big with Phil or Brooks Koepka, (b) conservatively aggressive with Ryan Palmer or Harris English or (c) just make a "fuck it" pick and go with Kyle Reifers or Scott Brown. If you want to guarantee yourself a payday with no chance of winning, take Charles Howell, III. See you next week.

The FedEx St. Jude Odds

Anyone tried the Memphis BBQ Burger
from our good friends at Carl's Jr.? Looks
delicious and surprisingly low in calories. 

1. Dustin Johnson - 13/2
2. Brooks Koepka - 12/1
3. Phil Mickelson - 14/1
4. Ryan Palmer - 20/1
5. Daniel Berger - 22/1
6. Gary Woodland - 22/1
7. Harris English - 22/1
8. Graeme McDowell - 40/1
9. Charles Howell - 40/1
10. Colt Knost - 40/1

One and Done Pick: Brooks Koepka

The Sleeper Pick: Bud Cauley

Ten Guys We Like in DraftKings

Brooks Koepka - $11,100
Harris English - $9,900
Colt Knost - $9,700
David Toms - $7,600
Ben Martin - $7,600
Harold Varner - $7,500
Cameron Tringale - $7,300
Bud Cauley - $7,200
Fredrik Jacobson - $7,000
Ben Crane - $7,000

Fantasy Golf: The Memorial Tournament Preview

There was a smattering of requests for further explanation of my match-play disaster from a week ago so we'll be efforting something called Anatomy of a Meltdown in the coming days (or weeks). In the meantime, we've got a top flight event (as opposed to a Top Flite event which would imply untucked shirts and cargo shorts*) on tap this week with the new "Big Three" set to lock horns on a course that usually delivers the goods. 

(Note that "Big Three" wannabe Rickie Fowler doesn't even have the fourth best odds this week. Missing the cut at the Masters and The Players after supposedly announcing your presence with authority on the other side of the world way the hell back in January will have that effect). 

The Memorial could drop the mic solely on the fact that Tiger has won it five times but, to hammer home the point, it can boast a few two-time winners you may have heard of named Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson, Hale Irwin and Greg Norman. Throw-in solo titles for multiple major winners like Ernie Els, Vijay Singh, Raymond Floyd and Curtis Strange and you certainly have a better case for a 5th major than that tournament they played on the course next to the tattoo parlor with the windmill and the clown's mouth a few weeks ago. But I slightly digress.

Last year's winner David Lingmerth was the first outlier we've had since Carl Pettersson in 2006 so we're due for a classy Sunday leaderboard. It doesn't hurt that the event may never have boasted a field this strong with the top five ranked players in the world and 18 of the top 30. Someone really good at golf is gonna win this week (hey thanks dipshit). The question is who? 

The obvious pick would be Jordan Spieth who is coming-off a win and finished T3rd here last year. After him, I'd rank 'em (2) Hideki Matsuyama, (3) Jason Day, (4) Matt Kuchar and (5) Bubba Watson and, if I was making a one and done pick, it would be Matsuyama and then Kuchar. Unfortunately, I've already burned those two guys and I've got Spieth, Day and Bubba slated elsewhere down the road. I thought about going with Kevin Na based on his past success at Muirfield (T13th and 2nd the last two years) but picking Na for this event just feels like showing-up for your high school reunion in a minivan so I'm going to drop a couple hundred at Avis and roll-up in a shiny new Lincoln MKZ. (That was a very convoluted way of saying that I'm picking Paul Casey).       
      

Is he related to Kacey Barnfield? 

THE MEMORIAL ODDS

Jason Day - 13/2

Rory McIlroy - 13/2

Jordan Spieth - 7/1

Hideki Matsuyama - 16/1

Rickie Fowler - 20/1

Matt Kuchar - 22/1

Dustin Johnson - 22/1

Bubba Watson - 25/1

Patrick Reed - 40/1

Phil Mickelson - 40/1

Paul Casey - 45/1

Daniel Berger - 50/1

Jason Dufner - 50/1

Charl Schwartzel  - 50/1

One and Done Pick: Paul Casey

Sleeper Pick: David Hearn

Wrong spelling dummy. He'd be
related to "Casey" Batchelor.

FIFTEEN GOOD BETS

Jason Day - $12,400

Jordan Spieth - $12,300

Hideki Matsuyama - $10,600

Matt Kuchar - $9,900
Paul Casey - $8,800

Chris Kirk - $8,300

Kevin Na - $8,100

Marc Leishman - $7,900

Bill Haas - $7,700

Russell Knox - $7,600

Francisco Molinari - $7,400

Luke Donald - $7,200

Scott Piercy - $6,900

Daniel Summerhays - $6,900

David Hearn - $6,700

ONE AND DONE PICKS TO DATE

Hyundai:	Dustin Johnson	$148,000
Sony:	Matt Kuchar	$77,604
CareerBuilder:	Ryan Palmer	$75,897
Farmers:	Brandt Snedeker	$1,170,000
Phoenix:	Hideki Matsuyama	$1,170,000
Pebble Beach:	Jimmy Walker	$143,500
Northern Trust:	Sergio Garcia	$0
Honda:	Patrick Reed	$0
Cadillac:	Rickie Fowler	$197,500
Valspar	Ryan Moore	$414,800
Palmer:	Henrik Stenson	$365,400
Match Play:	Branden Grace	$90,900
Houston Open:	Phil Mickelson	$160,760
Masters:	Adam Scott	$37,000
Heritage:	Kevin Kisner	$11,859
Texas Open:	Charley Hoffman	$1,116,000
Zurich:	Billy Horschel	$28,029
Wells Fargo:	Kevin Chappell	$22,642
Players:	Rory McIlroy	$212,625
Nelson:	Marc Leishman	$0
Colonial:	Jason Dufner	$216,913
	Total	$5,659,429

Footnote

* Never forget that I am an insufferable country club douche . . . not that I'll let you.

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.