Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Fantasy Golf Preview: The Sony Open

I would normally start the preview of the upcoming tournament with a recap (or at least a comment, snippet or snide remark) about last week's event but considering it's Tuesday at 5:30 EST, I've been driving a desk all day (cop movie expression) and the tournament finally just freakin' ended, I got nuthin'.* I'll try to make it up to you in a couple days after I've had a chance to watch it when I release the Mega Fantasy Golf Draft Post Mortem also known as What in the Hell was I thinking When I Took that Guy in the Second Round? For now, let's look ahead to the Sony Open, a tournament that counts as one of its most memorable moments the time when Michelle Wie almost made the cut on her way to becoming the greatest female golfer in the world.**

Since Vijay Singh and Ernie Els were winning this tournament back in 2003-2005, the list of champions is a bunch of guys about whom you'd say, "yeah, he's solid." In making your pick this week, you need to find the guy who fits the following blank: Johnson Wagner, Mark Wilson, Ryan Palmer, Zach Johnson, K.J. Choi, Paul Goydos, David Toms and [Insert 2013 Winner Here]. The five guys I have listed below would make a fine addition to that list. And because I'm ruling out any player ranked higher than 25th in the world (seems like a sound strategy), the Overall Top Five this week is the same as the One & Done Top Five as that blank spot is probably going to be filled by a B+ player and not the likes of Dustin Johnson, Matt Kuchar, Keegan Bradley or Webb Simpson.***

Here are this week's picks along with last week's report card:

THE SONY OPEN PICKS
You bet your ass we're going old
school Sweden in honor of the Carl
Pettersson pick. . . yeah baby, yeah.

Top Five Overall and One & Done

1. Carl Pettersson
2. Ryan Moore
3. Tim Clark
4. Brendon DeJonge
5. Bud Cauley

LAST WEEK'S REPORT CARD

Top Five Overall

1. Keegan Bradley - T4th
2. Dustin Johnson - 1st
3. Matt Kuchar - T9th
4. Scott Piercy - T13th
5. Steve Stricker - 2nd

Top Five One and Done

1. Scott Piercy - T13th
2. Steve Stricker - 2nd
3. Webb Simpson - T11th
4. Rickie Fowler - T6th
5. Nick Watney - T13th

The FGR would have started the season on a roll if Scott Piercy hadn't taken on water during the final nine holes with two bogeys and a double that knocked him out of the top ten. Of course the real gaff was whiffing on Steve Stricker for the second year in a row. Assuming he wins one of the ten tournaments he plays in 2013, I need to engrave the words "Take Stricker at the Hyundai You Jackass" on my desk. It's probably karma for my repeatedly using the nicest guy on the planet as the example for why the World Golf Rankings are screwed-up. The irony is that, with his second place finish, he probably just moved back into the top 15. Oh sweet irony . . . why must you always be the diarrhetic seagull circling above the car wash of my life?****

Endnotes

* This is why you have to love the Fantasy Golf Report. A real golf reporter would never tell you he missed a deadline because he was working his day job. I'm like a football player in the 50's who had to work at a car dealership during the offseason and after practice just to make a living (at least that's what I keep telling myself though I'd be a worse car salesman than Larry David - Big Charging Crazy Pistons, Nutty Pistons).

** Assuming your criteria does not include winning a major or, for that matter, a tournament held in the United States but hey, she did shoot a 68 at the 2004 Sony Open so she's got that going for her . . . which is nice.

*** It's not surprising that a big named player hasn't won the Sony in a while when you consider that the four guys I listed just made about $2M at Kapalua and may hit five balls each before they tee off on Thursday and Friday. If they go low early and have a shot at winning, that's great, but missing the cut and spending the weekend chilling on the beach doesn't sound so bad either. Kyle Stanley's been bodysurfing all day after pocketing $61,000 just for showing-up (barely) and finishing DFL.

**** I have no idea where that came from.