Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The U.S. Open Update

If I’d known I was experiencing what would be the most interesting part of the US Open for me at the practice round on Tuesday, I would have taken more time to enjoy it.  GSB, myself and our gracious host were enjoying complimentary beverages on the clubhouse patio when I looked out into the crowd and saw the owner of preseason favorite and current sinking ship the V-holes headed in our direction accompanied by an attractive blonde who I assumed was his wife (the V-holes married up).  I checked the 10th tee to make sure it was clear and yelled “Hey V-holes!” across the crowd.  He came over and asked us if we wanted to come down and meet Win McMurray.  Prior to last Tuesday, I had no idea who Win McMurray was because the only show I watch on the Golf Channel is the one about the homeless guy trying to make it on tour because there is nothing more over the top on TV than a guy carrying a Titleist staff bag in and out of soup kitchens.  It always reminds me of the Sam Kinison line about the film crews in Ethiopia, “couldn’t the camera guy give the kid a sandwich? . . . . NO! NO! NO! WE NEED HIM TO LOOK HUNGRY!!!” 

"Hey Win, are you
looking at me?  Him?  Me? 
Him?  Neither?  OK."
Anyway, the V-holes apparently drew the short straw at the production meeting and ended-up with the job of chaperoning Ms. McMurray around the course so I had the opportunity to comment on her drinking beer out of paper cup to keep up appearances and then I think I said something about preferring vodka mixed with Gatorade at which point she said, “I think we need to get over to the driving range.”  As we parted ways, five fat guys in soft spikes and straw hats surrounded her like it was a night at the Roxbury.  You have to love the majors.

Let’s face it.  The actual tournament stunk.  This was not Tiger trouncing the field at Pebble Beach in 2000.  That was a real US Open course as evidenced by the fact that the guys who finished 2-8 were between +3 and +7 while Tiger shot 12 under.  Jason Day finished second this year and shot the third lowest U.S. Open score ever.  Twenty players finished under par.  The course at the Honda Classic played tougher.  And let’s slow down on the McIlroy being the new Tiger talk.  Rory has won 3 of his first 100 tournaments – Tiger won 28 of his.  Just look at them.  Tiger was (and will hopefully be again) a badass.  Rory has pot tits and a perm.  I’m pretty sure Pulp Fiction is not quite the same movie if Tom Hanks plays Jules instead of Samuel L. Jackson.  Let's check back on the rhythm of that sweet swing when he's nursing a one shot lead on the 72nd hole of a major. 

Congratulations again to Team Knothead who is having quite the season for a team in 7th place thanks to his major championship ready roster lead by Schwartzel and McIlroy.  I’m just glad he botched his first pick by going back to the Geoff Ogilvy well again instead of taking a guy on the rise like Luke Donald or Nick Watney (why did I pick Zach “Warning Track Power” Johnson again?).  Fortunately I’ve avoided his straight-up bets because I don’t have a guy on my roster who I can see finishing top 10 in a major but hey, I’ve got two of the favorites playing at TPC River Highlands this week which is nice.