Sunday, October 28, 2012

The Week 8 NFL Picks - Part 2

Let's crank out the rest of these picks before we batten down the hatches.

New England by 7 over St. Louis: The Pick - Patriots

"You'd best not be buggerin'
this up Tommy."
This game is being played in London so the one thing we absolutely know is that there are going to be at least five turnovers that will be blamed on playing overseas because the food tastes so funny over there. I have a feeling that pretty boy Brady is going to step-up his game on the international stage. If for no other reason than I'm sure Giselle has told him, "I have a lot of model friends in London (like Rosie Jones), don't fucking embarrass me like you did at the Super Bowl."

Tennessee by 3.5 over Indianapolis: The Pick - Colts

If I was a Colts fan, I would be only mildly concerned that Andrew Luck's quarterback rating is about 30 points lower than RG, III's because that guy's a freak of nature. However, I would be majorly concerned that Luck's quarterback rating is lower than Ryan Tannehill's and the same as Brandon Weedan's when those guys don't even have Reggie Wayne. Wasn't this guy supposed to be pro ready? I know it's only been six game but I really didn't have another angle on this game so why not devote a paragraph to questioning a quarterback that the Ravens would trade Joe Flacco for in a second? With that being said, the Titans stink and the Colts are scrappy enough to keep this one close win or lose.

Green Bay by 14 over Jacksonville: The Pick - Packers

Finally we have what appears to be a definitive lead pipe lock for a blowout with the Packers who have scored 78 points in their last two games on the road against respectable defenses against a Jaguar team playing without M.J. Drew and an injured starting quarterback who is  determined to play this Sunday even when his coaches keep telling him, "don't rush it Blaine . . . take the week off . . . or even the season because you know how tough these left shoulder injuries can be for right-handed quarterbacks."

San Diego by 2.5 over Cleveland: The Pick - Chargers

Browns fans need to be especially worried about a strong Phillip Rivers bounce-back performance this Sunday because (a) it would obviously make it more difficult for them to win the game and (b) it might lead Browns management to wonder if Rivers could be had for a couple of high draft picks in an effort to make-up for Mike Holmgren's missing-out on RG, III because he tried to lowball the Rams. Only the Browns, who recently wasted first round picks on Brady Quinn and Brandon Weeden, would miss-out on drafting a franchise quarterback because they didn't want to part with their draft picks proving once again that there is "sad irony" and then there is "Browns irony."

So many fond memories
from this MLB season.
Philadelphia by 2.5 over Atlanta: The Pick - Falcons

Reasons no. 12 and 13 that I removed the Falcons from the top of the Power Rankings: (12) Their odds to win the Super Bowl are 9 to 1 (putting them behind the Giants, Bears and Packers in the NFC) and (13) they're giving points to the Eagles who are 50 to 1. Reasons 1 through 11 all have to do with the fact that they lost their last two playoff games by a combined score of 72-23. Fortunately they are playing the NFL's version of the 2012 Boston Red Sox this week.

Detroit by 2 over Seattle: The Pick - Seahawks

The Lions have played six games and Matthew Stafford has thrown five touchdowns and six picks as he makes a push to steal the "worst early round fantasy draft pick" title from early front-runner Chris Johnson. On the other side, you have the Seahawks defense which is third in fewest points allowed and tied for first in fewest touchdown passes against it. If you're picking the Lions here, you're betting that THIS is the game where they work the kinks out of the passing game against one of the best defenses in the league. Um, good luck with that.

N.Y. Jets by 1 over Miami: The Pick - Jets

The Jets have been playing the "no one believes in us" card for years but this season no one actually believes in them and they've been fighting it with some feisty play lately. I don't see Ryan Tannehill getting his first road win in New York, especially with the wind gusting up to 40 mph. Let's hope for Nick Folk and Dan Carpenter's sake, this doesn't come down to a field goal (though it would be pretty cool to see one of those crazy Robbie Gould Soldier Field kicks - Kick Breaking Wind).

Chicago by 7.5 over Carolina: The Pick - Bears

"I got this."
I'm pretty confident that, unless they start making some major adjustments to these lines, you could bet against Cam Newton and the Panthers for the next ten weeks and come out no worse than 7-3. They've played against three good defenses in the Giants, Seahawks and Cowboys and they've come away with 7, 12 and 14 points. The Bears are allowing 13 points per game. That should be plenty for Smokin' Jay.

Pittsburgh by 5 over Washington: The Pick - Redskins

Every time these two teams play I am presented with the great dilemma of either rooting for the team I've hated the most (Steelers) or the team I've hated the longest (Redskins). But not anymore. If you haven't gathered it by now, I'm all in on RG, III to the point that he's actually washed away what was left of 30+ years of pure unadulterated Redskins hatred. I'm not even dreading the sight of burgundy and gold on Christmas morning when my bandwagon jumping nine year old son (the "FGS2") inevitably makes his move.

Kansas City by 2 over Oakland: The Pick - Raiders

That putrid smelling green cloud that used to hover over the NFC West has apparently changed conferences. Between the Raiders buying Carson Palmer for 327 cents on the dollar and the Chiefs getting suckered into trading a first round pick to the Patriots for Matt Cassel and then handing him $62.7M after watching him play one solid NFL season, we may have the two most mismanaged NFL quarterback situations in the same division. (Unless of course you count what's been going on in Arizona, Cleveland, Jacksonville or Tennessee also known as Exhibits A, B, C and D of the contract negotiations opening statement by Joe Flacco's agent).*

N.Y. Giants by 1 over Dallas: The Pick - Cowboys

This is simply a pure pick against conventional thinking. The Giants are riding too high and in the NFC East, no team runs away. This is about the time of the season the Cowboys win three out of four before tanking their playoff chances down the stretch and we get a lot of shots of Jerry Jones standing pensively with his hand on his chin thinking "I wonder if I could get away with putting a whorehouse on the club level if I called it "Landry Lounge."

Denver by 6.5 over New Orleans: The Pick - Saints

If this is going to be the shootout that everyone thinks, then I'm going with the better offense and that is still the Saints. Peyton Manning's comeback has been impressive, but he couldn't quite go toe-to-toe with Brees before he got hurt so I will gladly take the points.

Sorry Jesse but Eric Decker
is no Marques Colston.
San Francisco by 6.5 over Arizona: The Pick - 49ers

Chuck Norris tried Viagra once. It was on March 5th of this year in San Francisco and here are the details from the resulting 4.0 magnitude earthquake - Chuck Norris Quake Stats. Note the 8.1 km depth. Apparently he was laying on his stomach. (As you can tell, I've run out of things to say about this week's games but you don't really need me to tell you not to bet on John Skelton against the Niners D right? . . . right?).

Last Week: 7-5-1 . . . Season: 47-55-3.

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Endnotes

* If I were Flacco's agent, I would open with a montage of Kevin Kolb and Matt Cassel highlights. Then just sit silently while the prospect of finding a replacement free agent quarterback sinks in.