Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Fantasy Golf: The Dean & Deluca Preview

"I'll do you one better Chuck.
Stripper poles right in the office.
We could call it 'H&R Cock.'"
The main point of these previews (to the extent they have any point) is to tell you who is going to win the golf tournament while providing a scenic setting for an otherwise dry topic. It's kind of like meeting your accountant at a strip club to review your tax returns. So, with this goal in mind, you can understand my frustration when Si Woo Kim and Billy Horschel, who had combined for six missed cuts and a W/D in their eight previous events, showed-up like two tits on a bull and won the last two events (inapplicable analogy but it fits the Texas theme so fuck it). How in the hell was I supposed to predict those guys? 

Seems to me we've got two options going forward. (And yes, it's now "we" because we're all in this together). We could (a) take wild stabs at guys like Kyle Reifers, Robert Streb or Blayne Barber or (b) we could hope for a return to order, structure and predictability. I'm going with (b) because I need it to offset the world of disorder, disorganization and unpredictability I tend to build around myself. (It's been a friction-filled week, even by FGR standards).

So if you had to pick one player who defines order, structure and predictability more than any others, that's got to be Zach Johnson right? And not just any week of Zach Johnson but Zach Johnson at Colonial where he's won twice and never missed the cut. Just thinking about that sawed-off super controlled finish and rock solid putting stroke is slowing my heart rate even as thoughts of Jon Rahm outdriving him by 75 yards keep crashing the mellow karma party and shitting on my Chi.  

Other options this week would be the also steady Jason Dufner, the recently reincarnated Bud Cauley and the recently popular Sergio Garcia (I honestly don't even know who the golf world is anymore). And I know you've got to consider Jordan Spieth because he's the defending champ and he should've won in 2015 but something is amiss with our fair but thinning haired boy and, until he gets it worked-out, we're going to wait and see. Besides, I blew a chunk of cap space on him as my lead dog in a full season league and I want to see if shunning him for the week helps get his head on straight. Tough love Jordan.* Remember, you asked for this with back to back missed cuts.

See you next year cowgirls. You'll
be missed more than a June bug
on a hog's ass . . . or something.
The One and Done Pick: Zach Johnson

The DraftKings Top Ten Value Picks

Sergio Garcia
$10,800
Zach Johnson
$9,800
Bud Cauley
$9,500
Jason Dufner
$9,000
Adam Hadwin
$8,400
Emiliano Grillo
$7,800
Pat Perez
$7,600
Kyle Stanley
$7,400
Charley Hoffman
$7,300
Kevin Tway
$7,100

Footnote

* Speaking of tough love. You know you're in the homestretch of the school year when your wife puts your 16 year old son in a timeout. I'm sure we'll all laugh about it later. If we make it to later.

Email the Fantasy Golf Report at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.