Sunday, September 15, 2013

The FGR Week 2 NFL Picks

I apologize but the usual full treatment for the NFL picks fell victim to 48 hours of complete indulgence on Wednesday and Thursday followed by a 48 hour reconstruction project (of body and marriage). Believe me, I tried but the best I could come up with was the following series of questions on Friday night while watching the Olivia Munn scenes from Magic Mike* for the 17th time: (1) Is it possible that we overestimated the Jags? (2) Can you overestimate a team that is already regarded as the worst in the league? (3) Is it reasonable to start the 0-16 watch after Week 1? (4) Is Blaine Gabbert Kyle Boller's long-lost brother?

"We're gonna need
a couple minutes."
Speaking of Olivia Munn, don't ever knock on a guy's bathroom door on the morning of a golf trip. If the door is closed and he's not in jeopardy of missing a tee time, leave a note, call his cell or just freakin' wait until he's finished whatever it is he felt needed to be done behind closed doors. We had an unfortunate incident on Thursday morning (that thankfully didn't involve me). To make matters worse, there are some people who have voices that can't be unheard and this involved one of those people. I don't know how things on the other side of the door ended but I'm sure it wasn't pretty (and I mean that literally).

With that touch of class out of the way, let's get on to the Week 2 games. I've gone all out and accompanied each one with the fact, opinion or hunch on which I based my pick.

Philadelphia by 6.5 over San Diego: The Pick - Eagles

Phillip Rivers following the Jake Delhomme path to oblivion.

Baltimore by 6.5 over Cleveland: The Pick - Ravens

Angry Ravens at home versus Brandon Weeden (see Rivers, Delhomme, etc.).

Houston by 9.5 over Tennessee: The Pick - Texans

The Titans still running the ball on 3rd down in the 4th quarter losing by three touchdowns.

Indianapolis by 3 over Miami: The Pick - Dolphins

No more 4th quarter luck for . . . (don't you dare finish that hack sentence).

Carolina by 3 over Buffalo: The Pick - Panthers

If Cam Newton doesn't bounce back from last week's lackluster effort, my son is going to kill me for talking him into drafting Cam over Colin Kaepernick (how's that for sound gambling advice).

". . . and it makes the ladies swoon."
Atlanta by 5.5 over St. Louis: The Pick - Falcons

Sam Bradford + Jeff Fisher = 8-8 . . . apparently having a sweet porn stache makes people think that you're a better coach than your record would indicate.

Green Bay by 6.5 over Washington: The Pick - Packers

Aaron Rodgers is due for a silly 500 yard, five touchdown game and who better to see on the wrong end of that than MeAngelo Hall?

Kansas City by 3 over Dallas: The Pick - Cowboys

Lot's of love for the Cowboys playing less meaningful September games.

Chicago by 6 over Minnesota: The Pick - Bears

It's becoming clear that you didn't want to be desperate for a quarterback entering the 2011 draft - Jake Locker, Christian Ponder and Gabbert - you wanted to be semi-desperate (Andy Dalton and Kaepernick in the second round).

New Orleans by 3.5 over Tampa Bay: The Pick - Saints

The Greg Schiano countdown and inevitable return to making the lives of college players miserable is on.

Seattle by 3 over San Francisco: The Pick - Seahawks

Is it just me, or are the 49ers rapidly becoming the most hateable team in the league (which is saying something when Pete Carroll coaches in the same division)?**

"I WANT SOME CAKE!"
Detroit by 1.5 over Arizona: The Pick - Cardinals

I'm sticking with the Cardinals going 10-6 . . . at least until next week.

Oakland by 5.5 over Jacksonville: The Pick - Raiders

See the above series of questions and add, "do you think the Jags draft room knew they had a problem when they realized they had just drafted a guy named 'Blaine?'"

Denver by 5 over the N.Y. Giants: The Pick - Broncos

Peyton Manning might be playing with his best crew of receivers since Harrison, Wayne and Clark were in their primes. Uh oh.

Cincinnati by 6.5 over Pittsburgh: The Pick - Bengals 

The Steelers lost Pro Bowl center Maurice Pouncey for the season in the first quarter against the Titans and promptly showed-off their "next man up" attitude by rushing for 32 yards and getting completely stymied at home.

Last Week:  7-8-1

As an added feature this year, we'll be checking-in on the FGR fantasy starting line-up each week using the basic scoring formula from one of my leagues (non PPR with a few bonus points for 100 yard rushing/receiving and 300 yard passing games). So far, so good.

Looks like Chris Johnson
is picking-up right where he
left off last season. Sweet.
The FGR Fantasy Squad: Week 1

Matthew Stafford - 23
LeSean McCoy - 27
Chris Johnson - 7
Randall Cobb - 19
Marques Colston - 12
Jason Witten - 19
Ravens - 3
Jay Feely - 6***

Total - 116

Endnotes

* Of course I immediately change the channel for all of the other scenes though I must say that Channing Tatum is quite the dancer.

** That feeling may have contributed to the thorough enjoyment I got out of the Jim Harbaugh part of this video.

*** I didn't actually draft a kicker so I'll take a low-rent guy like Jay Feely from Arizona just to prove that drafting fantasy football kickers is like picking-out toothpaste. They all look slightly different but ultimately accomplish the same thing.