Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Fantasy Golf: The Canadian Open Preview

To quote Phil Mickelson, "I'm such an idiot." On the one hand, we had a major where all indications were that birdies and eagles would abound based on a favorable weather forecast AND the fact that the winning score the last time they played this year's course was 18 under (second lowest major score ever). On the other hand, we had a player who has something of a history of dominating majors played on easy tracks and who had been showing recent signs of a return to ball-striking greatness with an opening 63 at the Memorial and an opening 64 at the Scottish Open last week. Maybe I was spooked about the second round debacles (78's at both of the aforementioned events) or maybe the memories of 2013 (Cut) and 2012 (T60th) were still fresh in my mind but for whatever reason, I didn't even put Rory McIlroy in a top ten where I found room for the likes of Danny Freakin Willett (and yes, that is his real full name).

The result was another disastrous week that has me one step closer to standing in front of Dean Wormer's desk as he reads off my putrid grade point average for the season. In my two one and done leagues, I sit 41st out of 74 teams in one and 31st out of 45 teams in the other. In the first league, I am fittingly right behind a team called "Shank." In the other league, I am even more fittingly behind a team called "Frazier" which calls to mind the Cheers episode when Frasier Crane returns from Italy and describes the fallout from Diane leaving him at the altar . . . "now in Italy when a soccer player attempts to kick the ball, misses and falls down, it's called a 'Frasier' . . . if that player then loses consciousness, it's called a 'Frasier Crane.'" My season is therefore a "Frasier" and well on its way to becoming a "Frasier Crane." Here's the damage report:

Last Week's Report Card: D
"And now, 25 years later I've got some wise-ass
reminding me of it on something called a blog."

1. Henrik Stenson - T39th
2. Adam Scott - T5th
3. Sergio Garcia - T2nd
4. Justin Rose - T23rd
5. Martin Kaymer - T70th
6. Victor Dubuisson - T9th
7. Brandt Snedeker - T58th
8. Danny Willett - M/C
9. Matt Kuchar - T54th
10. Francesco Molinari - T15th

The Frasier Crane Report

Hyundai: Gary Woodland - $130,000
Sony: Chris Kirk - $604,800
Humana: Charles Howell, III - $12,198
Farmers: Bill Haas - $20,740
WM Phoenix: Billy Horschel - M/C

Pebble Beach: Russell Knox - $46,860
Sticking with with the Miss Universe theme from
last week . . . meet Miss Canada of 2006. Nothing
says Canada quite like a bamboo backdrop.
Northern Trust: Dustin Johnson - $723,600
Match Play: Hunter Mahan - $148,000
Honda Classic: Graeme McDowell - $15,600
WGC-Cadillac: Rory McIlroy - $76,000
Valspar: Harris English - $23,940
Palmer: Justin Rose - M/C
Texas Open: Kevin Chappell - M/C
Houston Open: Keegan Bradley - $18,374
Masters: Matt Kuchar - $342,000

Heritage: Jim Furyk - $187,050
Zurich: Graham DeLaet - $44,200
Wells Fargo: Webb Simpson - $28,980
The Players: Adam Scott - $38,000
Byron Nelson: Jason Dufner - $17,327
Colonial: Zach Johnson - $12,416
Memorial: Charl Schwartzel - $167,400
FedEx St. Jude: Lee Westwood - M/C

U.S. Open: Jason Day - $326,310
Travelers: Bubba Watson - $32,296
Quicken Loans: Brendon Todd - $237,250
Greenbrier: Jimmy Walker - M/C
John Deere: Steve Stricker - $112,800
British Open: Henrik Stenson - $36,253

Season Total: $3,402,694

Now we head north for the Canadian Open which is a tricky one to call because they're always moving it around and this year they're playing a course they haven't seen since Scott Verplank won it in 2001 (Scott Verplank?!?). Add to that the fact that I've already used all of the guys I really want to pick this week (Furyk, Schwartzel, Mahan, etc.) and I'm left in a little bit of a pickle that has me going with the Golden Mullet (that's my new nickname for Charley Hoffman). Then again, picking the guys I've wanted to pick hasn't gotten me nowhere so maybe this is a blessing in disguise . . . but somehow I doubt it so what do you say we just look at another hot chick from Canada because even I can't screw that up.

The Canadian Open Favorites
"Ohhhhh Canada, our home and native
smoking hot babe . . . wait, that's not it."

1. Dustin Johnson - 12 to 1
2. Matt Kuchar - 12 to 1
3. Jim Furyk - 12 to 1
4. Graeme McDowell - 16 to 1
5. Charl Schwartzel - 20 to 1

The FGR One and Done Picks

1. Charley Hoffman
2. Jim Furyk
3. Charl Schwartzel
4. Hunter Mahan*
5. Russell Knox

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.

Footnote

* Remember that the Canadian Open is where Hunter Mahan withdrew last year with the 36 hole lead to go home and be with his wife who was about to give birth. So if you want to score some points this weekend, tell your wife that story and then say that you would have absolutely done the same thing. Then call Tiger a jerk. That should at least get you to Monday.