Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Fantasy Golf: The Valero Texas Open Preview

I've been continuing to treat my Patrick Reed Traumatic Stress Disorder ("PRTSD") by spending long stretches of time ogling golf equipment porn on ebay, TGW and other less reputable sites. The other day I found myself scrolling through Craigslist hoping to stumble-on to a case of some poor unknowing widow whose late husband had just bought a Callaway Epic 3-Hybrid with a stiff graphite shaft that she thought might be worth as much as $50. Instead I spent twenty minutes looking at junior clubs, King Cobra knock-offs and complete sets that originally cost $195 at Walmart before serving time buried in the corner of a garage for ten years waiting to be paroled via yard sale. The whole experience left me feeling dirty, empty and ashamed.

"Shit. Maybe the end of life as
we know it was too much to
pay for a talking toaster."
But hey! At least we had Sunday's exciting finish to reignite our golf passion. Of course as it was unfolding, some of us were defying common sense by playing in freezing sideways rain but apparently that didn't matter because it wasn't televised live anyway. We literally have a television network called the fucking "Golf Channel" and they can't figure-out how to shift live coverage for the weather? I wish the robots would hurry-up and takeover. Maybe we'll get five good years of unbelievable customer service before the plot of The Terminator kicks-in and we all have to move underground and eat rats.

It's not all gloom and doom, however, as the tour returns to Texas and you know what that means. Sexy Cowgirl Week!!! I get to take a break from staring at a dozen variations of the same gap wedge to Google "sexy cowgirl" which may literally be the best part of this job. Seriously, there may be nothing else that makes me feel more lucky that I get to pretend that I get paid to do this every week than doing that search to see if a new non-copyright protected picture shows-up or if I have to recycle one of the dozen I have saved on my office hard drive (I swear they were on there the first time I turned it on). You'll have to keep reading to find-out if my search was successful.      

As for this week's picks, Charley Hoffman is the obvious choice with a win here in 2016 to go along with a slew of other quality showings. If you've been following my advice all year, however, then you probably need to think a bit outside the box because you're never going to climb out of this hole by picking chalk. To that end, I'd take a long look at 2015 champion Jimmy Walker who finally appears to be healthy as evidenced by his T20 at Augusta. 

Ryan Palmer and Billy Horschel are also intriguing by virtue of there track records in San Antonio but they may be two of the Tour's most enigmatic players. Especially Horschel who is a walking on/off switch. If you think last week's T5 will carryover, then he's your guy but it's worth noting that it was his first top ten since June of last year. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I found a Vokey SM6 Gap Wedge for just $17.95 that looks like it was used to dig out of prison.        

Mission accomplished!
One and Done Pick: Charley Hoffman  

The Other Guy I'd Pick: Jimmy Walker   

Sleeper Pick: Keith Mitchell  

The DraftKings Top Ten Values

Charley Hoffman
$10,900
Luke List
$10,000
Billy Horschel
$9,100
Brendan Steele
$8,900
Ryan Palmer
$8,300
Jimmy Walker
$8,200
Keith Mitchell
$7,400
Aaron Baddeley
$7,400
Trey Mullinax
$7,200
Kevin Tway
$7,000

And of course if you don't like those picks, here is a bunch of discarded research that may help you unless some completely random guy from Japan shows-up and shoots 66 on Sunday again (if by random you mean he was ranked 46th in the world and finished T28 at the Masters). Piss-off. It's Cowgirl Week. 
  

DK Price
2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
Sergio Garcia
$12,000
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Matt Kuchar
$11,400
T40
T42
T15
T4
T22
C. Hoffman
$10,900
T40
1st
T11
T11
T3
Ryan Moore
$10,200
T18
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Luke List
$10,000
MC
T29
DNP
DNP
T46
Adam Scott
$9,600
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Kevin Chappell
$9,300
1st
T4
T66
MC
T15
Billy Horschel
$9,100
MC
T4
3rd
MC
T3
B. Snedeker
$9,000
DNP
T25
DNP
DNP
DNP
Brendan Steele
$8,900
T62
T13
T8
MC
T46
X. Schauffele
$8,800
MC
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Ollie Schnieds
$8,700
T18
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Si Woo Kim
$8,600
T22
MC
DNP
DNP
DNP
C. Hadley
$8,500
DNP
MC
T4
T56
DNP
Pat Perez
$8,400
DNP
DNP
T20
T11
DNP
Ryan Palmer
$8,300
T6
T4
T6
T56
T15
Jimmy Walker
$8,200
T13
MC
1st
T16
T31
Beau Hossler
$8,100
MC
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Martin Laird
$8,000
T18
DNP
T50
MC
1st
K. Bradley
$7,900
MC
T37
DNP
DNP
DNP
J.B. Holmes
$7,800
DNP
T13
DNP
DNP
DNP
Kevin Na
$7,800
DNP
DNP
T20
T11
DNP
J. Lovemark
$7,700
T40
DNP
DNP
T36
DNP
Brian Gay
$7,500
T6
MC
DNP
T56
T61
Aaron Baddeley
$7,300
5th
T29
T20
T67
T15
Aaron Wise
$7,300
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
Jhonny Vegas
$7,300
T34
MC
T68
MC
DNP
Trey Mullinax
$7,200
MC
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP
D. Summerhays
$7,000
T58
T13
T4
T2
T7
Kevin Tway
$7,000
T3
DNP
DNP
DNP
DNP

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com
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