Thursday, February 11, 2016

Downton Abbey Update: Season 6, Episode 6

I feel as though I've missed a great opportunity waiting until this late to make Downton Abbey a regular part of the FGR writing cycle. What are the chances that I'm ever going to latch onto another show that is both so frivolous while at the same time so ripe for commentary (much less watch it as it unfolds season by season instead of binge-watching like some Adderall popping college kid who's parents thought they were doing him a favor by not having a T.V. in the house). I'm open for suggestions if anyone has discovered a worthy replacement.* In the meantime, we'll just have to make the best of the time we have left with the Crawleys, their servants and the men who inexplicably want to marry their strumpet daughters in spite of the sudden tragic death that goes hand in hand with that commitment. Which transitions us smoothly to last Sunday night's episode.     

Nobody met or initiated their demise (the Carolina Panthers notwithstanding) so, with but two episodes to go before the final servant bell tolls, we had to satisfy ourselves with some good old-fashioned class bashing by Lady Mary and that aristocratic apologist Mr. Carson. It was whimsically entertaining to say the least but Downton is at its best when tragedy, or at least the threat, of it is in the air. We can be pretty confident that will be the case next week as we'll be treated to an early 20th century version of the Daytona 500 in which one of the drivers will be carrying the curse of the aforementioned Lady Mary as his co-pilot. What couldn't go wrong?

That Berning sensation
ain't your ulcer. 
And don't forget Lord Grantham and his one or two not so subtle coughs per scene to remind us that the Grim Reaper could enter his room just as easily as that nosy little socialist from the house tour. I assumed that was supposed to be Bernie Sanders' dad but I checked and he emigrated from Poland in 1921 so it is highly unlikely that he was in England to interrogate Bobby Grantham on June 6, 1925. And yes I just Googled "Downton Abbey timeline" to determine the exact date of the open house so I could figure-out whether or not Bernie Sanders' father might have been there. What kind of life is this? 

It would appear that, after five and half seasons of taking more abuse than O.J. Simpson in the Naked Gun, Lady Edith's tortoise strategy is going to payoff in the race to be the happiest daughter. Lady Sybil retired early when she married the chauffeur, had a chauffeur baby and then paid the ultimate price for her act of royal rebellion. Lady Mary appears doomed to suffer another tragic loss before the series finale and, even if what appears to be the inevitable is somehow averted, she'll undoubtedly blast another relationship into oblivion with her freeze ray dooming her and young George to a lonely existence at Downton where he'll probably end-up like the creepy mama's boy from Game of Thrones who kept wanting to throw Peter Dinklage through the hole in the floor. At least they'll have Carson around to defend the abbey from thieves and evolution.

As the end draws nigh, I really just have one request and I don't think it unreasonable if I may be so bold. Young Daisy should be on schedule to take her nebulous exams this week and, if she performs well, it could be her ticket to a better life far away from the bowels of the abbey. I hope she bombs them in spectacular fashion. Then I hope she stays true to the impertinent twit she has become and blames Mr. Mosely for her failure. Then I hope she storms out of the school and gets run over by a double-decker tour bus carrying 87 obnoxious Americans on their way to Downton Abbey for Tom Branson's Magical Mystery Money Grab house tour. And yes, double decker buses had been invented by then. I looked it up. (What kind of life is this indeed?)       


"And I'm still going to call
you 'Brody' so get used to it!"
* I started watching Showtimes' Billions with Paul Giamatti and Damian Lewis this week. It's going to be hard to fuck-up a show with those two guys in the lead roles so let's hope they don't find a way. As far as it filling the Downton void, let's just say it doesn't have quite the same subtlety. When one of the main characters poses the question, "what's the point of having fuck you money if you don't get to occasionally say 'fuck you,'" you know the writers aren't striving for the same level of nuance as Julian Fellowes (for you troglodytes, he's the chap who writes Downton Abbey).     

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Fantasy Golf: AT&T Pebble Beach Pro Am Preview

Some people who devote a stupid amount of their time to things like picking the winners of golf tournaments are probably humble and unassuming. Suffice it to say that I am not one of those people as evidenced by the fact that I once devoted almost 2,000 words to a detailed account of how my fantasy football team went undefeated. Don't be fooled by the feigned effort to be self-deprecating by comparing that feat to when Homer Simpson almost sacrificed his marriage to catch a legendary fish.* That was out and out bragging. And this will be too.

You see it all started way back in January when I sat down to perform some in-depth analysis on the Farmers Insurance Open. The obvious pick that week would've been Jason Day who was the defending champion and is arguably the best player in the world today (I wouldn't argue it but someone could which technically makes it "arguable"). The FGR decided to shun conventional wisdom, however, and go with another past champion and one of the hottest players on tour in Brandt Snedeker. Did we foresee the bizarre turn of events which led to Snedeker shooting what may end-up being the best round of the year and then taking Monday off while the leaders struggled on the back nine, ultimately handing him the win? "Foresee" is a strong word. If you want to use it, please feel free but we'll just let the results speak for themselves.

Then we moved on to the Waste Management Phoenix Open where Bubba Watson was the logical choice based on his back to back runner-up finishes in 2014-15. We saw it differently, however, so we looked down the list of favorites past Snedeker and defending champion Brooks Koepka to the 4th and 5th players on the list . . . Rickie Fowler and Hideki Matsuyama. The easy thing to do would have been to pick Rickie because, well, everybody loves Rickie. But you can't let emotion cloud your judgment in these matters. Instead, you must trust your research and, in this case, that research showed that Matsuyama had historically played the TPC Scottsdale better than Fowler which may have something to do with Rickie's inability to figure-out a 342 yard par 4 (here's an idea Rickie. . . 5-iron/sand wedge).

Speaking of Rickie, we need to amend the
Rules of Golf to permit the kneecapping by
9-iron of anyone who wears this.  
To commemorate the two week winning streak we've added a running total for our picks (see below). So now when this season inevitably starts to unravel like Marco Rubio under cross-examination by Chris Christie, we'll always have those two weeks just like Marco had his third place victory speech in Iowa to look back on and smile. (Don't worry, we'll give equal political bashing time on Thursday).** Unlike Marco, however, we still have our whole season ahead of us.

Downton Abbey Update

(Coming Thursday).

Back to Golf

We're leaving no stone unturned in an effort to keep the streak alive but fortunately we think we found the answer under the first stone because we're not much on manual labor. Brandt Snedeker had the fifth best odds when he won and so did Hideki Matsuyama. Coming into this week, we had a feeling it was going to be Jimmy Walker based on his past success at the AT&T and the likelihood that he would've probably won the Farmers if not for the weather (and the fact that he wasn't the FGR pick). So we cross-referenced that hunch with this week's odds and what do you know? Heat-up the gravy because we're about to roll a turkey (that's bowling lingo for three strikes in a row but I added the cheesy part about the gravy and frankly, I already hate myself for it).

The AT&T Pebble Beach Odds
So we're researching Downton
and accidentally type
"Abbey hot" and . . . 

1. Jordan Spieth - 9/2
2. Jason Day - 8/1
3. Dustin Johnson - 11/1
4. Brandt Snedeker - 14/1
5. Jimmy Walker - 18/1
6. Bubba Watson - 18/1
7. Phil Mickelson - 22/1
8. Justin Rose - 25/1
9. Patrick Reed - 30/1
10. Brooks Koepka - 30/1

Ten Guys We Like***

Dustin Johnson - 11/1
Brandt Snedeker - 14/1
Jimmy Walker - 18/1
Phil Mickelson - 22/1
Kevin Na - 33/1
Hunter Mahan - 70/1
Bryce Molder - 90/1
Will Wilcox - 100/1
. . . BOOM, there's Abbey Clancy.
(We just can't miss these days).
James Hahn - 100/1
Brendon Todd - 150/1

One and Done Pick: Jimmy Walker

Sleeper Pick: Brendon Todd

One and Done Picks to Date


Dustin Johnson 

Sony: Matt Kuchar  $77,604
CareerBuilder: Ryan Palmer  $75,897
Farmers Brandt Snedeker $1,170,000
Phoenix Hideki Matsuyama $1,170,000
Total $2,641,501


* If you don't click on the link and read the General Sherman post (your loss), then at least check-out this Drunk Homer Simpson Montage with one of the truly epic lines in the history of man at 1:48.

** We've gone out of our way to avoid politics in the past but there is way too much material out there now to ignore. We'll do our best to keep it balanced but that's going to be tough until the Republicans thin the herd a bit because every time a candidate on either side opens his or her mouth there is massive potential for mockery and the Republicans currently lead the Democrats seven mouths to two.  

*** Jordan Spieth is always one of the "Ten Guys We Like" when he's in the field. 

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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Fantasy Golf: Waste Management Phoenix Open Preview

One of my favorite FGR efforts came about by accident a few years ago when I found myself staring blankly at my keyboard like I was waiting for the letters to rearrange themselves into some profound message from the great beyond that would explain what it's all about or at least spell-out the names of Terry Halbach's killers.* Somewhere from that abyss miraculously came 850 words of commentary on what was then the most jarring episode of Masterpiece Theatre's British melodrama Downton Abbey. You can find that entry here but if you plan on binge-watching the show someday (which I highly recommend), then don't read it because it contains a Keyser Soze level spoiler alert.    

Fast forward to this evening when I found myself in a similarly stunted state of mind so I tracked down that Downton Abbey piece for inspiration and what do you know but it just happened to serve as the preface to the 2013 Waste Management Phoenix Open Preview. Apparently this tournament and I have a disconnect despite its prominent field and the manufactured entertainment value provided by the 16th hole stadium crowd (which I actually buy into 100% despite my generally grumpy old man point of view). And what else do you know but we just had probably the second most jarring episode in Downton Abbey history so let's go back to the well and see if we can manufacture our own little bit of entertainment right here. Are you excited? Yeah me too. Just beware that the next several paragraphs contain a major . . .


We knew there was trouble brewing for Lord Grantham several episodes ago when he felt some discomfort in his abdominal region and assured his wife that "it's nothing" when we all know that in the crackpot world of Downton Abbey healthcare, all stubbed toes lead to amputations, runny noses are Typhoid Fever and the first sign of drowsiness means terminal cancer (the dog learned that lesson the hard way last season). The whole medical scene is basically the inspiration for Obamacare.**

"Sorry old chap but I need this butler to iron my
newspaper so we're going to have to let you go." 
About once an episode since that initial warning sign, we've gotten another reminder that disaster could strike at any moment. Couple that with this season's major plot line dealing with the prospect of the local hospital being subsumed into some national healthcare system and we the viewers couldn't help but think that there might be a connection. Then again, we've been watching a period piece about early 20th century British aristocrats for six years so we must be savvy and sophisticated. 

Anyway, the whole thing came to a head at the dinner table on Sunday night with a scene that was part Alien, part The Excorcist and part Mr. Creosote from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. We are now left to wonder what Lord Grantham's fate will be though we've been down this road with this show before and suffice it to say, it don't look good. This ain't Game of Thrones where a guy can have every major organ shish kabobed nineteen times and lay bleeding in the snow while everyone shrugs their shoulders and says, "he'll be fine." This is Downton Abbey where death lurks around every corner unless of course you're one of the servants in which case you don't get to die because then who would serve the tea?        


The only question you really have to answer this week is whether you want to use Bubba Watson now, at the Masters or at the Travelers Championship in August. He's finished T2nd in Scottsdale the last two years so he's about as close to a sure thing as you're going to get which is why I'm picking Hideki Matsuyama. Going contrarian by avoiding Jimmy Walker at the Sony and Jason Day last week has been working so we're going to ride that dog til it drops (who rides a dog?). Besides, Matsuyama's record over the past two seasons is almost as good as Bubba's (T4th and T2nd) and there isn't an obvious place to use him later. At least that's what all of the research I didn't actually do tells me.  

Note that I was reeeaaaalllly tempted to go with Hunter Mahan this week because he's got bounce-back season written all over him and he loves the course but I didn't because I'm a wuss. If you have a pair of stones, give him some consideration. If you are a woman reading this, first of all thank you for looking past my 8th grade maturity level and second, please substitute whatever inanimate objects your gender uses to symbolize a physical trait that one might associate with courageous behavior and give Mahan a look. I'm going to stop talking now.

Oh just one more thing. I picked Brandt Snedeker last week.  Eat it.   

The Phoenix Open Odds

Because this week we're 
all about British . . . 
1. Bubba Watson - 11/1
2. Brandt Snedeker - 12/1
3. Brooks Koepka - 16/1
3. Rickie Fowler - 16/1
5. Hideki Matsuyama - 22/1
6. J.B. Holmes - 25/1
7. Phil Mickelson - 28/1
7. Zach Johnson - 28/1
7. Jason Dufner - 28/1
10. Justin Thomas - 30/1
10. Kevin Kisner - 30/1
10. Kevin Na - 30/1

Ten Guys We Like

Bubba Watson - 11/1
Hideki Matsuyama - 22/1
Justin Thomas - 30/1
Kevin Kisner - 30/1
Kevin Na - 30/1
Webb Simpson - 40/1
Brendan Steele - 45/1
. . . and sophisticated.
Hunter Mahan - 60/1
Ryan Moore - 66/1
Ben Crane - 150/1

The One and Done Pick: Hideki Matsuyama

The Sleeper Pick: Hunter Mahan


* Allow me to take this opportunity to thank Making a Murderer for re-affirming my decision to abandon the pursuit of being a real lawyer. My amateur status allows me the luxury of mocking the rampant scumbaggery in the legal profession despite the fact that I am technically part of it. It's just another way I skate through life without actually committing to anything (see the next footnote).  

** That joke doesn't really make any sense but I periodically like to throw a bone to my many right wing friends so that when I visit their homes and they are drunk, they are less inclined to shoot me.

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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Fantasy Golf: Farmers Insurance Open Preview

Time for the first of about five unofficial starts to the 2016 season as we get a field featuring about a dozen "A List" players including major winners Jason Day, Justin Rose, Phil Mickelson and Rickie Fowler . . . (Oh you didn't hear? Rickie High-Tops won in Asia last weekend and just vaulted past the hundreds of players who've actually won a major into future golf immortality. Allow me to elaborate in footnote).* We've also got a major caliber oceanside course in California to distract many of us from the fact our worlds are now defined by eight foot snow banks that ain't going anywhere anytime soon.       

The chalk pick this week is obviously Day who won it last year and finished 2nd in 2014 but, as we learned with Jimmy Walker at the Sony, chalk only lasts so long before it starts to fade and you find yourself stuck in the middle of some stupid chalk metaphor and it forces you to wonder if four days of being snowbound with your wife and kids has turned your brain into nonfunctional mush . . . and we're back. So as I was saying, the FGR play this week is to pass on the favorite again as we did with Walker in Hawaii and Patrick Reed last week and play the odds that someone new will step-up. That someone is Brandt Snedeker who won here in 2012 and is red hot. Not to mention, you want to take advantage of Sneds early before the nagging injuries kick-in so it's either here or Pebble Beach. If you don't think it's here, then use Jimmy Walker or have some fun and roll the dice with Phil.  

And now I will return to the set of The Shining and continue working on my novel . . . and continue working on my novel . . . and continue working on my novel . . . and continue working on my novel . . . and continue working on my novel . . . and continue working on my novel . . .         

Farmers Insurance Open Odds

. . . and continue working on my novel . . .
and continue working on my novel . . . 
1. Jason Day - 7/1
2. Rickie Fowler - 10/1
3. Dustin Johnson - 14/1
4. Justin Rose - 16/1
5. Brandt Snedeker - 18/1
6. Phil Mickelson - 18/1
7. Jimmy Walker - 25/1
8. Patrick Reed - 25/1
9. Hideki Matsuyama - 28/1
10. Bill Haas - 30/1

Ten Guys We Like

Jason Day - 7/1
Jimmy Walker - 25/1
J.B. Holmes - 33/1
Charles Howell - 50/1
Harris English - 60/1
Emiliano Grillo - 66/1
Jamie Lovemark - 80/1
Nick Watney - 90/1
Scott Stallings - 90/1
Billy Horschel - 100/1

The One and Done Pick: Brandt Snedeker

The Sleeper Pick: Scott Stallings


* After Rickie's momentous victory in Abu Dhabi last weekend, there was some clamor that we are entering the age of a "Big Four" in golf comprised of Rory McIlroy, Jordan Spieth, Jason Day and Fowler. This would apparently be the modern version of golf's original "Big Three" which was Jack Nicklaus, Gary Player and Arnold Palmer who combined to win 34 majors or 27 more than their would be successors. While stopping short of yelling at everyone to get off of my lawn, I would suggest we slow the fuck down a bit, especially with regards to Fowler who has three career PGA Tour wins which is two less than Spieth and Day each had . . . last season.   

Thursday, January 21, 2016

The 2016 Fantasy Golf Draft Results

Last week we held the 20th version of what is now known as the Fantasy Golf Report's Officially Sanctioned Season Long Fantasy Golf  League a/k/a the FGROSSLFGL if you like yourself a good acronym (and who doesn't?). The rules are simple. Draft the six players you think will earn the most total cash in 2016 with an eye on bonuses for winning majors, WGC events and the Players. No two teams can have the same player and Jordan Spieth is ineligible under the Tiger Woods Rule which hadn't been implemented since back in the day when its namesake used to run circles around the field.  

The results are below (FGR picks are denoted with a "+") and, for those paying attention, the draft order is rigged to give the bottom picks an edge because you could take Rory McIlroy first and a jelly doughnut second and they'd still probably out-earn just about any combination picked at 12-13. We'll throw-in a bit of best pick/worst pick commentary for good measure and, because this topic is really pretty boring and honestly just some late week filler, instead of featuring a picture of a player from each round like a classy golf website would, we'll pay tribute to the corresponding entry in FHM's sexiest of 2015 list.   
#1 (Oh don't act so modest)


1. Rory McIlroy
2. Jason Day
3. Dustin Johnson+
4. Bubba Watson
5. Rickie Fowler
6. Justin Rose
7. Hideki Matsuyama
8. Zach Johnson
9. Brooks Koepka
10. Patrick Reed
11. Brandt Snedeker
12. Matt Kuchar

Best Pick: Brooks Koepka

Koepka was ranked third in the FGR's season preview and he's already showed signs of backing that up with a T3 at Kapalua. So did I pick him third when I had the chance? Of course not. I went with the semi-safer pick of Dustin Johnson proving once again that I love a bold prediction right up to the point where my money becomes involved.

Worst Pick: None

You could argue that Kevin Kisner should've been a first rounder and been picked ahead of Kuchar or Snedeker but that would be open to debate and the last thing we need right now is another debate.
#22 (Blue is my favorite color)


13. Henrik Stenson
14. Kevin Kisner
15. Jimmy Walker
16. J.B. Holmes
17. Danny Lee
18. Justin Thomas
19. Bill Haas
20. Paul Casey
21. Adam Scott
22. Sergio Garcia+
23. Jim Furyk
24. Robert Streb

Best Pick: Kevin Kisner/Justin Thomas

One or both of these guys is going to light it up this year and finish top five or close to it. I picked Sergio Garcia to go along with D.J. because I apparently hate myself. 

Worst Pick: J.B. Holmes

This is a tough one because everyone picked in Round 2 has Round 1 potential but, with the 16th pick, you're generally looking for a guy who might land you a major and Holmes has never come closer than a T14 in one and that was five years ago. He did have a T17 at the 2014 U.S. Open but other than that, the last two years have yielded mostly cuts and early Sunday tee times.
#26 (An old FGR favorite)


25. Webb Simpson
26. Steven Bowditch
27. Harris English
28. Kevin Na
29. Louis Oosthuizen
30. Phil Mickelson
31. Russell Henley
32. Charley Hoffman
33. Billy Horschel
34. Chris Kirk+
35. David Lingmerth
36. Daniel Berger

Best Pick: Billy Horschel

The Russell Henley and Louis Oosthuizen picks were also solid but Horschel has a greater upside as evidenced by his 2014 FedEx Cup run. I took Chris Kirk which was fine. Whatever. No he's not really what I wanted but he's fine. Let's just pay and get the fuck out of here.

Worst Pick: Steven Bowditch

Bowditch has a win in each of the last two seasons but, at the top of the third round, taking a guy who has missed twenty-four cuts in his last sixty-eight events is a little dicey. 
#41 (Underrated)


37. Tony Finau
38. Keegan Bradley
39. Russell Knox+
40. Shane Lowry
41. Matt Jones
42. Hunter Mahan
43. Ryan Palmer
44. Ryan Moore
45. Brendon DeJonge
46. Gary Woodland
47. Scott Piercy
48. Luke Donald

Best Pick: Tony Finau

The dude can bomb it and putt it which is a nice combination to have. In his first year on tour, he had sixteen top 25's and worked himself into the mix at both the U.S. Open and the PGA Championship to start building some major experience. Let's just say that I was irked when he went two spots before my inevitable Russell Knox pick. If Knox doesn't pan-out for me this year, we're done. And I mean it this time. No more drunk dials or "random" encounters at the Carrabba's in Jacksonville Beach. (Yes I looked-up where he lives and restaurants in that area. There's nothing weird about that. Shut-up).

Worst Pick: Shane Lowry

Strong international player but Round 4 is too early for a guy who only made eight cuts in thirteen tournaments last year. It should come as no surprise that he's already been dropped by the team that picked him in favor of Zach "We Loved You in January" Blair.
#53 (Really underrated)


49. Ben Martin
50. Branden Grace
51. Jason Dufner
52. Brendan Steele
53. Tiger Woods
54. Marc Leishman
55. Patrick Rodgers
56. Anirban Lahiri
57. Shawn Steffani
58. Emiliano Grillo+
59. Martin Kaymer
60. Brendon Todd

Best Pick: Emiliano Grillo

You knew I had to start patting myself on the back at some point. For a second there, even I almost didn't even know who I was anymore. Grillo is ranked 32nd in the world and gives every indication that he's going to play a full tour schedule. His win in the fall already qualifies him for the Masters, PGA Championship, Players and Bridgestone. Just a solid all around pick. (Get over yourself).

Worst Pick: Tiger Woods

There's a pretty good chance he's not even going to play this year which would be a shame because nothing livens-up Friday afternoon golf coverage like watching a blimp shot of a cart taking him from the 14th hole back to the clubhouse Ford Bronco style.
#65 (Late round value)


61. Boo Weekley
62. Smylie Kaufman
63. Will Wilcox+
64. Morgan Hoffman
65. Jason Bohn
66. Kevin Streelman
67. Nick Watney
68. Pat Perez
69. Brian Harman
70. Charles Howell, III
71. Sang Moon Bae
72. Charl Schwartzel

Best Pick: Smylie Kaufman

You're basically playing with house money in the 6th round so why not let it fly on a kid who's already shown he can win, is 6 for 6 on cuts made and had a respectable finish at Kapalua? Not to mention, Smylie Kaufman sounds like a Jewish gangster and those guys are badass. 

Worst Pick: Sang Moon Bae

Bae would have been a steal if not for the fact that he'll be serving in the South Korean military for the next two years. Kim Jong-un would've been a better pick based purely on pedigree.    

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Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Fantasy Golf: CareerBuilder Challenge Preview

The Fantasy Golf Report has been brought to its knees (literally) by a debilitating virus this week so temper your expectations more than you generally would. The bright side, if there is one, is that this is only impacting the preview of a tournament with a C+ field* and it's keeping me inside during two days where it's so cold in Maryland that my dog stuck his nose out this morning and said "fuck that, I'll hold it." 

Patrick Reed won this thing in 2014 and is the favorite this week and he would no doubt be a viable pick but this tournament is such a crapshoot that you'd hate to burn him while a bunch of random guys gobble-up all of the top cash. (Winners and runner-ups over the past four years include Brian Gay, Johnny Vegas, Sung Joon Park, Steve Wheatcroft, John Mallinger and Robert Garrigus . . . this tournament is notorious for multi-man playoffs). Better to go with a less valuable asset like Ryan Palmer or Charley Hoffman and hope one of them can find the twenty-five birdies it's going to take to win.

The CareerBuilder Challenge Odds
We don't think there's a connection between
this picture and the CareerBuilder Challenge
but, if you can find one, all the better.

1. Patrick Reed - 9/1
2. Matt Kuchar - 16/1
3. Zach Johnson - 18/1
4. Ryan Palmer - 25/1
5. Bill Haas - 25/1
6. Webb Simpson - 30/1
7. Kevin Na - 33/1
8. Robert Streb - 35/1
9. Charley Hoffman - 35/1
10. Jason Dufner - 40/1

Ten Guys We Like

Ryan Palmer - 25/1
Bill Haas - 25/1
Charley Hoffman - 35/1
Brendan Steele - 40/1
Kevin Chappell - 55/1
Jerry Kelly - 80/1
Jamie Lovemark - 80/1
Brendon Todd - 90/1
Tim Clark - 125/1
Shawn Stefani - 150/1

The One and Done Pick: Ryan Palmer

The Sleeper Pick: Jamie Lovemark


* This event just hasn't been the same since they took Bob Hope's name off of it. At least with CareerBuilder taking over for Humana, we have (a) some idea what the sponsor does to make money and (b) an excuse to show a monkey video.

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Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Fantasy Golf: The Sony Open Preview

OK. This isn't rocket surgery. You either think that Jimmy Walker is going to keep rolling at the Sony Open or you don't. The pros to that position are that he's won it two years in a row and he was solid last week finishing T10 at the Hyundai. The cons are that he's been inconsistent of late and that it's really fucking hard to win the same tournament three years in a row unless you're Pre-2009 Tiger Woods* or Steve Stricker playing in Illinois against Zach Johnson and 125 guys named "Chad" and "Troy" who didn't qualify for the British Open. We're going to play the odds here and go a different direction with Matt Kuchar who digs this course and is way overdue for one of those random wins that makes you say, "hey look . . . it's Matt Kuchar." 

In addition to our FGR stone cold lead-pipe lock of the week, below you will also find our list of preferred players from across the odds spectrum. For the Sony Open, this is mainly based on the theory that guys who have played well here before will play well here again. Exhibit "A" for that proposition is Tim Clark who has been mostly unreliable since 2010 but who pokes his head above ground a couple times a year and has some quality showings in Hawaii including a pair of 2nd place finishes in 2011 and 2013. The less risky version of Clark is Jerry Kelly who has eight top ten finishes in Hawaii which makes sense because he's from Wisconsin and he was born in 1966 which means he's motivated by his escape from the cold and his love of 80's television detective, Hawaii resident and all-around great guy Thomas Magnum. (We leave no research stone unturned regardless of relevance).

The Sony Open Odds
"And Miss Hawaii 2015 is . . . MISS OHIO!!! 
(Wait a minute, that doesn't sound right)."

1. Jimmy Walker - 16/1
2. Kevin Kisner - 18/1
3. Adam Scott - 18/1
4. Zach Johnson - 20/1
5. Matt Kuchar - 20/1
6. Justin Thomas - 22/1
7. Brandt Snedeker - 28/1
8. Kevin Na - 30/1
9. March Leishman - 33/1
10. Graeme McDowell - 33/1

Ten Guys We Like

Jimmy Walker - 16/1
Matt Kuchar - 20/1
Russell Henley - 35/1
Chris Kirk - 40/1
Harris English - 40/1
Charles Howell, III - 45/1
Jerry Kelly - 80/1
Scott Piercy - 50/1
Pat Perez - 150/1
Tim Clark - 250/1

One and Done Pick: Matt Kuchar

Sleeper Pick: Jerry Kelly


* We need two names for Tiger based on the line of demarcation he crossed that fateful night in 2009 because he's really two different people: (1) The greatest golfer of all-time; and (2) The most famous Perkins Restaurant & Bakery customer of all-time. Maybe we could call the second guy "Perk."

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