Fantasy Golf: The Tour Championship Preview

The bad news is that the golf season effectively shuts down after this weekend unless you count the President's Cup which is in Canada this year so I'm not really sure how you can. The good news, however, is that Mercury is finally moving-out of retrograde and, I don't know about you but for me, it can't happen soon enough. I think the universe has had enough of my shit and is trying to take me out.

After surviving my midnight run weaving through 18-wheelers on my way to Memphis and moving my son into a house two doors down from porch front drug dealers (who are allegedly "really nice guys"), I returned to the relative safety of Baltimore. That lasted all of one day before I was running down a basketball court and managed to roll my ankle with such violence that I did an almost full face plant broken slightly by my left wrist which may itself be broken. Witnesses would later say it looked like I got shot. 

Injuries now include my left ankle, left wrist, right shoulder and face. My golf swing is currently being held together with duct tape and my primary swing thought is "ow." But we must sally forth because, while the PGA Tour gets ready to shut it down, local senior golf season is just ramping-up and it's been way too long since my name was carved into a piece of wood mounted outside of the locker room shitter.       

TWEET OF THE WEEK

I'm really trying to avoid politics but I'm not sure how that's going to be possible if J.D. Vance keeps trying to interact with people like he's a normal human. 

“Hello, dough servants. Give me a banker’s dozen.” https://t.co/6zBR2yq0jr

— Frank Lesser (@sadmonsters) August 23, 2024

GOLF ANALYSIS

If the proliferation of sports gambling achieves anything, let's hope it's the death of this stupid fucking format. Having the favorite in a golf tournament go off at +115 and the longest shot in a thirty man field go off at +100,000 is absurd. I guess there's some top five value if you feel a run coming from a guy like Sungjae Im (+500), Billy Horschel (+1100) or Taylor Pendrith (+2000). I think I feel it but that could also be the long term effect of my jaw hitting the floor.   

Xander Schauffele is as close to a lock to win here as any player is anywhere so maybe parlay him with one of the aforementioned top five guys for some goofy action. That's really all I've got. Dad's tired. 

One and Done Pick: Xander Schauffele

You simply don't bet against 
the Prince of East Lake.

Other Guy I'd Pick: Viktor Hovland

Sleeper Pick: Taylor Pendrith 

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Xander Schauffele	$11,000
Rory McIlroy	$9,600
Patrick Cantlay	$9,400
Collin Morikawa	$9,100
Viktor Hovland	$8,300
Sungjae Im	$7,500
Billy Horschel	$7,100
Justin Thomas	$6,800
Taylor Pendrith	$6,500
Chris Kirk	$6,200

If you're looking for a ray of sunshine in this otherwise cloudy post, I give you the fact that rumors of a Ted Lasso Season 4 are now swirling. This is welcome news for those of us who have been trying to fill that void with shows based on good books that someone paid David Kelley to butcher.  

                                            THE TED LASSO SEASON 4

                                    HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART 

As a point of parliamentary procedure, I will note that the chart below does not remove the formatting so it's not a great indicator of who actually plays well at East Lake. If they keep-up with this nonsense for another year, I may actually dig-in to produce a chart with the real scoring (but I doubt it).

	DK Price	2023	2022	2021	2020	2019
Scottie Scheffler	$12,200	T6	T2	T22	5th	DNP
Xander Schauffele	$11,000	2nd	4th	T5	T2	2nd
Hideki Matsuyama	$10,100	DNP	T11	T26	T15	T9
Ludvig Aberg	$9,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Rory McIlroy	$9,600	4th	1st	T14	T8	1st
Patrick Cantlay	$9,400	5th	T7	1st	DNP	T21
Collin Morikawa	$9,100	T6	T21	T26	6th	DNP
Keegan Bradley	$8,700	T9	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sam Burns	$8,500	T9	24th	T18	DNP	DNP
Viktor Hovland	$8,300	1st	T15	T5	T20	DNP
Wyndham Clark	$8,100	3rd	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Adam Scott	$7,900	DNP	25th	DNP	DNP	6th
Tony Finau	$7,700	DNP	9th	T11	17th	7th
T. Fleetwood	$7,600	T6	DNP	DNP	DNP	T16
Sungjae Im	$7,500	24th	T2	T20	T11	DNP
Russell Henley	$7,400	T14	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Shane Lowry	$7,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Byeong Hun An	$7,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Billy Horschel	$7,100	DNP	T21	T9	30th	DNP
Sahith Theegala	$7,000	DNP	28th	DNP	DNP	DNP
Akshay Bhatia	$6,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Justin Thomas	$6,800	DNP	T7	4th	T2	T3
Sepp Straka	$6,700	T14	T7	DNP	DNP	DNP
Robert Macintyre	$6,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Taylor Pendrith	$6,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Aaron Rai	$6,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
C. Bezuidenhout	$6,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Chris Kirk	$6,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Tom Hoge	$6,100	DNP	10th	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matthieu Pavon	$6,000	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP

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