Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Fantasy Golf: The Wells Fargo Preview

A few things you may want to consider when making your pick this week: (1) Webb Simpson lives in the Quail Hollow development where this week's Wells Fargo Championship will be played, (2) Webb Simpson finished 4th in this tournament last year after holding the 54 hole lead, and (3) Webb Simpson finished second in the last PGA Tour event he played. The pick is so obvious that I almost feel like someone is messing with and I should go in a different direction. But if I do that and then Simpson wins, I'll spend Sunday evening pounding nails into the floor with my forehead and I don't want to risk spending Sunday evening pounding nails into the floor with my forehead so I'm picking Simpson. Everyone else on the top five list has either won or finished second at Quail Hollow except for Bill Haas but I'm pretty sure that, based on this home movie footage of Bill and Jay, they grew-up in a small town nearby so they've got some local knowledge.

Judging by all of the people who found
their way to the FGR last week unsuccessfully
searching for Billy Horschel's wife/girlfriend,
he's apparently in the market. Anyone know
what Amanda Beard is up to these days?
The Overall Top Five

1. Webb Simpson
2. Bill Haas
3. Rickie Fowler
4. Lucas Glover
5. Sergio Garcia

Last Week's Report Card: B

1. Jason Dufner - T42nd
2. Justin Rose - T15th
3. Billy Horschel - 1st
4. Jimmy Walker - T8th
5. Brendon DeJonge - Cut

As chafed as I was for not making Horschel my pick despite anguishing* over it, I'm glad I went with Dufner to get his sad sack ass out of the way. Just when you thought no one could make playing golf seem less enjoyable, along comes 2013 Dufner who looks like he's working in a diaper recycling plant. It's no coincidence that everyone who picked him in a preseason draft shares the same expression.**

Endnotes

* Sadly, "anguishing" is not an exaggeration. Now every time I see Horschel's winning celebration, I can't keep from muttering a stream of expletives until the FGW asks me what's wrong and I have to say "nothing . . . I'm just a jackass."

** My apologies for the brief effort this week but I've got a trip to a couple of marquee courses on the East Coast of Florida lined-up this weekend and, like Kramer in his brief stint as an executive, I'm just trying to get ahead. Oh yeah, I also finished tied for 40th in the Maryland State Two-Man Championship today. My partner and I shot a 74 that had all of the excitement of watching Jason Dufner eat a bowl of tomato soup. The high round of the day was an 88 shot by two single digit handicaps who made 7 bogeys and 5 doubles. My guess is that at least one of them is known around his home club as "the ATM."