Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Fantasy Golf: The Hero World Challenge Preview

What better way to inject meaning into an otherwise meaningless golf tournament than by giving it a big old shot of Tiger Woods? Yes he could return to greatness and make this year's Hero World Challenge a compelling Sunday drama saving us from the droll monotony of second rate football that has become the NFL. But let's be honest, he's kind of like a butt implant performed in the back of a cargo van by a doctor with a suspended Nicaraguan medical license. Sure you could end-up with a butt like Fergie but it's infinitely more likely that you'll end-up on an episode of Botched* with your ass resembling a half-eaten wedding cake crying, "WHY???"

Some people are actually optimistic about Tiger's chances this week and beyond. With all due respect to those people, they've lost their fucking minds. Tiger hasn't made a cut since August of 2015 and he hasn't been competitive in a real tournament since 2013. Not only is he rustier than a Chernobyl swing set and more injury prone than Greg Oden, he will now have to compete against arguably the deepest fields in the history of golf. Back in 2013 he only had to deal with a top tier of Phil Mickelson, Adam Scott, Jason Day, Rory McIlroy, Justin Rose, Henrik Stenson and a lesser version of Dustin Johnson who kept injuring himself in bizarre jet ski moving incidents (ahem). 


Now Tiger has to deal with all of those guys plus an often focused D.J. and a few other random upstarts we like to call Jordan Spieth, Justin Thomas, Jon Rahm, Brooks Koepka, Hideki Matsuyama, Patrick Reed and Rickie Fowler along with a second tier that includes Tyrrell Hatton, Tommy Fleetwood, Daniel Berger, Kevin Kisner, etc. That's a slight improvement over Keegan Bradley, Graeme McDowell and Jason Dufner a/k/a three guys who never would've been accused of being the best player never to win a major if they hadn't inexplicably won a major. (That sentence was like a Triple Lutz but Scott Hamilton breathlessly says I landed it).  


I hope Tiger finds himself near the top of the leaderboard this weekend and I really hope that he still has at least one meaningful Sunday at Augusta left in him because Tiger drama has always been its own unique top-shelf brand of sports drama. A comeback twist would make it exponentially better, especially if it involved a duel with one or more of the young guns who some now like to describe as "fearless." Would they be that fearless when faced with the opportunity to beat the ghost of a living legend? Would Tiger crack under the weight of potential redemption? Holy shit the sound of Verne Lundquist's rising voice is almost palpable when you really envision it. Almost makes me believe it could happen . . . like Fergie's butt.                  

              
I might risk van surgery to have Fergie's butt. 
One and Done Pick: Rickie Fowler

Where Tiger Will Finish: 17th

The DraftKings Top Ten


Dustin Johnson
$10,700
Jordan Spieth
$10,500
Rickie Fowler
$9,600
Justin Rose
$8,600
Hideki Matsuyama
$8,200
Patrick Reed
$7,500
Kevin Kisner
$7,100
Matt Kuchar
$7,000
Francesco Molinari
$6,600
Charley Hoffman
$6,200

Footnote

* When not watching home improvement shows, the FGW occasionally likes to watch Botched and Hollywood Medium. I think the message is "do some work on the house you lazy shit and don't you dare ever ask me to get plastic surgery or I will kill you and then harass you for eternity from the land of the living through the creepy annoying lovechild of Macaulay Culkin and Paris Hilton."   

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com. 

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Fantasy Golf: The RSM Classic Preview

Because I am a self aggrandizing jackass, I feel compelled to mention that I had Patton Kizzire as one of my top ten value picks last week and the son of a bitch actually won by holding-off Rickie Fowler down the stretch (apparently Rickie is already rounding into Luke Donald semi-contention form for the 2018 majors . . . HEYOOOO!!!). And that's it for golf this week because:

(1) It's the middle of November so nobody is watching golf except your dad and your odd friend Barry who smokes cigars, wears matchy outfits and "doesn't really follow football";


(2) There are plenty of other resources like PGATour.com for learning all about who brings their "A" game around Thanksgiving and has three previous top tens at the RSM Classic (Charles Howell, III) so you don't need me to do that sophisticated data crunching; and 


(3) The end of golf season has collided with daylight savings and the onset of seasonal affective disorder meaning that the FGR is literally one left lane clogging self-involved millennial driver on a cell phone away from serving 30 days for a road rage incident. I shouldn't even be interacting with the outside world right now much less broadcasting my thoughts. With that being said, I'm currently working on a hit piece about "soccer people" based on my experience as a coach and parent. It's proving to be very cathartic. Just need to make sure the references to people I know can't be traced back to me. 


Here are this week's picks. Ironically, despite my petulant apathy, I feel pretty good about them and may actually lay-down $4 of my hard earned cash in pursuit of a better life . . .or at least $6.

One and Done Pick: Chesson Hadley
"TURN-OFF THE STOVE BABY . . . 
WE'RE GOING TO CHIPOTLE!!!"


DraftKings Top Ten Value Picks

Chesson Hadley
$10,200
Webb Simpson
$9,800
Charles Howell, III
$9,500
Patton Kizzire
$8,900
Jamie Lovemark
$8,400
Brian Stuard
$7,600
Patrick Rodgers
$7,500
Si Woo Kim
$7,500
J.T. Poston
$7,200
Jonathan Byrd
$7,100

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.