Thursday, November 1, 2012

Ten Things I Want to See Posted on Facebook

When I reluctantly joined Facebook about a year ago to promote the FGR, little did I know the access I would be granted into people's personal lives from their political positions to the success of their children's little league teams and all of the beautiful places they vacation and the fun people with whom they dine. I hate to admit it, but I find it very entertaining. Just like everything else, however, it would be improved with a dose of brutal honesty. With that in mind, I present the Ten Things I Want to See Posted on Facebook* (along with the Thursday night NFL pick): 

10. Tough season for my son's little league baseball team. We didn't win any games because the commissioner and I got into a fight in high school and now hate each other so I got stuck with a bunch of kids who couldn't throw, catch or run in a straight line for that matter. It would have been ok if they had tried hard or showed the slightest improvement, but most of them didn't seem to want to be there. To be honest, I kind of quit on the team at about mid-season after one of the half-dozen annoying parents pushed me over the edge.

"You can't even call that
baseball for Chrissake!"
9. Bob Jones just watched a video on Porn Hub.

8. Greetings from La Tee Da beach. As if the weather wasn't bad enough, everyone else's kids are annoying the crap out of me. We might leave early to beat the traffic.

7. Danny O'Brien just checked-in on Foursquare from Central Booking in Baltimore City.

6. I have a very strong opinion about one of the presidential candidates but, recognizing that anyone with the mental capacity to shop for their own groceries has already made-up their mind on this one, I'm going to reserve comment.

5. Everyone please remember that the intervention for Andy Martin is at my house and starts at 7:00 p.m. sharp. We will be locking the door right behind him so don't be late.

4. Mary Parker just read an article on Ten Secrets to Killing Your Husband and Making it Look Like an Accident.

3. Happy 9th birthday to our beloved daughter. We're really hoping that this is the year she grows out of her ugly phase.

"Yeah, I kind of think my
birthday is a big deal."
2. Never a dull moment. We were doing some cooking in our basement and things kind of went awry. Can anyone recommend a good cleaning service for getting Drano and hydrochloride out of a carpet?

1. We are out to dinner with another couple and my husband is drunk and won't stop talking about himself. Would someone please call his cell phone and tell him to shut the fuck up!?!

The Thursday Night Pick

I'm going to quote Peter King on this one. "I think we're about to see the national game with the worst ratings of the year." It's Norv Turner v. Romeo Crennel. It's Matt Cassel v. the corpse of Phillip Rivers. And the sad part is that I'll be tuning in as one of my fantasy football teams is dangling from a cliff and only Rivers can save it. It's either him or Jay Cutler but at least I get the feeling that Rivers gives a rat's ass whether I live or die.  

San Diego by 8.5 over Kansas City: The Pick - Chiefs

Hard to believe that the Chargers would be favored by 8.5 points over anyone after that performance in Cleveland last week. If you ignore the records and just look at what we've recently seen on the field, these might be two of the worst five teams in football right now. I'm going to go ahead and take the points because the Chargers will need at least 9 of them to cover which is 3 more points than they've scored in their last six quarters.**

Endnotes

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.

** That is also 6 fewer points than the Chargers offense has given-up over the last six quarters. Blechhh.