Fantasy Golf: The BMW Championship Preview

And now for our third and final installment of the top golf courses in Maryland's 7th Congressional District. Hey remember when that was a big story a few months ago? Yeah well it was two weeks ago. Man time flies when you have a president who picks a new target for his pubescent rants every twenty minutes. I can't wait until he inevitably turns on Stephen Miller and we get a reenactment of the Will Patton scene from No Way Out.* Just kidding. He'll probably blow-up the planet before that happens. Anyway, here's the top five.

5. Rolling Road Golf Club

Rolling Road is one of those short bad-ass courses that newly minted single digit handicappers swagger onto with visions of career rounds dancing in their heads and then crawl off of wondering what happened to their wallet and keys. They're currently being sold out of the back of a nail salon in Arbutus. Thanks for coming. 

4. Baltimore Country Club (West)

Baltimore Country Club's West Course is exactly what a little brother course should be. Namely, it's different from the other course in a bunch of good ways. It's a modern par 72 with reachable par fives and greens that you can read without a secret decoder ring unlike it's neighbor to the east. Also, it's one of the other four courses on which I've broken par so I am naturally prone to overrate it (much like myself).     

3. Hillendale Country Club 

I've played Hillendale a bunch of times under somewhat competitive conditions and it's a very scrappy medium length track rolling through the hills of the north Baltimore County countryside surrounded by horse farms which begs the question, "what in the fuck is it doing in Maryland's 7th District?" It must kill those rednecks to be represented by Elijah Cummings. Clearly someone slid the envelope of cash under the wrong door during gerrymander season.

2. Mount Pleasant Golf Course 

Mount Pleasant is just a great golf course that happens to live on the north side of Baltimore City and you have to love the fact that Northern Parkway runs right through the middle of it because both times you cross it you're sharing the road with Pimlico Race Course, the Senator Theater, a few settings for David Simon shows and three snobby prep schools. Don't get much more Baltimore than that. Oh yeah, Arnold Palmer won a professional tournament here so suck on that every congressional district that doesn't have a course where the King won. 

1. Baltimore Country Club (East)

The #2 ranked course in the State of Maryland and the site of some of my most proud golfing moments and, more importantly, my most soul-crushing failures. I have my issues with the East course but then again, I have my issues with everything so that's not necessarily a detraction. If you can survive the gauntlet of the first five holes, you can actually score over the next nine before getting your ass kicked on the way home. I've had more horrendous starts and blown more 3 up with 4 to play leads on that course than I care to remember. I think it might be mental (good guess sport).  

And now this. 

GOLFBABES TWEET OF THE WEEK

If you didn't catch the Women's U.S. Amateur, then you missed this clutch shot followed by a clutcher shot and then the cluchest shot to end it:

What a way to win the #USWomensAm title for Gabriela Ruffels, throwing a 🎯 into 18 and then answering Albane Valenzuela's stuffed approach with a clinching birdie putt. Phenomenal finish. pic.twitter.com/NjSgyXubGj

— USGA (@USGA) August 11, 2019

THIS WEEK'S ANALYSIS

So last week I had the foresight to put Patrick Reed in my top ten based on the rationale that "it's been a long time since he's bothered us and he's due." There aren't many things worse about this job than being right about Patrick Reed's success though picking Bryson DeChambeau for a team you have to live with all year is way the hell up there. (I thought he had it all figured-out!)

This week we've got ANOTHER venue that the pros haven't played in forever unless you count the 2012 Ryder Cup debacle. The last time Medinah hosted a stroke play event, Tiger Woods and Luke Donald entered the final round of the 2006 PGA Championship tied for the lead and I don't need to tell you what happened next. It is, however, instructive that Donald finished in the top ten along with other notorious fairway splitters Sergio Garcia, Mike Weir, K.J. Choi, Steve Stricker and Ryan Moore. Clearly the accuracy to distance ratio leans heavily towards the former on this course.

So I'm picking Ian Poulter which makes no sense whatsoever except that (a) he was the star of the 2012 Ryder Cup, (b) he is currently playing well and (c) he is going to be milking every last ounce from that 2012 experience this week and the closer he is to the top of the leaderboard, the more chances he'll have to do that. Also, I've already used Patrick Cantlay and Xander Schauffele who would be my first two choices. 

The rest of this week's picks basically follow that straight hitter formula with the exception of Rory McIlroy at the top which is just a straight-up hunch that he is going to distinguish himself among the top players. It's kind of a process of elimination thing because Jon Rahm and Justin Rose can't seem to close anymore, we've lost D.J. completely and I think Brooks is going to chill until he wipes the floor with everyone at East Lake.   

If I had really wanted to capture the Medinah
nightmare, I would've gone with a picture of 
Davis Love, III praying into a walkie-talkie.

One and Done Pick: Ian Poulter

Other Guy I'd Pick: Patrick Cantlay

Sleeper Pick: Chez Reavie

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Rory McIlroy	$11,500
Patrick Cantlay	$9,800
Tommy Fleetwood	$9,000
Xander Schauffele	$8,600
Ian Poulter	$8,000
Francesco Molinari	$7,800
Shane Lowry	$7,600
Lucas Glover	$7,100
Chez Reavie	$7,000
Graeme McDowell	$6,300

Footnote

* One of these days I need to rank the greatest "where in the fuck did that guy/girl come from" movie performances of all-time and Will Patton's eerie almost reptilian portrayal of Scott Pritchard in No Way Out will absolutely be top five. Now I just need to come-up with at least four more. (Email address is below if you have any suggestions).  

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com. 

Fantasy Golf: The Northern Trust Preview

I am literally writing from the middle of the woods in West Virginia with some wicked cornhole commentary coming from my left and from my right I've got Janet on the speaker phone with Bobby explaining to him that "I keep telling Marge to cut back on the cigarrettes and take her pills but she won't listen to me and, when she ends-up back in the damn hospital again, it ain't gonna be my fault goddammit" (though I detect a poorly concealed sense  of responsibility in Janet's voice and I worry that she's going to blame herself when Marge inevitably ends-up back in the hospital despite her doing everything she can to prevent it). 

So writing conditions are an ideal combination of serenity and comedy. Let's pick-up on our rankings of the golf courses in Maryland's 7th Congressional District where only the bravest humans dare to live . . . much less golf.

10. Hobbit's Glenn Golf Club

It must be at least a top ten course because it used to host the State Farm Senior Classic back in the late 90's but I think that had more to do with its proximity to I-95 and the fact that it's almost equidistant to Baltimore and Washington, D.C.  Unfortunately, they learned their lesson the hard-way that trying to host a sporting event that appeals to both of those markets at the same time is like trying to host a picnic for the Sunnis and the Shiites. (That means it folded).

9. Waverly Woods Golf Club

Waverly Woods is actually a decent Arthur Hills design that opened during that period when developers figured people like me would drive 45 minutes and pay $60 to play 5+ hour rounds forever. It's still open so I guess people still do. I just don't know any of them anymore. 

8. Forest Park Golf Course

Our second of the three Baltimore City municipal tracks on this list and another one that's underrated for (a) it's design, (b) it's cool inside the beltway location and, most importantly, (c) the fact that it's one of four courses on which I've broken par. Suffice it to say that it's a magical place. 

7. The Woodlands

They built The Woodlands right next to Diamond Ridge because I think they felt like the people who live near beltway Exit -15 deserved more than a daily mention in the 98 Rock traffic report (man fuck the triple bridges). I can't really tell you anything about it other than it's got that modern moundy feel and I enjoy it every time I play it. And that includes one day this past winter when the prudes who run the fancy courses wouldn't let the kids play on them so I ponied-up the greens fee to get some fresh air and satisfy my jones on what was probably a 70 degree January afternoon. Don't get me started on the fancy golf course prudes but last time I checked . . . it's dirt and grass. Let's move on. 

6. Hayfield's Country Club 

Hey look another course that's hosted a Senior Tour event. Who could argue that Baltimore isn't respected when we get all of these senior events? (Don't answer that). 

We're going to save the top five for next week because when you stumble on to a good writing crutch, you need to milk it until it's dry and then milk it for one more week. And now this.

GOLFBABES TWEET OF THE WEEK

Oh my fucking God . . . 

Long-drive competitor's swing in slow-mo. This is Cassandra (Blaney) Meyer. https://t.co/3aHwBWWU5d pic.twitter.com/PwihKpc6SK

— Golf Babes (@golfbabes) August 4, 2019

THIS WEEK'S ANALYSIS

They haven't played Liberty National since The Barclays in 2013 but it yielded a solid leaderboard that year with Adam Scott taking the title and Justin Rose, Tiger Woods, Jim Furyk, Phil Mickelson and Rickie Fowler all finishing in the top ten. I'm not going to do a full-blown chart this week but here is that 2013 leaderboard if you want to take a gander. The last time they played before that was 2009 when Heath Slocum screwed everything up by shooting a final round 67 and denying us a playoff between Woods, Ernie Els, Padraig Harrington and Steve Stricker.  

For my one and done this week, I'm going with Francesco Molinari but remember that I have to pick a guy I haven't picked before. If I had every player at my disposal, I'd probably go with Justin Rose who I wasted when he inexplicably rogered me by missing the cut at The Masters (and no I'm not getting past it). With that being said, other than Brooks Koepka, there aren't really any other players I'd jump at ahead of Molinari. I'm pretty sure he's going to win one of these three events so why not this one? 

As much as I hate going with the hot player just because he's the hot player, it's really hard not to like Webb Simpson in that second tier price range. Same thing with Patrick Reed at $8,100. It's been a long time since he bothered us and he's due. 

Rory Sabbatini finished T13 here in 2013 and he seems to have resurrected his career in 2019 which is awesome because now he's relevant enough to deliver us a new "Rory Sabbatini's being kind of a dick again" story. And not in this new passive aggressive style like when Bryson DeChambeau is kind of a dick or Jordan Spieth is kind of a dick. No. When Rory Sabbatini wants to be a dick, he's just a dick and frankly the game is better for it. 

A step down from there I'm taking some flyers on Mickelson, Bubba Watson and Scott Piercy. Phil has to be getting a little tired of just being a novelty act at this point . . . (are you sure?). Bubba and Piercy round-out my scowling quadrifecta with Reed and Sabbatini. 

And finally this week's sleeper is Nick Watney who finished T9th here in 2013 and T6th in 2009. Nick has spent much of the season rotating through the sleeper spot with Nick Taylor, Nick Jonas and Nick Tortelli without much success but this is the week. I can feel it. And with that, I'm off to purchase an orangutan act. (Did he say purchase or join?) Heyoooo!!!!    

I can't say anything snarky with Lady Liberty in the
picture so I will leave it at I'd like to play this course
and you know where to find me if you need a 4th.

One and Done Pick: Francesco Molinari

Other Guy I'd Pick: Justin Rose

Sleeper Pick: Rory Sabbatini

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Brooks Koepka	$12,000
Justin Rose	$9,600
Webb Simpson	$9,400
Francesco Molinari	$8,700
Patrick Reed	$8,100
Rory Sabbatini	$7,700
Bubba Watson	$7,400
Scott Piercy	$7,300
Phil Mickelson	$7,100
Nick Watney	$6,700

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com. 

The Wyndham Championship Preview

I just spent half an hour stumbling around on Twitter trying to find some inspiration for the opening of this week's preview and came-up with nothing. Then I had this completely random idea of ranking the golf courses located in Maryland's 7th Congressional District because yes there are golf courses there scattered throughout the burning cars and roving bands of flesh-eating zombies and I think I've played them all. Let's go worst to first based on my best guess overlay of a Maryland golf course map with the congressional district map (I actually checked addresses because facts matter). 

16. Turf Valley Resort

Despite being a place that no human being would want to live, Maryland's 7th District does have a golf resort albeit not a good one. There are actually two uninspired golf courses which surround lodging that looks like it was inspired by the architectural movement of 1980's mall food court. The highlight of any trip to Turf Valley, however, is an encounter with the never not angry elderly attendants who manage the cart area. It's as if they recruited nothing but bitter retired toll-booth operators who were regularly passed-over for promotion to toll-booth manager. As you have probably guessed by now, I had an incident there. 

15. Fairway Hills Golf Club

This is the only course on the list that I've never played so I'm ranking it second to last based on (a) its crappy online reviews and (b) the fact that I've never played it which must mean something. Also, it's in Columbia, Maryland which is known only for overthought sensible civic planning so I'm guessing the same level of creativity was applied to the golf course.   

14. Hunt Valley Country Club

This is Baltimore County's answer to Turf Valley. Ask anyone about Hunt Valley Country Club and one of the first three things they will say is "I have no idea how they stay in business." It has to be some kind of front for black market fertilizer. There is no other explanation.  

13. Greystone Golf Course

I haven't played Gretystone in over twenty years and the reason is fear. I will always remember it as the most unnecessarily penal course I have ever played and, not surprisingly, the rounds regularly took 5+ hours which is quite a time commitment for a course located 45 minutes from civilization.  

12. Diamond Ridge Golf Course

Diamond Ridge is fine but I would challenge you to play it and then describe any hole in detail a week later. It's been awhile for me but I'm pretty sure there was a dog-leg left par four and a . . . no that's all I got. 

11. Clifton Park Golf Course

"What's that city daddy? . . .
Do human beings live there?"

The first of our Baltimore muni-tracks and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss playing it. Unfortunately, that comes with the territory when you become a country club liberal. Clifton Park has some fun holes including a downhill reachable par 4. It also gives you cool views of the city's skyline and takes you right across the street of some of Baltimore's more gritty neighborhoods which is part of its charm. If you don't like it, move to Palm Beach.

We're going to break here because I need to get some kind of preview out for the sake of continuing to convince myself that I am writer making a difference in people's lives. We'll pick-up with the top ten next week. 

And now this. 

GOLFBABES TWEET OF THE WEEK

Alisa Diomin: "🍹all summer ‘19." https://t.co/I1hZexvx71 #summervibes pic.twitter.com/MUBIOI7Lex

— Golf Babes (@golfbabes) July 15, 2019

THIS WEEK'S ANALYSIS 

Not much to say about the Wyndham Championship which is probably a good thing because the picks have been absolute dreck lately. Webb Simpson and Brandt Snedeker have far and away the best track records at Sedgefield CC which would indicate that it favors the straighter hitter who has the capacity to get hot with the putter. That would seem to describe all of the young guns these days but I'm going with Viktor Hovland because he's the only one still looking for a win. 

In the middle of the pack you have Bill Haas who clearly likes the layout and has shown some signs of life lately. I'm not ready to give-up on Zach Johnson yet. Especially on a course that would appear to suit his game when he's going for a paltry $7,200. And this week's sleeper as he has been several times before is Nick Taylor because eventually a broken clock is going to be right.  

These are the guys that Sedgefield features on its
website to entice you to join. I'm not exactly sure
I understand the marketing strategy but I like it. 

One and Done Pick: Webb Simpson

Other Guy I'd Pick: Viktor Hovland

Sleeper Pick: Nick Taylor

DraftKings Top Ten Values

Webb Simpson	$11,200
Brandt Snedeker	$10,000
Viktor Hovland	$9,500
Sungjae Im	$8,300
Scott Piercy	$8,100
Jason Kokrak	$8,000
Bill Haas	$7,600
Bud Cauley	$7,300
Zach Johnson	$7,200
Nick Taylor	$6,800

This is clearly not a tournament that a lot of guys like to play on a regular basis as evidenced by the dearth of top tens on the chart but you will find your usual grinder suspects like Bud Cauley and Johnson Wagner down at the bottom with some positive results. 
                YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT THAT'S A KNEE BRACE IN THE 
                      PICTURE HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE CHART 

	DK Price	2018	2017	2016	2015	2014
Webb Simpson	$11,200	T2	3rd	T72	T6	T5
Hideki Matsuyama	$10,900	T11	DNP	T3	MC	MC
Jordan Spieth	$10,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Collin Morikawa	$10,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Brandt Snedeker	$10,000	1st	DNP	T3	T43	T5
Paul Casey	$9,800	DNP	DNP	DNP	T3	T18
Patrick Reed	$9,700	DNP	DNP	T22	DNP	T24
Billy Horschel	$9,600	T11	T60	T5	MC	T47
Viktor Hovland	$9,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Matthew Wolf	$9,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Chez Reavie	$9,300	DNP	T37	MC	MC	DNP
Rory Sabbatini	$9,200	T57	T4	DNP	DNP	DNP
Joaquin Niemann	$9,100	T33	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Cameron Smith	$9,000	DNP	T7	MC	T18	DNP
Charles Howell, III	$8,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Alex Noren	$8,800	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Lucas Glover	$8,700	DNP	T28	T22	T18	MC
Martin Kaymer	$8,600	DNP	DNP	DNP	T14	DNP
Adam Hadwin	$8,500	DNP	DNP	T33	T51	DNP
Dylan Frittelli	$8,400	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Sungjae Im	$8,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Ben An	$8,200	DNP	MC	DNP	T18	DNP
Scott Piercy	$8,100	T45	DNP	T63	DNP	DNP
Jason Kokrak	$8,000	T57	T16	MC	W/D	DNP
Aaron Wise	$7,900	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Martin Laird	$7,900	T45	W/D	T63	T59	T14
Kevin Streelman	$7,800	DNP	T72	DNP	DNP	DNP
Russell Henley	$7,800	MC	DNP	T46	DNP	DNP
Abraham Ancer	$7,700	T24	DNP	MC	DNP	DNP
Kyle Stanley	$7,700	DNP	MC	T14	T51	MC
Bill Haas	$7,600	T45	MC	T22	T6	T2
Brian Harman	$7,600	DNP	DNP	MC	MC	MC
Doc Redman	$7,600	MC	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Branden Grace	$7,500	DNP	DNP	DNP	T47	DNP
Jason Dufner	$7,500	T66	T14	T22	T51	DNP
Russell Knox	$7,500	DNP	T28	DNP	MC	DNP
Daniel Berger	$7,400	MC	DNP	DNP	MC	DNP
Vaughn Taylor	$7,400	MC	T50	DNP	T47	DNP
Bud Cauley	$7,300	DNP	T42	T10	DNP	MC
Charley Hoffman	$7,300	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Kevin Tway	$7,200	T11	MC	DNP	DNP	MC
Nick Watney	$7,200	MC	MC	DNP	T31	T5
Troy Merritt	$7,200	DNP	T28	74th	DNP	T51
Zach Johnson	$7,200	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Corey Connors	$7,100	T45	DNP	DNP	DNP	DNP
Danny Lee	$6,800	T24	MC	MC	DNP	MC
Harold Varner	$6,800	T53	T10	MC	DNP	DNP
Nick Taylor	$6,800	T8	DNP	MC	MC	DNP
Brian Gay	$6,600	T6	T50	DNP	DNP	MC
Johnson Wagner	$6,600	T33	T24	T5	MC	T38

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.